After Lynette safely finds Parker with his father over at Mike's, Tom sits Lynette down for a chat about her nutty behavior. Of course, she's worried for the safety of her children, but much like Goldie Hawn in 1988, she's gone overboard. Tom thinks she needs to talk to someone, like a therapist. Lynette agrees that she needs to talk to someone, like a nosy neighbor.
Enter the hottest septuagenarian this side of Ida Greenberg, Mrs. McClusky. Lynette spills her Intel to the Lane busybody, thus starting a McClusky phone chain and, if my suspicions about Lynette's wrongful accusations about Art are correct, a really bad restaging of The Crucible.
Well it took them almost a dozen episodes, but finally Desperate Housewives delivers a cringetastic moment worthy of the crapfest that was Season two. Ian and Susan finally have a heart-to-heart about his difficulties taking a relationship to the next emotional level while his wife is in a coma. Susan accepts this, but wants him to make room in his heart for her, as well as, Comatose Jane. By the way we're supposed to forget about the fact that up until now Ian was crazy, if not, stalker-like, obsessed with Susan. Ian then finally moves some of Jane's things out of a drawer, and gives the drawer to Susan. "If I can find room in my heart for both of you, I can certainly make room in my bureau." Not even Ian's British accent saves that line.
At the Hodge-Podge, Grandma Sugarbaker is MIA for dinner, so Andrew hurries upstairs, followed in close pursuit by his mother and Orson. Of course, Andrew was trying to save his own ass, as he was smuggling his Step-Granny booze in exchange for cash. Hey, it's a lot better than what he used to barter with for money. Andrew gets my favorite line once his dastardly scheme is revealed: "You can kiss that codeine goodbye."
But Grandma Sugarbaker has seen enough, and she finally blows Orson's wad. Eww. The big secret is that Orson had an affair with Monique! No shit. Really? Damn this show! Well, Bree is pisst. I guess there is someone out there who hadn't put that together.
To prove that the gorgeous among us, can be equally deep and shallow, Gabby returns to scene of the tween corruption to talk to the ordinary girls, ever more ordinary mothers. These women immediately hate Gabby because she looks like Eva Longoria, while they look like a before picture on a very special episode of The View. Gabby apologizes but begs forgiveness because helping the girls vomit up their food and hate themselves for their genetic imperfections makes her feel whole. The mothers aren't impressed, but Gabby lays it on pretty thick, by telling them that she envies them for having families and loved ones, while she has just her good looks and money. Please, no one is buying it, not even, I suspect, Eva Longoria. But she wins the mothers over, not by being honest, but by letting them know about a stash of illegal diet pills she can get sent over from Europe.
Meanwhile, Bree's done some long, hard thinking and while she may look a bit tarnished, she thinks it's time to say goodbye to her third husband in as many years. Bree is kicking Orson out of the house because of the affair. No, he didn't cheat on Bree, he cheated on Alma, but Bree's dusted off her old Spice Girls CD collection and realized that Girl Power totally rocks!
As Orson leaves he tells Bree that he loves her, leaving Bree with the parting shot: "I know. But it scares the hell out of me." Hmm... funny if you had just come to this conclusion two weeks ago, Aunt Jackie wouldn't have gone crazy, The Babe would be alive, Lynette wouldn't have gotten shot and life in general on Wisteria Lane would be a lot better. Just something to think on, Bree...
The ep ends all man-hater on us (Rosie... did you have something to do with this too!?!?), with Mary Alice telling us that dangerous men walk among us. As she babbles Mike takes out his toolbox and decides to bury it in the woods. Because the lack of body mass has gone to his brain, Mike forgets that Ernie Shaft Hudson is hot on his tale (or maybe it's the amnesia...), and Mike is arrested for the murder of Whorenique. Dude, if this guy can vanquish Slimer, what chance do you have? Someone pass the Ecto-Cooler!
« Daily Digest: November 22, 2006 | Main | Recap: Real World: Welcome to the Mile High Club »
Comments (11)
I missed the ep, so my only comment is that this line
"That is until Parker comes out calling for Mr. Protector Man (nice to blow his secret identity, dick)"
made me laugh out loud.
Oh, and Parker is a pedophile.
1 of 11 | Posted by brilliantmistake
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Posted on November 22, 2006 5:00 PM
hilarious as usual! "save the casserole, save the world"!!!!!
LOL
2 of 11 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on November 22, 2006 7:25 PM
"I would say big whoop, but I guess this is kind of like an American being mistaken for a Canadian. Shudder."
Excuse me, but exactly WHAT is that supposed to mean?
~Georgia~
3 of 11 | Posted by georgiababe
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Posted on November 22, 2006 8:08 PM
....and by Parker, I mean Art.
Crap.
4 of 11 | Posted by brilliantmistake
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Posted on November 22, 2006 8:13 PM
Georgiababe, I think he means that just because someone looks the same and speaks the same language does not mean they are the same and different countries have vastly different cultures.
5 of 11 | Posted by Apple_Candy
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Posted on November 22, 2006 8:33 PM
"Mary Alice that wretched skank"!? HAA! :)
Andrew rocks. I almost died when he said "my grandmother looked at me with tears in her eyes" .. He probably wouldn't be as funny with more air time though..
And Lynette and Susan's scenes this week were pretty painful to watch.. Gabby's were too predictable... I always like Bree's storylines but she didn't get much time this week... This episode felt a lot like season 2 soapyness .. :/
hope next week is better
6 of 11 | Posted by shia0bundan
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Posted on November 22, 2006 10:49 PM
I don't believe the Gaysian is new. I saw him back in seasons 1 and 2.
7 of 11 | Posted by mizta
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Posted on November 23, 2006 9:09 AM
Yeah, I got that. It's the "Shudder" remark that bugged me.
~Georgia~
8 of 11 | Posted by georgiababe
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Posted on November 23, 2006 12:58 PM
'In the words of Mike Myers: "It looks like an orange on a toothpick." Actually, more like an eggplant on a toothpick, but you get my general point.'
even whn you quote others, it's hilarious, thx u Umnata!
9 of 11 | Posted by Tati
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Posted on November 24, 2006 5:51 PM
Yeah, that personal shopper dude (AKA the rather repellent moniker "Gaysian") was definitely in Season 2.
Does anybody else think it's odd how KimberBree had put her M-I-L on a jailhouse diet, yet was carefully filling FOUR parfait glasses with cream? Oh wait -- I just realised it was *only* four and not five... Continuity rules!
10 of 11 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on November 28, 2006 3:19 PM
gotta love those Mrs. McCluskies (sarcasim)!! I have tons of them living around my city neighborhood and one right next to me. The mother(old hen, as I would call her) complains about the leaves in front of my house when in fact her hyprocritical self would sweep her leaves towards my basement tenants in front of me. In fact, unlike myself, she doesn't put them in garbage bags.....ahhhh!!! she's a Nazi there are other things she would do, like rifle through her other neighbor's mailings and bring them in her house...and maybe mines too 0.0 and other appalling deeds ok had to get that off my chest....hmmm maybe the reason I'm not into D.H. too much is because it reminds me of my Mrs. McClusky
11 of 11 | Posted by IrideBlimp
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Posted on November 30, 2006 11:56 PM