This week on Desperate Housewives, Carlos has the magic touch when it comes to the mom on Six Feet Under, Dave reveals quite a bit more about his mysteriousness, Porter has an interesting liaison, and Katherine has sex for the first time in 2 years. But best of all: Lily freakin' Tomlin!
I guess McCluskey has forgiven you for going long with the Laugh In crap at the Emmy's, robbing her of her bit. The scandal!
Oooh, the first thing we see is Carlos in his masseur outfit. Mary Alice voiceovers about how much the ladies love them some Mr. Solis. One middle-aged woman loves him so much that she has her own little happy ending. I have to say that I'm one of those people who really doesn't like getting massages all that much, but I pretty much have a little orgasm whenever I see Ricardo Antonio Chavira, so I sympathize with this old broad.
Carlos asks Clay, his cute co-worker, if he's ever accidentally given a woman la petite mort, and Clay's all, "Accidental? I have a hard enough time giving my girlfriend a regular one. And I try really, really hard." Maybe it's because your girlfriend knows you're gay, Clay. I mean, it's so obvious. Clay insinuates that Carlos didn't know what he was touching, and Carlos begins yet another sentence with, "I may be blind . . ." It's his catchphrase. Whoa - that old orgasmic ho tipped Carlos $300! He shows the money to Gabby when he gets home, and Gabby likey! But he obviously doesn't tell her how he got the huge tip. Also? I think Carlos's hair is ten times grayer than last week. By next week he'll be like Dave.
This guy gave her an orgasm too, so don't be too flattered.
Shortened credits. Man, whoever created that full credit sequence must be pissed. Mary Alice blahs about dangerous women and how you can tell they're dangerous from what they wear, but mostly how they behave . . . with another woman's husband. In this case, Tom Scavo. Some blonde chick (who looks really familiar) named Anne, flirts with Tom until Lynette shows up. Anne is showing Tom a big empty loft-type space for his "band," The Tom Scavo Experience Featuring The Wisteria Lane Cuckolds. Or, if y'all want to suggest a name for Tom's band in the comments -- winner gets his/her band name used from here on. Lynette is immediately on board and sold on that idea! And she says so without sounding the least bit passive-aggressive. And I'm lying. Tom signs the lease on the spot.
Susan's in her kitchen, blabbing to someone about how Jackson wanted to move in and that's just crazy, right? For a few seconds, I was thinking to myself, "It's Julie! She's talking to Julie! Julie's back!" But unless Julie's now a middle-aged black man, it's not her. I mean, she could be - it's been a crazy 5 years in the Eagle State. The only black man in Fairview, Frank, is doing some painting for Suzy-Q. He gives her some advice on love and pride and prejudice, and Susan offers to pay him more than she is now. Old lady orgasms, real estate and paint! This episode rocks!
Actually, they should recast Julie with this guy. He's way better.
Back at the Solis' house, Carlos introduces Gabby to the mom from Six Feet Under. I've never seen that show, and I'm a little sick of people saying, "Oh my gosh you haven't seen it!? It's SO good! You would love it!" Would I? Would I?! On this show, she's Mrs. Hildebrand, or as we all know her, Mrs. Moist As a Snack Cake Down There. The gal who . . . you know . . . all over the massage table. She tells Gabby that Carlos has cured her back pain. Yeah, and your vagina pain, eh Mrs. Hildebrand? Apparently, she wants to take Carlos with her to Europe for two months as her personal masseur. That's crazy, until she says she'll pay him $50,000! Wha? I'd touch 50-year-old ladies for $50,000. Heck, I'd do more than touch. Wait, no I wouldn't. Gabby, of course, is all for it.
« Celebrity Rehab: Acronym Fever. Catch It! | Main | Real World Road Rules Challenge: Can I get that in tens and twenties please? »
Comments (18)
I literally was like "Well at least he didn't murder anyone" about the guy Katherine slept with. Pretty bad.
Is Porter the Scavo that was cybering with Lynette? I am too lazy to look it up.
I really was so sold on Dave being related to the people Mike killed in the car accident.
1 of 18 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on November 5, 2008 1:22 PM
Hi - I love your recaps, and I'm actually not done with this one yet, but I wanted to point out that Bree told Katherine to get a 'pedicure' (or do one or something like that). That's when she said, "What do you bet I take my socks off and see if Orson's already done it for me?"
Still not utterly hilarious, but at least now it makes sense. :-)
2 of 18 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on November 5, 2008 1:37 PM
Hi - I love your recaps and look forward to them! I just wanted to point out that Bree actually told Katherine to get a 'pedicure', when Katherine responded with "What do you bet I take my socks off and see if Orson's already done it for me?"
