Testimonials

Later that evening, Bree tells Susan and Mike that Danielle loves her "baby brother" and was devastated that she had to return to "boarding school" and miss all the "happy family" time. The conversation turns to pre-school and Bree tells Susan that she needs to apply now since their friend Debbie Gotleib was waitlisted for her first three choices, and if a Jew can't get in Susan and Mike's spawn doesn't stand a chance. Bree also tells Mike that the average pre-school tuition is $10,000 a year, so he needs to start saving his pennies and hawking the jewelry he fishes out of drains now. Mike is visibly shaken, yet still tediously boring, as Bree rambles on. As most classy dinner party conversations do, this one eventually turns to the topic of circumcision.

Since Benjamin was born at home, on the very table on which they are dining I might add, they had not yet had him nipped and tucked. Orson pipes up and immediately cuts Bree off at the penis telling her he is adamantly opposed to circumcision. It's a painful, archaic ritual which prohibits a man's ability to achieve full sexual arousal, and really isn't that what all parents want for their child? Bree says it's more than that, it's also very hygienic and she won't allow Benjamin to leave a trail of schmegma across her freshly waxed kitchen tile.

To pound his point home, Orson tells the story of how his parents disagreed about circumcision. His mother wanted it done, but his father did not. His mother, Julia Sugarbaker, snuck him to the doctor when he was five when Orson's father went out for a pack of smokes and a breath of fresh sanity. Julia told Orson that they were going for ice cream, but instead of Rocky Road with jimmies, he got his penis mutilated and bled for 6 days. For this reason, he refuses to allow his son to go through that same agony at any age. Bree tries to tactfully change the topic, asking Susan what she brought for dessert. Unfortunately Susan brought ice cream.

After dinner, Bree is carrying the dishes into the kitchen when she catches Mike popping a pill and giving a handjob for smack. He quickly covers and tells Bree, "These are just pain pills from that time your husband tried to kill me. Remember that? Remember when your husband tried to kill me? Whatever happened to that storyline? Good times." He vows that the pills are merely aspirin but when he leaves the room, Bree finds a pill on the floor and sees that it has "Goofballs, highly addictive, may cause boringness, not to be taken orally" stamped on it and knows something is afoot.

Gaby shows up at Victor's boat dressed like Gilligan to find Victor, complimentary dressed like the Skipper, alone. He tells her that he let the crew take the weekend off and thought it would be more romantic and terrifying if they were alone. That way no one could interrupt their lovemaking or hear her scream. Gaby's just turned on to be getting laid on a yacht so she boards the S.S. Scott Peterson carrying the Hefty bags and nylon rope Victor asked her to bring.

Back at the Scavos, Lynette attempts to use psychology on her mom at first by telling her that she can tell that Stella obviously is not happy there and probably wants to get back to her old life now that Lynette's cured and nothing bad can ever happen to her again. Her mom deflects Lynette's attempts, saying that she's very content living with her daughter and likes having the children around to keep her active and throw rocks at. Lynette finally comes clean and tells her mom that it's time for her to leave since her stepdaughter is impressionable and after seeing her grandma bring home a stranger is starting to get ideas. They're working really hard to raise that girl right and they want to keep her off the stripper pole as long as possible.

Living Times? Yea, enjoy it while you can old woman. That subscription will be changing real soon.

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Posted in Desperate Housewives by FozzieBare at 6:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: juddfan on Nov 20, 2007 01:00 PM.