Testimonials

Suzy-Q wants to know if Jackson knows all about her, and asks if he knows her least favorite word. It's "panties." Huh. I thought it would be "rational." I had a roommate once who absolutely hated the word "moist," just so you know. Now Suzy-Q wants to know something about Jackson. Sadly, she doesn't ask, "When the hell are you going to cut your hair, you freak?" Jackson tells her he's not just a painter of houses, but also a painter of . . . paintings as well. Oh, lord. He went to "art school in Paris." Yeah, Paris, Texas. He's been blocked for the past year, and has since stopped painting. I think he stopped because his sad clown series just wasn't selling.

If at first you don't succeed, do us all a favor and don't try ever again. God is trying to tell you something.

Over at McCluskey's (yay!), McCluskey and her sister Roberta discuss Deftly Dangerous Dave. Roberta found out, through his cell phone records, that he gets some calls from someone in Boston every month. He always calls back a few days after, and Roberta says she traced the number to a Dr. Heller, psychiatrist. This would be interesting if we already didn't find that out in the first couple of episodes. However, Roberta brings up her computer - which makes an electronic beeping sound that only computers on TV make when characters use them - to show that Dr. Heller treats (gasp!) the criminally insane! Shocking. Well, kind of.

Over at Mrs. Gets Off When Carlos Touches Me's house, Gabby and Carlos are lounging at the pool. Now, Carlos has sunglasses on. I only think it's weird because we've never seen him with sunglasses on before (at all) this season. And since he's blind, I really don't see the point (and yes, I know that many blind people wear sunglasses all the time, but that's my point right there). Maybe his eyes are still sensitive to the light, or maybe Gabby said they looked cool. I don't know, and I don't know why I'm spending so much time talking about it.

Mrs. Hildebrand wants the Solis family to stay the weekend. Carlos says no, but Gabby, high on couture and margaritas, says that it's cool. Turns out, Celia's birthday party is this weekend, and Carlos wants to be home for that. Gabby manipulates Carlos into staying, even though he wants to keep some "professional distance" from the woman he gave an orgasm to.

Dance, monkey!

At Tom's loft space, The Tom Scavo Experience gets ready to rehearse, but they're totally not going to sound right with Carlos not there to provide the sweet sounds of the tambourine, if you ask me. Dave says he got them a gig at the "Battle of the Bands" at "The White Horse." The other dudes are all, Whaaaaaaa? Better get to work on that cover of "MmmBop!" Tom says that you have to audition for that, but Dave knows someone who knows Edie - i.e., boned the crap out of him in his Miata - who set it up. But it seems that you have to have an original song for "Battle of the Bands," and no one really knows how to write a song. Tom: "I know a little bit." Orson: "No you don't." Hi-O! Orson! So funny this week! Dave says he and Mike will write something, but Mike says he has plans. Everyone gets all junior high and talks about whether or not it's Susan, but Mike's holding out on them.

Over at Mrs. Hildebrand's, the Carlos and Gabby are snuggled on the bed (kids on the floor) watching some animated movie about zoo animals or ogres or penguins or crap like that. Mrs. Hildebrand walks in, gets all wide-eyed, and asks, "Oooh! What is that?!" It's a television, grandma. It's like a radio with pictures. Gabby blabs about the animated movie, and Mrs. Hildebrand, being a sad old lady who never has orgasms, makes herself right at home on the bed, and when Gabby says she's blocking the TV, she snuggles in right next to Gabby and Carlos under the covers. Awkward! And why is Carlos wearing p.j.s? No. No no no, Cherry. Note: Carlos sleeps naked, or in lieu of nakedness, bikini briefs.

Watch your husband. He acted like he couldn't see the surrogate mom, too.

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