And another freaking flashback to the night of the party, at Dave and Edie's. McCluskey comes in for her annual girls' night out with Edie. Once they leave, Dave, dressed all in black, breaks into McCluskey's home to eat her ribbon candy and treat himself to some ice milk bars. Good thing he covered up his hair - you can see that crap from space. He rearranges some stuff in her house, you know, to make her think she's more batty than usual. Aren't you guys scared of Dave? I mean, he has shiny hair, he likes to play the drums, and he will break into your home and rearrange your miscellaneous items! Aaaaaaaaa! Lame. When McCluskey comes in, she immediately knows that Dave has effed her over, and she grabs the bat. Kick that shiny-haired drum-playing stuff-shifting bastard's ass!
And we're back where we started: The beginning of the party for the people of Wisteria Lane, and a double rum and Diet Pepsi for me. Look, I'm not going to recap my recap. Just go to the first page and read the first paragraph. Oh, fine, you lazy bastard.
We now know that Tom and Lynette are arguing about an R.V. and their future; that Orson and Bree are arguing about how Bree won't give Orson the chance he needs and so Big Baby's solution is to get a divorce. Wah! Typical man -- "Instead of talking through our problems, I'll just break up with you so I won't have to deal with them! Sweet!" Gabby and Carlos are arguing about how Carlos lied to Gabby about getting a vasectomy - which, coming from a man who, again, tampered with your birth control pills a while ago, shouldn't be quite a surprise Gabrielle. Jackson and Susan are arguing about how Susan still wants to keep things casual even though Jackson's in luuurrve, and so he plants a wet one on Katherine to (sort of) see if Susan gets jealous. And she doesn't. Where's Mike? Wasn't he invited to this party?
Who else wishes Mike was here? No one? No one?
Anyhoo, McCluskey comes in again and tries to whack Dave with the bat. Is Dave a piñata? If you hit him with a bat will something actually interesting fall out of him? Everyone's all, what the eff are you doing, you 70 year-old weirdo? She explains about how Dave broke in and rearranged her stuff, and also he stole her cat and then put him back. No one believes her, and Dave gives her a sort of evil grin, but it's more annoying than anything. Still, I guess he's a weirdo, but the least weird of the weirdos this show has ever seen. I mean, geez, even Danielle was more psycho than this guy! I guess Gabby missed this whole thing, because she comes jumping out of the bathroom all loud and proud about Aunt Flo coming to her place for a visit. Awkward.
They called the police on McCluskey, and Dave's all, "I think she has dementia." Liar. Jackson tells Susan he wants to keep going forward, but Susan doesn't, she just wants it casual, and so they break up. Wow. That didn't last long. Bree tells Orson she hopes he didn't mean what he said about getting a divorce. And he asks her why she thinks she owes so much to Katherine, and so she begins to explain. Meanwhile, Tom and Lynette discuss what happened, and Tom says that he was the one on the hospital bed and he doesn't want his life to suck. And just as I'm thinking, "Um, Lynette had cancer, dumbass" Lynette says pretty much the same thing.
Hello? I still have the wig, asshole!
She knows that Tom wants his life to count for something, and Tom says he needs adventure. Lynette, 100% in the right, says that the pizza place WAS the adventure, and now Tom's bored, and they can't just stop and put everything down for another adventure. Carlos and Gabby sit on their porch, and Carlos says that he couldn't shake the idea that "maybe God had another miracle" in store for them, and that's why he lied about the vasectomy. Even though Carlos says he'll schedule one, Gabby says they can just use birth control. Orson goes over to Katherine's house, and thanks her for being there for Bree, and says that he'll be a partner when Katherine says he's ready to be a partner. So, everything ended up in neat little packages with pretty little bows on top. Snooze.
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Comments (16)
I love your recaps so much. They're funny as hell and actually tell enough of the story so that people like me who are incapable of remebering that its on can be in the know!
Bravo!
1 of 16 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on October 29, 2008 12:20 PM
"Or, maybe she missed her period. Do women actually write those down in a date book?"
YES!
You try accurately remembering something that happens every 29 days. Since you were 12...
2 of 16 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on October 29, 2008 12:30 PM
REGARDING:
Yes, I am that guy at the party who stands in front of the food table, shoving cheese and crackers in my face, only pausing to take a swig of my Miller Lite, or to say, "Holy crap, have you tried the brie? Ohmigosh it's SO good! And these mini cheesecakes! So. Freaking. Awesome."
Okay, I suspect you're EVEN FATTER than I thought you were. Remember you want to look like Carlos not Louie Anderson. Carlos: Turn on.
Louie Anderson: Turn off.
3 of 16 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 29, 2008 12:35 PM
I'm EVEN FATTER than you thought? How fat did you think I was before? Rude. And now I'm so self-conscious that I'm forced to buy generic Slim-Fast at my Dominick's.
I'm just big-boned, you bastard!
