Starting off on the big shock of last year (Alma's alivvvve!), we get an inside glimpse into the marriage of Alma & Orson Hodge. It seems that Alma used the oldest trick in the book to get Orson to marry her: Accidental Pregnancy. Ahh yes. It's how Eve snagged Adam, after all. It was too late for Orson to fly the coup when Alma miscarried, even though he never loved his wife. This, of course, led him to resent her. But you know who did love her? Orson's psycho mom Grandma Sugarbaker, that's who! Anyone think that it was weird that Grandma S., was standing right next to Alma on the altar when she married Orson? Man, the evidence for Orson's affliction of the Crazies being justifiable just keeps mounting. Pretty soon, he'll have as good an insanity defense in the Mike's attempted vehicular manslaughter as the DA in that Duke case. Oh wait. God, so much has changed already in 2007! Alma discovers that Orson was having an affair with the ubiquitous Monique and is devestated. Seriously, this bitch is everywhere. She's like the Gwen Stefani of Wisteria Lane. And NO, that is NOT a compliment (hearing that Wind It Up song is like an abortion for the eardrums). Alma decides that the only way to get Orson to appreciate her is to runaway/fake her own death. Hmm... with all the Orson OCD about his cabinet's being stocked a certain way and Alma's disappearance, it seems to me that at least one of the writer's of this show has been watching their copy of Sleeping With The Enemy. And who could blame them? Any movie that sets a Julia Roberts montage to Brown Eyed Girl in complete seriousness is, by definition, art. So that scene we caught at the beginning of the season wasn't Orson about to kill Alma as he found out she was leaving him, it was him telling her that it was a great idea for her to leave. Ouch.

Alma, finally makes her big debut to Bree, who promptly faints at Alma's introduction. Yawn. Yeah, maybe I'm splitting heirs here, but shouldn't this particular piece of "physical comedy"- the faint due to shock - take it's buddies "Overbearing Mother" and "I have something extremely important to tell you/So do I!/You Go First" and just pack it in? Regardless, it seems as though, Alma wanted people to think that Orson killed her, because, you know, he "hurt her very badly." That reminds me that Danny Lee stole my blocks in Kindergarten, let me make sure that I send some hair fibers and blood stained shirts to his house and anonymously tip-off the police.

Say what I will about Bree and her face made of silly putty (thank you oh wise Stewie Griffin for tipping me off on that), no one else on Network Television can give someone a recipe and make it sound like a death threat. Well, no one except Martha Stewart that is. Orson and Bree, tiring of this little reunion, decide that this might be a good idea to send Alma packing. That is until Bree spots Susan across the street, and still reeling from their Mike vs. Orson fight, decides to throw a dinner part to introduce Alma to her friends.