Grandma Sugarbaker has all sorts of health problems, as well as, a fondness for the sauce. Bree's insistence on not letting her eat anything detrimental to her or get her drink on (by the way, all though you can't see it, I'm making the drinky drinky hand motion right now), is really starting to tick both Grandma Sugarbaker and her son, Orson off. Grandma Sugarbaker wants out from Bree's tyrannical rule (if she's open to giving closeted upper-class business men blowjobs in their Mercedes', I'm sure Andrew could give her some pointers on life off Wisteria Lane). Orson loves this idea, although it will be a pricey venture for them to undertake. Whatever the cost is, it's worth it to get rid of his mother. Bree sees the frustrations, although it seems nothing can bother her when she's making a painfully perfect Strawberry Shortcake, but she's not ready to give up on her mother-in-law. After all, it's not like she's one of her kids. If that was the case, Bree would've sent her packing ages ago!
Sadly, the next scene involved Mike Delfino. After recuperating from my mild stroke (I have one every time I see Mike and his HUGE head), I realize that Edie is trying to pay Mike's bills (that wasn't a euphemism), but Mike is more interested in Ernie Shaft Hudson, who is staking out Mike's crib. Ernie Shaft Hudson won't rest until Mike slips up, leading him to the mysterious tool box which, in addition to being the passageway to Rainbowland, may also contain the wrench that killed slutty Monique.
Gabby heads over to Verne's House of Ill-Repute and scoffs at the horrid ordinariness of these 
pre-adolescent girls she has to help mold in to mini-Gabbys. The first lesson is the art of the walk, which as we've learned from many cycles of America's Next Top Model, walking is damn hard. Tara Reid has also proven that, but for wildly different reasons. This, quite sadly leads to what I can only describe as a walk-off montage of the girls, who are "hilariously" inept at making the catwalk their bitch. I half expect David Bowie to judge the damn thing, and for the chubby blonde girl to win for pulling her Strawberry Shortcake underwear off through her pants a la Zoolander.
The next scene brought a surprise glee to the usually horrid scenes involving Mike, as he answers the door to find Carlos at his doorstep. Carlos is having a bad time of it lately and needs a place to crash (or the writers have him under contract and he needs to remain on Wisteria Lane even though he and Gabby are divorced). Carlos convinces Mike that they used to be best friends, and to let him stay with him. Well played Senor Solis.
For some reason when Lynette comes face to face with Art, she backs down. He is more than fine with the fact that she was running around his home while he wasn't there, but she 
inexplicably backs down from calling him out on his Neverland Ranch basement. That is until Parker comes out calling for Mr. Protector Man (nice to blow his secret identity, dick), and Lynette shows her Mama Bear Teeth, telling Parker to stay back. Parker just wanted to play with Art's Pinball machine again. The jig is up Lynette! Once again, your children were your folly! Lynette still doesn't give him the requisite: "Stay away from my kids" Lifetime mom speech, but Art understands Lynette's implication. However, it must be said that Art looks more offended than "oh crap, she knows I like little boys." Perhaps my misunderstanding theory still holds water?
Bree will at least entertain the thought of buying Grandma Sugarbaker a house, so they are taken by Edie to a "fixer-upper" house in the bad part of town. Both Grandma Sugarbaker and Orson love the charm of the dried blood and discarded crack pipes, but Bree is disgusted. She's also concerned about the liquor store located across the street, where Grandma Sugarbaker can get all the malt liquor her poor, shriveled liver can take. Orson has Bree on the ropes, until Grandma Sugarbaker trips over something in the kitchen, causing Bree to panic and demand that they all return home immediately.
After the girls have melted Gabby's icy heart by being disgustingly "average" she treats them to pizza and ravishes them with stories of her modeling heydays. The girls learn about wild sex parties, smoking as a method for weight loss and, my favorite pre-teen lesson, bulimia! YAYAYAY!
« Daily Digest: November 22, 2006 | Main | Recap: Real World: Welcome to the Mile High Club »
Comments (11)
I missed the ep, so my only comment is that this line
"That is until Parker comes out calling for Mr. Protector Man (nice to blow his secret identity, dick)"
made me laugh out loud.
Oh, and Parker is a pedophile.
1 of 11 | Posted by brilliantmistake
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Posted on November 22, 2006 5:00 PM
hilarious as usual! "save the casserole, save the world"!!!!!
LOL
2 of 11 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on November 22, 2006 7:25 PM
"I would say big whoop, but I guess this is kind of like an American being mistaken for a Canadian. Shudder."
Excuse me, but exactly WHAT is that supposed to mean?
~Georgia~
3 of 11 | Posted by georgiababe
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Posted on November 22, 2006 8:08 PM
....and by Parker, I mean Art.
Crap.
4 of 11 | Posted by brilliantmistake
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Posted on November 22, 2006 8:13 PM
Georgiababe, I think he means that just because someone looks the same and speaks the same language does not mean they are the same and different countries have vastly different cultures.
5 of 11 | Posted by Apple_Candy
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Posted on November 22, 2006 8:33 PM
"Mary Alice that wretched skank"!? HAA! :)
Andrew rocks. I almost died when he said "my grandmother looked at me with tears in her eyes" .. He probably wouldn't be as funny with more air time though..
And Lynette and Susan's scenes this week were pretty painful to watch.. Gabby's were too predictable... I always like Bree's storylines but she didn't get much time this week... This episode felt a lot like season 2 soapyness .. :/
hope next week is better
6 of 11 | Posted by shia0bundan
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Posted on November 22, 2006 10:49 PM
I don't believe the Gaysian is new. I saw him back in seasons 1 and 2.
7 of 11 | Posted by mizta
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Posted on November 23, 2006 9:09 AM
Yeah, I got that. It's the "Shudder" remark that bugged me.
~Georgia~
8 of 11 | Posted by georgiababe
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Posted on November 23, 2006 12:58 PM
'In the words of Mike Myers: "It looks like an orange on a toothpick." Actually, more like an eggplant on a toothpick, but you get my general point.'
even whn you quote others, it's hilarious, thx u Umnata!
9 of 11 | Posted by Tati
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Posted on November 24, 2006 5:51 PM
Yeah, that personal shopper dude (AKA the rather repellent moniker "Gaysian") was definitely in Season 2.
Does anybody else think it's odd how KimberBree had put her M-I-L on a jailhouse diet, yet was carefully filling FOUR parfait glasses with cream? Oh wait -- I just realised it was *only* four and not five... Continuity rules!
10 of 11 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on November 28, 2006 3:19 PM
gotta love those Mrs. McCluskies (sarcasim)!! I have tons of them living around my city neighborhood and one right next to me. The mother(old hen, as I would call her) complains about the leaves in front of my house when in fact her hyprocritical self would sweep her leaves towards my basement tenants in front of me. In fact, unlike myself, she doesn't put them in garbage bags.....ahhhh!!! she's a Nazi there are other things she would do, like rifle through her other neighbor's mailings and bring them in her house...and maybe mines too 0.0 and other appalling deeds ok had to get that off my chest....hmmm maybe the reason I'm not into D.H. too much is because it reminds me of my Mrs. McClusky
11 of 11 | Posted by IrideBlimp
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Posted on November 30, 2006 11:56 PM