Previously on Desperate Housewives Edie got lost in an airbrushed house of mirrors possibly to never be seen again.
Lynette has never felt like the best mother in the world. There was the time that she bribed Parker with cash to finish his spinach. The time she convinced the boys that there was buried treasure under the weeds in her garden. The time that she sold all four into white slavery and was less than thrilled when they found their way back. Despite all that she knew she wasn't the worst mother in the world, that was until Children and Family services came knocking on her door to inform her to the contrary. It seems Kayla turned Lynette in for repeatedly beating her, slapping her in public and mental anguish.
This must be the introduction to the opposites.
"What's in a name?" Mary Alice asks. As it turns out Lynette means "pretty one," Katherine denotes purity, Gabriel is a Hebrew word that means, "God is my strength," Bree is an Irish word for power. And of course Susan is Gaelic for "skin graft." Every name has a meaning, which is why Susan and Mike are having such a hard time coming up with a good one for their new baby.
Proof is, of course, the name Tom and Katie are going to name their next baby. Mistake is too on the nose. The two go back and forth, tossing out stinkers like Peyton and Nathaniel, total pussy names, until they overhear a page on the intercom stating, "Dr. Conner to radiology." They both look at each other and realize that they have finally found the baby's name. Intercom Delfino. Has a nice ring to it.
Back at Casa de Gaby, Ellie has left the house giving Gaby and the police handyman time to plant the bugs in Ellie's room. While Gaby and the chubby police technician, who's kind of cute in a fat way, I got his number, plant the bugs they hear Ellie coming back down the hall. Gaby falls back to her default cover and throws the fat guy to the bed and starts making out with him. When Ellie enters she is furious that Gaby broke into her room but more furious that Gaby is making out with a fat guy.
"He just makes me feel even tinier than I am."
While at church, Bree and the rest of the congregation are instructed by the Minister to turn and offer peace to their neighbor. When Bree turns, she finds that Orson has snuck into the church and is sitting creepily close behind her. Bree is furious that Orson keeps popping up when she least expects him: in the grocery store, at the manicurist, driving a cartoon car up her body from under the covers, and demands that he stop stalking her.
Speaking of popping up out of nowhere and acting creepy, as Katherine unloads groceries she is startled when Wayne pops up behind her and tells her, in that creepy Mr. Brady/American Gothic tone, that she shouldn't leave her door unlocked because any psychotic could walk in off the street. Sadly for Katherine one just did. As Wayne begins to threaten Katherine for her to tell him what happened to his real daughter, and who this scarless girl is that Katherine is parading around as Dylan, Katherine is saved by the gays. Neil and Bob, the gaybors from next door are in a gay panic as they have just decided to have a commitment ceremony that weekend and need Katherine to help them plan it. Katherine, normally one to shoot any queer that comes on her lawn, happily ushers the boys in and starts talking centerpieces.
The costumer on this show is a total homophobe.
Katherine takes Bree to the firing range to go over the menu for the Civil Union Ceremony they are catering together. While squeezing off a few rounds into a black cutout with Susan's face taped to it, Bree asks Katherine why she wanted to come to the firing range for menu planning, when they usually go to the holocaust museum or AIDS wing of the hospital. Katherine says that since Adam has moved out that she hasn't felt safe alone and wants to make sure that she could defend herself if an intruder broke in. Bree advises Katherine to use hollow point rounds in her gun and try to soil herself when the perp starts raping her. It totally makes them lose momentum.
"Great grouping around Susan's neck waddle."
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Comments (6)
Firstly, great recap as usual.
However, I am having some poblems with the actual show. First: Why was Wayne beating the crap out of Adam, and almost killing him? If he wanted to know what happened to Dylan why didn't he just ask? Confusion. Second: Why did Katherine have to go all the way to Romania to find a fake Dylan, and how did she have time? Confusion. Third: Do you think that Lynette will stop wearing wigs next season, and put on some damn makeup? Confusion. Fourth: Where was Bree's "child" this whole episode? Why didn't she bring him to play poker like Susan did? CONFUSION!!
I have been watching Desperate Houswives since the beginning and even though it can be utterly ridiculous, I still watch. However, I am excited about next season, and seeing Gabby's chubby Latina children.
1 of 6 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on May 22, 2008 5:39 AM
I'm not even done reading the recap, but I just wanted to point out that I nearly spit out my tea when I saw the caption underneath the pic of Carlos looking into the closet. Hi.lar.ious.
