Lynette and Tom have finally realized that it's time to get some professional help with the kids so they bring in a lion tamer with a taser. Actually he's just a therapist, but when Kayla hears this she realizes that he's actually there to investigate her Bad Seed tendencies. Kayla puts on her best Christina from Mommy Dearest act (when she was a little girl in front of company, not when she was a teenage whore and blatantly attacked her mother in front of a journalist).
Bree decides to go on the offensive with Edie when she sees Edie giving a couple a tour of another vacant house on the street. While Edie is inside the house showing the husband the kitchen, the wainscoting and her vulva, Bree approaches the mother for a little girl talk. She tells the woman that the house is very nice but the realtor is nothing but trouble. When Edie walks out of the house with the husband, while brushing off her knees and wiping her chin, the wife grabs him and tells him that they are leaving and want nothing to do with Edie any more.
I heard this was a good neighborhood to keep your retard son chained in the basement."
Dylan approaches her mother with another invitation for her father to come over for a friendly visit. Katherine says that they will not be entertaining that man in their home any more and instead are going to flea the city in a mad panic. Dylan refuses to follow her mother blindly any longer and tells Katherine that she is welcome to leave, but Dylan is staying there in Wisteriavilleburglonschire with her father.
Over at Susan's place, Mama Adele is helping Susan learn how to cook good old-fashioned Southern dishes like biscuits, chitlins, corn pone and racism. While cooking, Adele ever so subtly interjects verbal attacks at Susan about her inability to cook, her messy home and the fact that Mike has to work so hard because Susan's freelance work doesn't pay enough. All that yet Adelle never once touches on Susan's face.
The verdict is in from the therapist who tells Lynette and Tom that Kayla seems like a perfectly normal girl who is suffering from separation anxiety after her mother was killed by Roseanne's sister. He seems to think that Lynette should spend some quality time with Kayla in order to form a stepmother/daughter bond but also recommends keeping blunt instruments and knives on high shelves.
Orson stops by Bree's place asking to take Benjamin to the carnival since babies love nothing more than roller coasters. Bree informs Orson that it's not a good time considering Orson is an attempted murderer and even worse, he made out with Edie. Orson reminds Bree that Benjamin is his son and he has the rite to see him, causing Bree to remind Orson that Benjamin isn't really his son and any judge would agree.
Over at Casa de Soleis, Ellie is taking Carlos for a walk so that Gaby can have some alone time to blast her Metallica. Shortly after the two leave the house, the fire alarm in Ellie's room starts to go off. Gaby finds the door locked but luckily keeps all the keys to the house in a small metal lockbox under her right boob. When Gaby goes in she turns off the smoke detector she drops the battery under the bed, which leads to Gaby finding about 80 kilos of Columbian prime double bubble Florida snow under the bed. It turns out Ellie isn't really a tattoo artist, rather a dealer.
Dylan and her father are chatting outside of the house when Katherine walks up and asks Dylan to leave. Katherine reaffirms the fact that they are not one big happy family and never will be again. Dylan's dad tells Katherine that he loves Dylan and he also still loves Katherine. Katherine takes this opportunity to tell her ex-husband that, while it's lovely that he still has feelings for her, he shouldn't really feel so strongly toward Dylan since he is not her actual father since Katherine slept around a lot back in the 80s, but who didn't? When Katherine walks away Wayne sees Dylan's gum in the trash can and takes it with him, either to perform a DNA test or to keep building his gum doll.
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Comments (5)
Wow, great recap! It was fast-paced and hilarious. Good job.
1 of 5 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on May 15, 2008 5:38 AM
every single line of this recap was great !!!
i just wish it hadn't ended so abruptly =(
2 of 5 | Posted by angelbayyb | Posted on May 15, 2008 4:01 PM
Gumdoll!!! Tucking it!!!! Absolutely hysterical!!! You are always worth the wait.
So is it me, or does anyone else feel sorry for Edie--I find it pathetic that her blackmail is to make Bree be her friend, it's "sniff" so sad . . . I recall a simillar thing with Susan near the start of the show . . . she's my fave on the show, and my God she's a good tucker, cos I never see the slightest bum where her vulva should be . . . why should she need to read, Tucking it, when she could be the editor!
3 of 5 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 15, 2008 5:35 PM
I'm still on the first page...
Nice recap of the past 2 weeks. It's pretty sad that the plotlines can be summed up that easily and quickly. Goes to show nothing of any substance is happening on the show.
Correction: Katherine was rolling dough with her bare hands with the knife lying in an open drawer while talking to her ex-husband. The "I will kill you" threat was implied.
4 of 5 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on May 17, 2008 11:24 PM
So I finally finished reading the rest of the recap. Good job. I like the run-on sentences that are 50% truth and 50% would be awesome if this really happened!
I hope Edie is leaving for good. Her character is no longer necessary. She's running out of husbands/boyfriends to steal. DH did surprise me a little this week by not making Lynette offended when they realized Tom is the only hubby Edie hasn't stolen, yet (with good reason).
Btw, I cheered when Lynette slapped Kayla. I guess that makes me as evil as Kayla, but I don't care. More kids need to be slapped. Maybe then we wouldn't have to put up with their evil delinquent ways as adults.
5 of 5 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on May 18, 2008 10:44 AM