Mike Delfino is getting the whammy put on him by a therapist in hopes that he'll remember what the f-bomb happened on the night of Monique Pollier's death and why the ho had his number on her hand. He remembers vividly the night he visited Monique and her cameltoe. You see, just to hammer the point home that Monique is in fact a ho, the writers have her decked out in little boy undies and a cammie with a flowing silk robe. Oh, she's also drunk and giving new meaning to the term "trying to give it away," as she doesn't everything short of deep throat a cucumber to get Mike's engines purring. Mike respectfully declines, as he is seeing someone (it seems Susan also knows her way around a phallic vegetable). Monique admits that she too is seeing someone, but still quite randy. Mike takes a look at her plumbing (her OTHER plumbing) and notes that he'll need a larger tool (his OTHER tool) to get the job (the OTHER job) done. Upon Mike's return the door to Monique's house of ill repute is ajar. Isn't this some kind of warning sign for anyone? Has anyone, ever in the history of Wisteria Lane or any other television show for that matter, ever entered a house through a slightly open door to find something less than ominous? Earlier this season alone, Lynette stumbled upon her neighbor Art's stash o' kiddie porn by letting herself into his abode. Ignoring any Spidey sense, Mike enters the house, and sees a pair of latex gloved hands crouching under the island in the kitchen. Said hands belong to... WAKE UP TIME MIKE! Mike, for the first time makes this breakthrough, meaning that there was someone else in the house the night Monique died. Mike isn't a killer! Hooray! A Clayface, for sure! But a killer? Nah.

One of my favorite television traditions is watching writers try to deal with the unexpected, yet painfully obvious pregnancies of their stars. Sometimes, they write the pregnancy into the
show. This tactic is currently being put on display to brilliant use on My Name Is Earl - where Joy is going to carry the baby of her sworn enemy, who it turns out, is really her half-black, half-sister, who can't get pregnant because she wants to pursue a career in B.L.O.W. (Black Ladies of Wrestling). The tactic is also being used on Studio 60, but the less said about that show, the better. Other times, the writers will simply ignore the pregnancy and supply the actress with a series of large pillows to lie across their baby bulge. This to me is hilarious, because in instances like this, where Marcia Cross looks about ready to give birth to a litter of puppies, the lack of acknowledgement of the new zaftig figure is so obvious, it needs to be addressed. Maybe she's been stressed out because of all the scheming going on, and she's been eating those feelings with fresh baked pomegranate muffins and key lime tart squares. Anyway, Bree is pleading with Orson to go to the police and charge Alma with rape. Orson bounces back from the revelation he was raped, pretty quickly, and refuses to go to the police. He channels his buddy Dennis Hopper from Blue Velvet and ominously tells Bree that it's time he told her about the night Monique died.

In a nice moment, reminiscent of season 1, Susan is comparing dresses to wear to Ian's wife Jane's funeral, with the help of suddenly precocious again daughter, Julie. The dresses range from slutty to sluttier, which isn't surprising considering who we're dealing with here. What is surprising is that there is still no mention of Julie's "broken heart" after cashing in her V-Card to Austin, only to find out that he was cheating on her with Danielle "Sloth" Van De Camp.

« Recap: The Real World: Love, Love Will Keep Us Together | | Recap: Lost: You Can't Go Hume Again »

Posted in Desperate Housewives by Umnata at 12:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Last Comment: georgiababe on Mar 3, 2007 04:40 PM.

Comments (10)

abaumga2 :

Grandma locking Alma in the attic was a little too Season 2-ish for my tastes.

1 of 10 | Posted by abaumga2 | Posted on February 15, 2007 1:13 PM

jasminetheawesome :

I feel like the writers on this show use a magic eight ball. At this point, there's just too much unresolved conflict. There are more storylines on this show than stitches in Teri Hatchface's hairline.

2 of 10 | Posted by jasminetheawesome | Posted on February 15, 2007 1:35 PM

Flipit :

Hilarious recap! Thanks! The first arc of this season had me believing the show was back on track, but this second arc is supremely retarded. Aaaarrrgh.

3 of 10 | Posted by Flipit | Posted on February 15, 2007 5:37 PM

Flipit :

Hilarious recap! Thanks! The first arc of this season had me believing the show was back on track, but this second arc is supremely retarded. Aaaarrrgh.

4 of 10 | Posted by Flipit | Posted on February 15, 2007 5:40 PM

Tony A. :

The show is nothing more than a chain of loosely connected events and I believe the writers have deliberately abandoned all pretense at reality in order to amuse us one hour at a time. I'm sure sorry to see Zach reappear, especially with such a lame arc. I hated the kid when he was poor and torn and hate his whiney evil ass all the more now.

Longoria better hang on to Tony Parker's NBA millions. I don't see her career getting any better than Anna Nicole Smith's. Oops.

I won't miss this show when it's gone. I didn't make it to the end of this ep and fast-forwarded it most of the way. Felicity better get the hell out before any pretense at serious acting is gone forever.

The "rape" is a preposterous premise. There is NO way a man will achieve an erection after being knocked out using any of the ED drugs available. And an orgasm? Fuggedaboutit!

In conclusion, the only good thing about the episode is your recap.

5 of 10 | Posted by Tony A. | Posted on February 16, 2007 7:50 AM

Donna Martin Graduates! :

Thanks for the recap.

This ep was equal parts intriguing and infuriating. Those Susan scenes - painful. The Gabi scenes -- utterly predictable. GayMatt getting his balls back? Priceless.

But the dialogue was really spiky and fabulous. Don't forget the line "You don't wanna see Bad Andrew."

Right now the best thing in this series just fell off a parking building... grrrrrr

Of course his Mum killed Mo-nique; Agent Cooper was just doing clean up.

6 of 10 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on February 17, 2007 11:41 AM

couchpotato :

My flipping dvr cut off, whats with this show going over the scheduled air time! Anyway I kinda figured out what happened in the last minute after reading your recap - thanks.

7 of 10 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on February 17, 2007 12:37 PM

sweetjane :

oh umnata- a "my girl" reference?! you have struck gold as far as i am concerned.

8 of 10 | Posted by sweetjane | Posted on February 21, 2007 8:00 AM

Glenn :

Hey, where's the new recap?

9 of 10 | Posted by Glenn | Posted on March 1, 2007 9:44 AM

georgiababe :

My thoughts exactly Glenn. I mean, I know that you have a life, but the new episode comes out tomorrow and it's been two weeks!

~Georgia~

10 of 10 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on March 3, 2007 4:40 PM

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