I thought Wayne did ask Adam where/who she was and that we weren't shown that so that we'd get the dramatic impact later when we saw Adam's face again. I figured every time Wayne asked a question, Adam just said nothing and Wayne hit him.
I think Katherine went to Romania because she's extra and she, like Bree, probably just wanted to ensure that there was no way anyone in the States could call her out on Dylan not being her child. (Or maybe she's just an Angelina fan.) And I think she would have had the time (to go), I mean she'd probably just run away from her Wayne again, and needed to leave town before anyone realized her daughter was "missing."
As for Lynette, I've no clue. I HOPE she goes back to her hair, five years is a good enough time period for her to grow her hair back.
And I don't know where Bree's (grand)child was either. Probably in Susan's bassinet? Maybe they just thought we wouldn't notice? Perhaps if Bree (and Orson by stalker association) hadn't been gallivanting everywhere throughout the whole episode, it wouldn't have been so obvious. You would never think they'd "had" a child.
And though I'm not finished yet, I'm sure I'll continue to love this awesome recap. Thanks!
2 of 6 | Posted by Nakabe | Posted on May 22, 2008 9:37 AM
I'm not even done reading the recap, but I just wanted to point out that I nearly spit out my tea when I saw the caption underneath the pic of Carlos looking into the closet. Hi.lar.ious.
I thought Wayne did ask Adam where/who she was and that we weren't shown that so that we'd get the dramatic impact later when we saw Adam's face again. I figured every time Wayne asked a question, Adam just said nothing and Wayne hit him.
I think Katherine went to Romania because she's extra and she, like Bree, probably just wanted to ensure that there was no way anyone in the States could call her out on Dylan not being her child. (Or maybe she's just an Angelina fan.) And I think she would have had the time (to go), I mean she'd probably just run away from her Wayne again, and needed to leave town before anyone realized her daughter was "missing."
As for Lynette, I've no clue. I HOPE she goes back to her hair, five years is a good enough time period for her to grow her hair back.
And I don't know where Bree's (grand)child was either. Probably in Susan's bassinet? Maybe they just thought we wouldn't notice? Perhaps if Bree (and Orson by stalker association) hadn't been gallivanting everywhere throughout the whole episode, it wouldn't have been so obvious. You would never think they'd "had" a child.
And though I'm not finished yet, I'm sure I'll continue to love this awesome recap. Thanks!
3 of 6 | Posted by Nakabe | Posted on May 22, 2008 9:42 AM
oh Fozzie, this can't be the end . . . sniff . . . what will I do without your darker than a black hole wit and charm!!!! BOOWHOOWHOOWHOO!!!
Have to say I really enjoyed this epi, and the recap was deliciously scathing as well!
Romania . . . huh . . . but for once the season mystery paid off pretty well. Seems the writings on the wall for the inevitable Susan/plumber break, so I'm glad they just advanced 5 years instead of dragging us through that snooze fest.
Kath is still an evil step-bot, despite her story, and if they get rid of Edie, I'll be very mad!!!! She's my favorite cougar!!!
I'm not a Gabby fan, but it might be fun to see her character go so far off it's beaten path . . . w or w/out carlos--I mean, I know he's blind, and not nearly as much fun as he was, for instance, he would know the door, blind or not, but for some reason, he's not stripped once since the accident . . . it's not right!!!!
I sincerely hope that little Kayla is back as the teenage vixen we can root for, and the whole reason they advanced 5 years is coz of her (or did they find that botox is cancerous and they wanted a ready excuse for the sudden aging all around)
Lastly, I'd have hit the minister, mmmmm . . . . me likes some big Daddy pee-paw with cleft chins!
4 of 6 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 22, 2008 3:47 PM
I love your recaps! Can't wait for next season!!!
5 of 6 | Posted by Dreamstallion33 | Posted on May 30, 2008 4:24 PM
I am so confused about this whole flash forward thing.
Are they going to start the next season 5 years later? Seriously, what the hell?
If they do that, I'm gonna be PISSED. Or are they just giving us a taste of the future or something? Confusing.
This season honestly did nothing for me - it was pretty blah. And completely far-fetched. I mean, Housewives has never been known for its realistic storylines, but this one took the cake, for me.
A good recap for a "meh" season. Thanks Fozzie.
6 of 6 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 30, 2008 5:09 PM