Bree: Bree kicks Orson. Orson is sitting drunk on the corner when Edie pulls up to ask him if those are Bugle Boy jeans he vomited on. The next day Bree finds out that Orson spent the night at Edie's International House of Whorecakes and calls Edie on her tendency to pick at her friend's leftovers (Carlos, Mike, Susan's ex-husband, Katherine's veggie platter, etc.). Edie is offended so she lets Orson move in with her to teach Bree a lesson, of what I'm not sure. Later that night Edie kisses Orson and Bree sees through her night vision goggles.

Gaby: Gaby and Carlos are broke so they take in a roommate Justine Bateman, AKA Ellie. Gaby sees several men coming and leaving Ellie's room. Gaby thinks that Ellie is running a brothel out of their guest room, which infuriates Gaby as that is her signature move. Gaby concocts an elaborate ruse with the help of her fem gay neighbor to catch Ellie red vaginad. When he propositions Ellie for sex in exchange for money, Ellie punches him to the ground and begins kicking him. Gaby interrupts the beating and gets in a good kick before she finally tells Ellie about her suspicions. Ellie tells Gaby that she is a tattoo artist and the men that Gaby has seen are merely getting tattoos.

Lynette: Lynette finds out that Kayla told the boys to start the fire. Lynette confronts Kayla and Kayla responds with a deadpan expression like The Bad Seed. Lynette takes Kayla to a therapist. Kayla tells Lynette that she is going to go to the police and tell them what the boys did. Lynette sees the pure evil in the girl's eyes and quickly removes her from the doctor's office. Later while Tom and Lynette argue Kayla convinces the boys that she jumped off the roof using an umbrella to float to the ground safely. When one of the boys tries this he hurdles to the ground like a bag of wet cement and breaks his arm.

Susan: Goes to Lamaze and runs into her ex-husband and his child bride. She tries to impress him, until he finds out Mike is a recovering addict. Antics ensue.

Katherine: Katherine decides to follow Dylan on one of her dates and spies Dylan and her dad, Wayne, having dinner together. Later Dylan tells her mom the truth and asks if Katherine would meet with him so they can be one big happy family again. Katherine agrees and Dylan's dad comes in the house. When Dylan goes upstairs Katherine tells her ex-husband that she knows why he's really there and warns him that she can't be pushed around anymore, while cutting vegetables with a very sharp knife.

We open this week with Edie going for her daily run from the devil when Bree spots the plastic blur go by her window. Bree chases after Edie, who is easy to catch since she's jogging in Lucite platforms, and stops her on the street. Bree tells Edie that she needs to stop going after Orson simply out of spite. Orson has a finite number of ejaculations left and Bree may need those if she decides to take him back. Edie puts on bravado and her usual lot lizard class, which leads Bree to slap Edie and storm off.

It's the week before Mother's Day on Wisteria Lane, and the rest of the country I assume, so Mike's mother stops by to visit her son now that he's sure not to steal cash from her pocketbook for smack. Mike's mother is doting, Southern and a full-on passive aggressive bitch to Susan. Mike's mom tells Susan that every wife and mother should be a chef in the kitchen, a maid in the living room, a whore in the bedroom and a bear on the toilet therefore Mike's mother is there to help Susan learn how to cook and clean.

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Posted in Desperate Housewives by FozzieBare at 10:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: blahblah on May 18, 2008 10:44 AM.