We all have fears. A fear that our lover doesn't feel the same as we do. A fear of the dark, and what lurks and goes bump within that darkness. A fear that our television series won't be picked up for another season. The only way to overcome these fears is to face them and come out the other side stronger and more resilient. I did that this week and watched Desperate Housewives in High Definition for the first time. Truly terrifying.
"Okay, Ms. Hatcher. We're gonna do one more coat and see if that works."
Mary Alice Ghostly tells us that Edie Britt had a lot of fears as a kid and the mean boys in the neighborhood never missed a chance to try and scare her, whether by putting a frog down the back of her dress, prank calling her, or lifting her skirt to reveal her teeny weeny in church. Today her only fear is that her man would leave her for another man-woman. And bunnies.
When Edie walks in to her home, her biggest fear is coming true as Carlos is packing all his belongings while wearing a bunny suit. He tells her that she must know things haven't been working for a while; she's been giving it to him from behind moderately hard at best and the last time they played "schoolgirl and stern headmaster," she basically phoned it in, making Carlos carry the entire scene with his school girl performance. Edie begs Carlos to be honest with her and tell her if there is someone else to which he replies no, there's barely even her. Edie of course knows otherwise, so after Carlos leaves she hightails it to the local branch of the IRS.
A clip from the wildly unpopular classic spin-off A Very Brady Gangbang
Halloween has once again come to Wisteria Lane, and just like fashion trends, it comes late. The new gays on the block are out trolling for attendees that don't already hate them and set their sights on Bree since she has a gay son and wears that frigid bitch costume everyday anyway. While talking to Bree, Bob and Lee look up to see Danielle pushing her big greasy face against the window. Bob asks if that was the daughter they've read so much about in truck stop bathrooms, but Bree tells them that it was actually her son Andrew trying on his Cher costume for Halloween. Bob and Lee say they definitely want him at the party.
"Shoot! My scaregay didn't work."
Lynette is being brought home from her latest round of Chemo with Tom and Stella raving about what a trooper she was and how she doesn't have many more rounds of chemo to go. As she's being led inside, Lynette notices a hole in the garden beside the one she dug to threaten the kids. Stella says that it's probably from the opossum she saw in the yard the other day. Lynette freaks out because no one told her that there was an opossum in the yard. Them's good eatin'.
Susan and Mike are at the Potentially Mutated Children Clinic. Susan asks why her OB/GYN recommended that she come there and the doctor tells her that since she's of a certain.....well, since she's not a spring.....pretty people need tests. Susan begins detailing her family's medical history: arthritis on her mom's side, 2 cousins with webbed feet, a lot of third nipples, a baby's thumb growing out of her aunt's forehead, conjoined, cross-eyed twin nephews, and an uncle with a nasty case of Organs-on-the-Outside Syndrome. Mike says that his family is pretty healthy, and human, although his dad has high blood pressure but he's now able to regulate it with medication. Susan says, "wait, you told me your father was dead!" Mike tries to confuse Susan by telling her that he told her that she was dead and then he fakes an emergency page and leaves. Later that night, Mike comes home and tries to sneak into Susan's cryotube, but she's waiting up for him. After some gentle nagging, Mike finally confesses that his father is in prison for murder. Susan says he sounds hot and insists they meet him.
"Damn it, Michael Nerdstrom Delfino! You lied to me!"
« I Love New York 2: A Tale of Two Spitties | | America's Most Smartest Model: One Little Piggy Went Home »
Comments (16)
"Edie comes to Victor's house dressed like Alexis Carrington on a bender."
Strangely enough, my first thought upon seeing that outfit was "I can't wait to hear what Fozzie says about this one." And you never disappoint!
1 of 16 | Posted by roadtripper8 | Posted on November 6, 2007 5:46 AM
Put out the gangplank, I'm officially abandoning the S.S. Desperate Housewives. The show has lost all its sparkle and become a badly-imitated Charlie Chaplin movie with Terri Hatcher playing the Little Tramp.
It was fun while it lasted, but this is a disaster of major proportions. There isn't a likeable character in the entire cast and the plot and arcs are so far out there the Hubble telescope can't find them. One question, though: Whatever happened to the Scavo restaurant?
2 of 16 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on November 6, 2007 7:33 AM
I love your recaps so very, very much. At first I thought the Edie-is-a-man digs were too cruel, but they are so consistent and SO cruel that it wrapped back around to funny.
"...and an uncle with a nasty case of Organs-on-the-Outside Syndrome."
heheee!
talma63: I think the Scavo restuarant was demolished and the scraps were used to build that totally random and ill-conceived tree house that's only two feet off the ground and hangs out over the road. jk! The writers are just ignoring it because they are, oops I mean it is boring >D
3 of 16 | Posted by LornaCat3k | Posted on November 6, 2007 10:46 AM
Another great recap... but the show is still slipping... I just reset it's DVR level below "I Love New York", where the characters are more consistant and believable.
