Testimonials

Hey, you guys? Remember that "mysterious" plot? The one with Dave? I know it's hard, but think back to the beginning of this episode . . . there you go. McCluskey's on the phone with Dr. Heller, pretending to be someone from "Hilltop Insurance." She wants to verify Dave Williams's medical history. Dr. Heller doesn't know any Dave Williams, and McCluskey replies that he should, since he calls him every month. D'oh! Roberta takes the phone from McCluskey, acting as the supervisor of "Hilltop Insurance." She again asks Dr. Heller to confirm that he is treating Dave, but draws a blank when he asks for her Medicare Provider number, telling him, "I'm not sure. We're in the process of converting to the metric system." Hee! I heart Roberta.

She levels with Dr. Heller, and says that Dave just moved to Fairview and is really creeping people out. This intrigues and perhaps slightly terrifies Dr. Heller, who's all, "He's in Fairview now?" And when Roberta asks him if that's important and if he knows something, he tells her he just wants to know where she's calling from so he can file a report. Well, so much for that, you salty lasses. Roberta grabs McCluskey's coffee. Roberta: "Can I Irish that up for ya?" McCluskey: "Well, it's noon somewhere." Oh! I want to be a part of their mystery team!

Andrew brings the tape back to Orson and Bree, saying he bought a case of beer for some bikers and the rest took care of itself. Andrew pops in the tape and tells them to watch. Sick! But it turns out that it wasn't Orson and Bree makin' whoopee in the kitchen, but . . . Katherine and Mike!

At Jackson's apartment, he's painting, trying to remember his training, a.k.a. the Bob Ross episodes he TiVo'ed off PBS. Susan knocks on the door and he lets her in. Shortly thereafter, she takes off her jacket to reveal that she's wearing lingerie she probably borrowed from Edie. Remember Edie? Yeah, me neither. Susan declares it the fourth date and wants to knock boots, but Jackson says he's busy. Susan spies some paint on his face and Jackson admits to painting again. Why not celebrate your creative spark by boning me on the couch, asks Susan? Why not indeed? Jackson's not done with the painting, he says, and Suzy-Q rushes into his little studio to see his unfinished masterpiece. It turns out, it's a portrait of Susan, and I have to say it looks a lot like her.

Scratch my original caption. If at first you don't succeed, date someone who looks exactly like your greatest FAIL.

Things get schmaltzy when Susan says he captured a look on Susan's face that she didn't think he knew. It's the kind of face she gets when she's had too much Indian food and has to spend the night on the toilet. Or something else, I don't know. Jackson asks Susan to pose nude for him so he can finish the painting.

That's the only face you can make. But your lines are miniscule. Long live the bubonic plague!

Bree goes over to Katherine's and gives her a copy of the videotape (it's actually a disc), and says that she should have it, since it's a surveillance shot of the kitchen. Katherine is embarrassed and asks what kind of "demented slut" would have sex in the kitchen? Any lady on Wisteria Lane, Katie. Any woman on Wisteria Lane. Bree prickles at the sound of that, and then asks Katherine if she knows what she's doing, since Susan is her friend. Even though they're divorced, and Susan's dating other people, as Katherine smartly brings up. Bree says "women don't do that." Edie does! Remember Edie? I don't either. Katherine says Bree shouldn't make her feel guilty. Right on! Katherine seems excited about the tape when Bree leaves.

Lynette goes into Porter's bedroom to tell him it's time for breakfast. And also that she knows where Porter's coming from, but he'll find real love soon, he just needs time, and then he'll see where she's coming from. The phone rings, and its Anne. Or, as Porter calls her, "Gary." That's a weird pet name, but whatev. Oh, oh, I see. He's just calling her that because Lynette's right there. Anne says she can leave town on Saturday and asks Porter if he has the money. Porter says yeah, and after an "I love you" from Anne, he hangs up. He looks at his mother, and gets this distant, wistful look in his eyes, and says that he knows where she's coming from, and that he appreciates all that Lynette and Tom have done for him.

Second biggest acting face ever.

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