Mike comes into Susan's hospital room to tell her that his mother just called to tell him that his Grandfather just died and would very much like to name the baby after his grandfather. Susan agrees since the name has a family connection, and James is a perfectly perfect name as names go. Unfortunately James is Mike's other grandfather, and Maynard is the one who just died.
Later Katherine comes home to find her door unlocked. As she goes for her gun in her pocketbook, the door flies open to reveal Adam, AKA Captain Mal waiting for her. He heard from Dylan that Wayne was back and wants to take Dylan away somewhere safe, like Beirut or Skull Island, which is lovely this time of year.
When the ladies come to Susan's hospital room, they gush over the beautiful newborn baby, who has Mike's personality, Susan's face and Julie's jawline, until Susan tells them that his name is Maynard. The ladies try and talk Susan out of the name, but she is committed to honoring Mike's grandfather and unfortunately Mike said a plaque just wouldn't do. Bree tries to think positively and come up with a clever nickname until Lynette poses the question, "yea, which do you think would make kids in his class want to hit him less: May or Nerd?" Good point, Pretty One.
Pretty One returns from the hospital to find a police officer waiting to arrest her and toss her pretty ass to the hungry lesbian inmates. Kayla, which incidentally is a Swiss name meaning "Little Evil Bitch Monster from Hell," previously burned herself intentionally with a curling iron and called the police stating that her Stepmonster had done it. Lynette pleads with the officer to not put on the handcuffs in front of her kids, but the female officer tells Lynette that she should have thought about that before she decided to beat one of them. As the officer handcuffs Lynette, the boys scream, "no you're doing it wrong. You're supposed to handcuff her to the radiator and then kick her."
"Hey, watch the wig!"
We're now treated to a really boring subplot where Bree goes out with the Minister who comes on to her inappropriately. Snooze. If Bree were about 30 years younger this would be headline news, but since she's not let's move on.
Ellie comes to talk to Carlos and tells him about Gaby's illicit affair with the chubby handyman. Since Carlos wasn't privy to the handyman cover story cooked up by the police, he assumed this is real based on Gaby's track record as a chubby chaser. Carlos confronts Gaby who sets him straight on the facts. Carlos doubts her initially but Gaby informs Carlos that since he's blind now he has to trust that she is being honest with him when she tells him that she looks hot or that she's not feeding him from the little box and that she's not screwing all the paid help.
More boring Bree stuff. The minister and Orson get in a fight at church and Orson gets knocked out.
As Susan tries to come to terms with her son's stupid name, she finally realizes that it is just not going to work. Susan takes it upon herself to go to the hall of names and change the baby's name back to Conner. The first clerk that Susan speaks to refuses to change the name without both parent's signature, but Susan realizes that the woman has no sympathy because her name is Vanessa and has never had to live with a stupid name. Susan doesn't realize that the woman's full name is Vanessa Turdburger. When Vanessa leaves Susan notices another clerk in the office with a nameplate that shines like a beacon from heaven:
She could have been the next Julia Roberts.
Ellie comes to Gaby to apologize for spilling the beans about the affair to Carlos. Gaby is bitchy and condescending until Ellie tells Gaby that her mother's affair drove her father away thus severing their Family Ties. Ellie's mother went crazy which drove Ellie to the street and made her do a lot of things she's not proud of, and the things that she is proud of she should not be proud of. Gaby sympathizes with Ellie up until, and including the time that her phone rings and the police tell Gaby that they are coming in to make the bust. Gaby has a sudden moment of rare humanity as she grabs Ellie and whispers that the police are coming and she needs to run. Ellie hightails it out the backdoor just as the police burst in the front.
Did they really not know she was a stoner?
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Comments (6)
Firstly, great recap as usual.
However, I am having some poblems with the actual show. First: Why was Wayne beating the crap out of Adam, and almost killing him? If he wanted to know what happened to Dylan why didn't he just ask? Confusion. Second: Why did Katherine have to go all the way to Romania to find a fake Dylan, and how did she have time? Confusion. Third: Do you think that Lynette will stop wearing wigs next season, and put on some damn makeup? Confusion. Fourth: Where was Bree's "child" this whole episode? Why didn't she bring him to play poker like Susan did? CONFUSION!!
I have been watching Desperate Houswives since the beginning and even though it can be utterly ridiculous, I still watch. However, I am excited about next season, and seeing Gabby's chubby Latina children.