What doesn't kill you is liable to leave you maimed (thinking of my ex, here).
4 of 16 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 6, 2007 11:20 AM
thanks for another gleeful recap! As if Andrew wouldn't know who Cher is . . . harrrummpphhhh!!!
I'm not hating the show, but I love your skewing of just the right weaknesses . . . I just wish they could do something more interesting with Edie than vengeful tranny!
Gotta give it to Danielle--Killer Bree impersonation!!!! Even some good little giving up white baby acting . . .
5 of 16 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on November 6, 2007 3:10 PM
So Im the only one that thoguht the possum was palying dead (because thats what possums do!) and expected it to jump up and bite lynette giving her rabies, thus begining a new storyline about lynette having rabies and getting shots and tom not wanting to have sex with someone who was foaming at the mouth?
6 of 16 | Posted by goosegg1001 | Posted on November 6, 2007 4:47 PM
So Im the only one that thought the possum was playing dead (because thats what possums do!) and expected it to jump up and bite lynette giving her rabies, thus begining a new storyline about lynette having rabies and getting shots and tom not wanting to have sex with someone who was foaming at the mouth?
7 of 16 | Posted by goosegg1001 | Posted on November 6, 2007 4:51 PM
Im really mad about my double post. I checked to make sure it didnt go through, and then i corrected my spelling mistakes and reposted. I swear it wasnt there. grrrrr I guess ill stop being annoyed at double posters since clearly they arent all the morons I thought they were.
8 of 16 | Posted by goosegg1001 | Posted on November 6, 2007 4:59 PM
So I'm killing time at work, and almost wet myself laughing so hard at the reference to the greatest Christmas movie of all time...I've been trying to convince myself it's too early to start watching A Christmas Story every couple days, but the thought of Lynette shooting her eye out with an official Red Ryder carbine-action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time, may have pushed me over the edge...It even got me to finally register an account on here so I can finally join in the fun...Well done sir
9 of 16 | Posted by russlav | Posted on November 6, 2007 7:25 PM
Awesome Buffy reference!
10 of 16 | Posted by mushy | Posted on November 6, 2007 8:54 PM
"That genie's gotta little captain in him"
Thought I would die when I read that - just perfect!!
Great recap and to all those who arent loving on this show, dont hate - it certainly is a waste of an hour but one that I look forward to each week - just like this recap.
11 of 16 | Posted by jelliepair | Posted on November 7, 2007 6:18 AM
hey everybody, thanks for the comments!
Mushy, I'm so glad someone caught my Buffy reference!
And good point, Jellie. I'm still loving this show. It may the fact that I watch it 3-6 times a week to do the recaps, but I really look forward to it each week.
And Goose, I hate the double posting thing. Who do I have to sleep with to get that fixed? No seriously, I will.
Fire@Will, shame on you for choosing a vapid, self, obsessed, aging nympho over four of them!
Judd, I was really hoping Andrew would choose to go as Cher in Silkwood.
Roadtripper, seriously what the hell was up with that outfit? It looked like she killed and skinned my grandma's captains chair.
Lorna, glad I could swing both ways for ya. ;)
Talma, we will miss you and I pity your loss.
12 of 16 | Posted by fozziebare13 | Posted on November 7, 2007 10:54 AM
RUSS!! How did I overlook your comment?? I too was overcome with the urge to crack open my DVD and watch Ralphie after I saw Lynette perched in the tree waiting for Black Bart and his possum gang. So glad you appreciate the greatest Christmas movie ever made, other than Die Hard, as much as I do.
13 of 16 | Posted by Fozziebare13 | Posted on November 7, 2007 11:03 AM
"I guess I'll stop being annoyed at double posters since clearly they arent all the morons I thought they were."
too funny, goose!!
It's surprisingly easy to double post. I may have mentioned this before, but once when I posted, it said it didn't go through (but it always does, I've noticed) and then after I merely refreshed the page -- I got a double post!
more later after I've actually watched the show and then read the recap, not just the hilarious comments...
14 of 16 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on November 7, 2007 12:55 PM
Wow, Orson's costume took the cake. Every time he turned his head, his stupid hair would swing. I could not look at him with a straight face for the entire episode.
Hmm..any bets on what the baby will be named?
~Georgia
15 of 16 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on November 7, 2007 3:53 PM
Boring episode, decent recap.
I really feel sorry for the guy playing Andrew and having to dress up in that ghastly Cher outfit, even if it did show off his gym-sculpted biceps.
16 of 16 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on November 11, 2007 4:00 PM