Still not utterly hilarious, but at least now it makes sense. :-)
3 of 18 | Posted by Nakabe | Posted on November 5, 2008 1:42 PM
I loved the new spelling of Blu. It totally reminded me of Blu Cantrell who sang Hit Em Up Style. Good song. ha
4 of 18 | Posted by aman | Posted on November 5, 2008 1:42 PM
Sorry about that double posting, I thought I canceled the first :-/
5 of 18 | Posted by nakabe | Posted on November 5, 2008 1:51 PM
nakabe - But see, it still doesn't make sense to me. It's all about the semantics. If Katherine had said something like, "What do you bet I REACH DOWN TO take my socks off and see Orson's already done it for me?" then it would make sense. It's weird that she says she actually takes them off and then notices that they were already off. She can't take off her socks herself and then notice that someone else had already done it.
Or, I may just be crazy.
6 of 18 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 5, 2008 2:54 PM
hypnotoad- You're not crazy but what she meant was that Orson would have already done her pedicure for her =)
Great recap as always! I'm with you in ur McClusky love and Jackson hair hatred.
7 of 18 | Posted by corndog | Posted on November 5, 2008 4:02 PM
Holy. Crap. I'm not crazy, I'm just. Frigging. Stupid. Dang. I totally did not get that. I bow down before you, gasmii. I tip my hat to you sirs/madams.
8 of 18 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 5, 2008 4:47 PM
I think Porter actually offered to cover Tom's car, which makes that part a little less silly.
And also, are these episodes even good? I have never seen any before this season (because no Gale Harold = no kelsey), so I have nothing to compare them to...but the Dave story is lagging and it makes me crazy.
9 of 18 | Posted by kelsey | Posted on November 5, 2008 8:35 PM
Holy crap. Was I even paying attention to this episode? I blame the rum. Partially.
Kelsey - the show was darn awesome in the past. Even season 1, which is arguably the best season of the show. That rarely happens. If you can, I'd check it out. The mystery was much more interesting and fast-paced, and the "evil" characters were much darker. Season 2 was okay, and I really loved season 3. Season 4 was affected by the writers strike, but I felt that the mystery then really kept my interest.
Rent season 1 on DVD. I guarantee you'll be hooked. And also, very surprised about how some of the characters acted back then.
10 of 18 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 5, 2008 9:51 PM
But to add my humble opinion (which I should have done in the first place), this season is completely the weakest of all DH seasons. I really feel that they're not giving Lynette anything to do other than be suspicious/jealous of Tom, and that road has been well-covered. And as for the other ladies, there's just nothing there. I liked it when the actual ladies of Wisteria Lane were involved in the "mysteries," and so far this season, it hasn't really happened.
11 of 18 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 5, 2008 9:56 PM
"and Susan offers to pay him more than she is now."
I took that to mean she felt the new painter was worth more... but I didn't get she would cough it up or anything. Still, it was a nice exchange.
reading on...
12 of 18 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on November 6, 2008 1:00 AM
Hey DP -- "Is Porter the Scavo that was cybering with Lynette? I am too lazy to look it up."
me too, but I am pretty sure it's the twin bc he looks a little bit different, plus they prob have to give both boys some screen time, contractually speaking, non?
just a guess.
Also, yeah -- Lily fucking Tomlin -- I had no idea and was soooooo psyched to see her! She is such an incredible comedian. If you ever get the chance to see her legendary one woman show - do.
more l8r............
13 of 18 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on November 6, 2008 1:08 AM
btw, hypnotoad - this is some hilariously snarky shit you've got going on here. loving these recaps.
I've really gotta go to bed..........
14 of 18 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on November 6, 2008 1:14 AM
Agree this is one of the lamest seasons of DH. I don't hate the 5 year jump, but there just isn't much action ... and it's SLOW. I like always love Neil McDon. (Dave) and was excited for his addition, but it's meandering and ... well, kind of lame.
Lily Tomlin was super, and McClusky is fun this year too. I liked the old Katherine better, she was super last year. Oh ... and Tom & Lynnette drive me crazy. What's up with her hair, anyways? Partial wig? She was best when she was working at the ad agency as super-mom.
OK, that's my two cents.
Enjoyed the recap Hypnotoad..gracias for your work!
15 of 18 | Posted by Yur Mom | Posted on November 6, 2008 9:14 AM
You guys, I totally just scoured the northern Chicago area for "9 to 5" and I finally found it at Barnes and Noble in Evanston. Hee! When she's wheeling that body out of the hospital -- I love me some Lily Tomlin!
Since the Katherine/McCluskey Mystery Hour proved to be a disappointment, I'm glad to see Cherry brought in Tomlin. I have a feeling that the McCluskey/Sister McCluskey Mystery Hour will be even better!
16 of 18 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 7, 2008 10:44 PM
Love your recaps! I looked up that Ann Kirby--she is played by Gail O'Grady from NYPD Blue.
17 of 18 | Posted by EllenA551 | Posted on November 8, 2008 6:23 PM
Dude, Dave Williams is in Angels in the Outfield. Don't ask why I was watching that, but seriously. He plays a moron with beige hair.
18 of 18 | Posted by christ911 | Posted on November 16, 2008 12:37 PM