1 of 6 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on May 22, 2008 5:39 AM
I'm not even done reading the recap, but I just wanted to point out that I nearly spit out my tea when I saw the caption underneath the pic of Carlos looking into the closet. Hi.lar.ious.
I thought Wayne did ask Adam where/who she was and that we weren't shown that so that we'd get the dramatic impact later when we saw Adam's face again. I figured every time Wayne asked a question, Adam just said nothing and Wayne hit him.
I think Katherine went to Romania because she's extra and she, like Bree, probably just wanted to ensure that there was no way anyone in the States could call her out on Dylan not being her child. (Or maybe she's just an Angelina fan.) And I think she would have had the time (to go), I mean she'd probably just run away from her Wayne again, and needed to leave town before anyone realized her daughter was "missing."
As for Lynette, I've no clue. I HOPE she goes back to her hair, five years is a good enough time period for her to grow her hair back.
And I don't know where Bree's (grand)child was either. Probably in Susan's bassinet? Maybe they just thought we wouldn't notice? Perhaps if Bree (and Orson by stalker association) hadn't been gallivanting everywhere throughout the whole episode, it wouldn't have been so obvious. You would never think they'd "had" a child.
And though I'm not finished yet, I'm sure I'll continue to love this awesome recap. Thanks!
2 of 6 | Posted by Nakabe | Posted on May 22, 2008 9:37 AM
I'm not even done reading the recap, but I just wanted to point out that I nearly spit out my tea when I saw the caption underneath the pic of Carlos looking into the closet. Hi.lar.ious.
I thought Wayne did ask Adam where/who she was and that we weren't shown that so that we'd get the dramatic impact later when we saw Adam's face again. I figured every time Wayne asked a question, Adam just said nothing and Wayne hit him.
I think Katherine went to Romania because she's extra and she, like Bree, probably just wanted to ensure that there was no way anyone in the States could call her out on Dylan not being her child. (Or maybe she's just an Angelina fan.) And I think she would have had the time (to go), I mean she'd probably just run away from her Wayne again, and needed to leave town before anyone realized her daughter was "missing."
As for Lynette, I've no clue. I HOPE she goes back to her hair, five years is a good enough time period for her to grow her hair back.
And I don't know where Bree's (grand)child was either. Probably in Susan's bassinet? Maybe they just thought we wouldn't notice? Perhaps if Bree (and Orson by stalker association) hadn't been gallivanting everywhere throughout the whole episode, it wouldn't have been so obvious. You would never think they'd "had" a child.
And though I'm not finished yet, I'm sure I'll continue to love this awesome recap. Thanks!
3 of 6 | Posted by Nakabe | Posted on May 22, 2008 9:42 AM
oh Fozzie, this can't be the end . . . sniff . . . what will I do without your darker than a black hole wit and charm!!!! BOOWHOOWHOOWHOO!!!
Have to say I really enjoyed this epi, and the recap was deliciously scathing as well!
Romania . . . huh . . . but for once the season mystery paid off pretty well. Seems the writings on the wall for the inevitable Susan/plumber break, so I'm glad they just advanced 5 years instead of dragging us through that snooze fest.
Kath is still an evil step-bot, despite her story, and if they get rid of Edie, I'll be very mad!!!! She's my favorite cougar!!!
I'm not a Gabby fan, but it might be fun to see her character go so far off it's beaten path . . . w or w/out carlos--I mean, I know he's blind, and not nearly as much fun as he was, for instance, he would know the door, blind or not, but for some reason, he's not stripped once since the accident . . . it's not right!!!!
I sincerely hope that little Kayla is back as the teenage vixen we can root for, and the whole reason they advanced 5 years is coz of her (or did they find that botox is cancerous and they wanted a ready excuse for the sudden aging all around)
Lastly, I'd have hit the minister, mmmmm . . . . me likes some big Daddy pee-paw with cleft chins!
4 of 6 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 22, 2008 3:47 PM
I love your recaps! Can't wait for next season!!!
5 of 6 | Posted by Dreamstallion33 | Posted on May 30, 2008 4:24 PM
I am so confused about this whole flash forward thing.
Are they going to start the next season 5 years later? Seriously, what the hell?
If they do that, I'm gonna be PISSED. Or are they just giving us a taste of the future or something? Confusing.
This season honestly did nothing for me - it was pretty blah. And completely far-fetched. I mean, Housewives has never been known for its realistic storylines, but this one took the cake, for me.
A good recap for a "meh" season. Thanks Fozzie.
6 of 6 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on May 30, 2008 5:09 PM