We open this week with Katherine's aunt Lily finally being brought home from the hospital, away from all those old slags and constant death, back to the comfort of Wisteria Lane. Ironic, no? As she's wheeled in the house, Mary Alice tells us that Lily has begun to think about regrets in her life, including the horrible secret that she and Katherine have kept from Dylan all these years, as well as that night with Al Joelson and a fifth of J.D. at Fatty Arbuckle's house.

When Lily is settled into the Super Secret Forbidden Room, she and Katherine share a pleasant conversation about what it's like to die, which is surprisingly a lot like season 2, before Lillian tells Katherine that she fears she won't get into heaven due to the horrible things they did to Dylan. Lillian insists that they come clean, but Katherine does one of her trademark personality shifts and grits a stern "absolutely not," before getting up to leave. Mary Alice tells us that Lillian realizes that death cannot come quickly enough, and luckily Katherine agrees.

"Why Grandma, what big plot holes you have."

Next up we see a strikingly handsome new stud cake named Bob Hunter, crinkling his nose and looking at the city with disdain. Mary Alice Ghostly tells us that the thing he hates most about the city are the pests: the rats, the flies, the jerks that ask you for an "extra cigarette" on the street. There's no such thing as an "extra cigarette" unless Philip Morris accidentally puts 21 in a pack. Anyway, Bob is fed up with the crime and fakeness of the city so he has decided to move to Wisteria Lane. Ironic, no? Bob informs his significant other of his decision and we see his life partner is a man. That's crazy. A man can't have another man as a life partner unless he's......OMG a gay couple! Oh glorious light from heaven, we finally have a gay couple on Wisteria Lane! YES! Edie's gonna be pissed and demand a measuring contest.

"WOW! There is no way Edie can beat that!"

The happy couple, Neil and Bob, I mean Lee and Bob are moving in their antique tea cups and Christina Aguilera albums when Susan bounces over to introduce herself. She chats with the couple for several minutes before realizing that they are actually real-life, stark-raving, three-dimensional homogays just like she's seen on cable. Susan rebounds from the awkward realization quickly, telling them that she's totally cool with the homogays. Her own husband is probably one. Bob mentions that they moved to the suburbs since it would be better for Raphael, their oddly not-small dog. Susan continues to stumble and put her liver spotted feet in her mouth about gays not being allowed to adopt, how much she loves The Golden Girls and how many Liberace albums she owns, until she finally says goodbye. The gays roll their eyes, since that's what we do.

Across the way, a delivery has arrived for Bree and the scary Van Death Camp clan. Rex's mother sent Danielle a motorized scooter in a feeble attempt buy her affection, which wouldn't work unless there was a black dildo strapped to the seat. Andrew begs to have it, despite the lack of phallic accessories, but Bree won't allow it. She has strong feelings about two-wheeled motorized death traps that go all of 7 miles an hour, so she decides to donate it to the church for the annual raffle. Since she turned her back on God when she killed her pharmacist and then faked a pregnancy, it's the least she could do.

"I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel."

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Posted in Desperate Housewives by FozzieBare at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)
Last Comment: jason.nelson13@gmail.com on Oct 28, 2007 09:20 AM.