You guys, I apologize for the lateness of this one. I just started a new part-time job, and with my other part-time job, and school, well . . . my bad. But I love you so much that I'm actually writing this recap on the Red Line to downtown. What's that you say? You don't care? You're just here for the recap? Fine. Just fine. So let's get started!

It's the same night as last week. For the people on the show, not for you. It's five minutes later. Again, not for you. Mary Alice voiceovers that there was a slight misunderstanding that night at the Scavo's. Isn't the Scavo family motto? "The Scavo's - Where every day is a misunderstanding." Lynette suspects that Tom is having an affair with Anne Kirby, and of course her response is to yell at Tom. Does she take Tom's balls out of her pants pockets before she washes them? Tom, thinking that she knows that it's Porter and his "girl from English class," is all, "Boys will be boys!" Lynette is shocked, shocked(!) at Tom's response. They go back and forth until Porter gets in, and Lynette's all, "You're having sex with your best friend's mother?!" If I had a dime for every time my mom said that . . .

Biggest acting turn this kid's taken all season.

After the credits, Mary Alice blahs about desire. Gabby takes clothes out of shopping bags, and over at Edie's house, Edie licks a bit of frosting off a cupcake. Get a good look at her kids, cuz this is all the Edie you get in this episode. Is Nicolette Sheridan pregnant or something? She's never around. If she's still dating Michael Bolton, I hope the kid gets her hair, cuz ain't no one wanna see that tousled crap on a kid. Unless it's Keri Russell in Felicity. Aah, Felicity. Why did you choose Ben over Noel? WHY?!

It takes more than the occasional surgery to keep a woman her age this thin.

Porter sulks over at the Scavo's. Lynette orders Porter to call Anne and break it off. Porter explains that Anne's husband is a violent psycho, and if he finds out and hurts her, then by gum, he's out of the house. Lynette says that if he doesn't end it, then SHE will throw HIM out. And with that, Lynette has become a hybrid of John Rowland's mom and Bree. Nothing like recycling old plots, Cherry. Lazy!

He'll lock her in the basement! And then she'll commit suicide and start narrating things from the grave! And Susan will do a pratfall!

Over at Super Kitchen, Bree and Orson are having a discussion with Charlie, some peon who works for them. Turns out he stole $200 from the "petty cash box." Who has an cash box lying around? Did Orson and Bree get a job making Frito pies and hot dogs at the Fairview high school basketball games? They know for a fact (and have evidence, they say) that he stole it, and Charlie explains that he spent the money on some wacky tobaccy. Orson: "Well, you've just covered yourself in glory on this one." Hee. Bree's all, "Can you believe that? A thief AND a pothead." Um, yeah, Bree, we can. His name is Andrew, and he's your son, circa seasons 1-3. Orson: "Well, now we know where the two pounds of cookie dough went." Ha! Me likey Orson in this episode.

Over at the Restaurant of Second Chances, Jackson and Susan are talking about not having sex over dessert. Susan's applying her rule of no sex until the fourth date. My rule is no sex until the fourth hour. Susan looks pretty. I guess someone smeared just enough Vaseline on the lens.

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