4 of 16 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 29, 2008 2:41 PM
Okay, now you're making me laugh.
I'm sure you have a beautiful personality and you're a wonderful conversationalist.
I was wrong about you being FATTER than I thought. I'm sure you're Twiggy-esque.
(P.S. from your writting, I also thought you had a rash on your butt and sweated a lot but I'm sure I'm wrong about that too!)
My apologies, Mr. Hypnotoad.
5 of 16 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 29, 2008 4:11 PM
Wow, thanks for that heartfelt apology.
6 of 16 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 29, 2008 6:08 PM
While I was watching DH I kept thinking that I don't get a dopey zoned-out look on my face and stare off into nothingness everytime I remember something from my past. I'm glad you were on the same page with the whole looking in a mirror thing. LAME.
And I totally DON'T keep track of my monthly buddy visits. I probably should, but I figure it would be more exciting to go into labor after nine-months of not realizing I'm preggers.
Love your recaps!!!!!
7 of 16 | Posted by aman | Posted on October 29, 2008 6:57 PM
Brilliant! Personally I have had a hard time getting into this show, but you're making it nice and easy for me to figure things out, so I thank you. Great job hypnotoad! I have to love you for that last line and respond thusly... "It looks just like Skinny'N'Sweet... except for the little skull and crossbones on the label!"
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Louie Anderson is sexy if he keeps his mouth closed and you can't see his teefs... :)
8 of 16 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 30, 2008 10:27 AM
Mary Alice: "It wouldn't be long now before he [Dave] destroyed the man who had ruined his life. But he knew he had to move carefully. After all, he wanted it to be a surprise."
So, does anyone else think BeigeDave is gunning for Mike bc Mike & SkeleHatcher killed his rels in the auto accident at the top of the season?
If so, what does getting old lady McClusky outa the way have to do with his fiendish plot?!
9 of 16 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on October 30, 2008 4:18 PM
Haven't finished the recap, but yes DMG, I too suspect that Mike is the guy that Dave is after and I have a feeling it relates to the accident.
So far as I know, McClusky just had to be out of there because she was the only one who suspected that he was less than sincere - not sure if it's anything beyond that, but maybe it is.
10 of 16 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 30, 2008 6:28 PM
Agree that this episode was pretty blah. I wonder what's been happening to the writers? They've gotten super lazy for the past two seasons...
I wonder - why would the neighbours automatically believe Dave over McCluskey? I mean, I know that McCluskey was kind of spitting her words out like a maniac, but she'd already mentioned to Katherine that she was sure that he was up to something - couldn't Katherine clue in?
Also, PROPS to you sir, for the Albee/Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? shoutout.
I LOVE Albee - I've played both Martha and Mommy (from his The American Dream) and even though the man is messed, it's hilariously interesting.
11 of 16 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 30, 2008 11:15 PM
Word on 2 things, peeps:
I am so on board the Dave Hates Mike For Killing His Family And Will Destroy Him Garage Band Style train. Especially since he was so adamant about Mike being in the band. It seems SO obvious, but the writers and/or Cherry have been so lazy (read: bad) this season that I wouldn't be surprised in the least. Nor would the 3 million people watching this show. Lame. But that's the only explanation. Unless he wants to ruin Jackson's life because of that awful haircut. Get in line, Dave!
I wonder if the Dave plot will last all season, or if they'll solve it in the middle and then give us something interesting for the other half.
And I too was a little pissed that no one really came to McCluskey's defense. And yeah, georgiababe, especially Katherine. But that would have given her 11 lines instead of 10, and Cherry ain't cool with that.
Oh, you guys, what happened? I used to LOVE this show, even last season, but the magic's just not there anymore.
12 of 16 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 31, 2008 11:56 AM
"So, does anyone else think BeigeDave is gunning for Mike bc Mike & SkeleHatcher killed his rels in the auto accident at the top of the season?"
My thoughts exactly! I figure it was either his wife and daughter or sister and niece. I kinda hope that's not it because it's just too predictable and I'd really like to see a big surprise twist this season.
13 of 16 | Posted by Wild Heart | Posted on November 4, 2008 12:49 PM
"Or, maybe she missed her period. Do women actually write those down in a date book? Or is that just a TV thing? Discuss."
www. mycycle . com
14 of 16 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 13, 2008 9:31 PM
Is it just me or did the writers' strike really mess up a lot of shows, as in...Vacation = loss of creativity?
Time to play devil's advocate - Yes, Mike is the obvious target of Dave's not-so-fiendish plot of destruction, but wouldn't he also be targeting Susan if it's about that car accident?
Also, Hypnotoad, you're so awesome for the Leif Garrett reference. Did you know him and Nicolette Sheridan lived together...when she was FIFTEEN? "I think they loved" each other. ;)
15 of 16 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 13, 2008 9:50 PM
Oops, sorry 'bout the bad grammar. Just woke up after watching this show...
16 of 16 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 13, 2008 9:52 PM