We begin this week with Mary Alice telling us that.....wait a minute. Mary Alice is dead! That's a dead woman talking!! She's a g...g...g...ghost! Zoinks!

Anyway, we're told that Lynette has always been able to tell when Tom is lying by his high voice, or odd word choice and she's hoping that she can use those tells to her advantage. She needs to know if Tom burned down Rick's restaurant and where the hell he was when she wanted him to come play with her hot new straw hair last night. Lynette can't decipher if he's telling the truth about his whereabouts when Rick's place caught on fire so she encourages him to have an alibi. Tom sees through her distrust and reassures Lynette that he had absolutely nothing to do with the fire.

"That's funny. Tom never commits random acts of arson at home."

Mary Alice continues to tell us, from beyond the freakin' grave, that everyone is a rule breaker in one way or another. One such instance is the policeman, played by Mr. Brady himself, Gary Cole, who pulls over Dylan and tells her that she did not slow down when passing a construction zone. By the way Gary Cole ominously eyes Dylan's picture while memorizing her address we can safely assume that there was indeed no construction zone and that Mr. Brady has moved on from committing simple polygamy to being a creepy stalker. We're assured that this is true when Gary Cole gets in his police cruiser and sits next to the newspaper society page with Dylan and Katherine's photo circled in red.

"Respect my authotiai!"

Back at Susan's place, Bree is busy packing up her life, Pinesol, rubbers and such, while Susan tries to convince her to stay longer. Bree is determined to go back to her own home where there are actual mirrors and where candlelight isn't the norm. Susan begins to ooze a salty discharge from the general area where her eyes used to be, which makes Bree immediately uncomfortable. Bree tells Susan that she shouldn't be so raw and hideous with her emotions, rather she should push them deep down into the pit of her stomach and then put white wine on top of them. Susan agrees to try Bree's method despite the spawn hormones that are raging through her.

"And then Enis went to the closet and found Jack's blood stained shirt was there."

Across the street, Carlos' seeing eye dog arrives to become another hairy member of the family. Gaby is thrilled to have some help with Carlos but wants to learn the command to say so that the dog will fetch Carlos the remote or bring him a beer or polish him off when she's had enough and just wants to sleep already. The dog trainer tells Gaby that Roxy isn't that kind of full service dog, instead she is only there to help Carlos get from point A to point B. Gaby tries to insist that polishing off Carlos during their monthly sex nights is a little like that, but fails before storming off on her Latina juff.

"No, it's pronounced 'Ay-Zhun.' There are only about a billion of us. You've really never met one?"

Mike is finally home from rehab, clean of the junk and now hooked on caffeine. Susan is making a celebratory dinner for his return but breaks down and cries over her potatoes before running off to find liquor, leaving Julie and Mike alone in the kitchen. With Susan out of the room Julie takes the opportunity to mention the odd thing that Orson said when he was sleepwalking. Not the thing about finding Rumer Willis attractive, but the part about apologizing for running over Mike with his car. Julie and Mike both agree that his were merely the nocturnal emissions of an insane sex addict since Orson didn't even know Mike when that happened. Julie leaves but Mike begins to wonder, "did I really save a ton of money by switching to Geiko?"

"O dear, I think I pooped myself again."

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Posted in Desperate Housewives by FozzieBare at 5:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: juddfan on May 5, 2008 02:24 PM.