At Gabby's new project, she and her Gaysian are checking out there pre-teen beauty pageant prospects, which are looking pretty grim. Gabby is really only interest in Pretty Girl (a better recapper would've caught her name; a better recapper I am not), however, Pretty Girl's best friend is Awkward Girl, who they need to cut lose.
Bree is feeling the spirit of forgiveness. Or stupidity, I can't remember. Either way, she informs Grandma Sugarbaker (who is inexplicably still living with her, even though, she kicked Orson out), that she is considering taking Orson back. Bree realizes that it might not be a good choice, but she can't help it she loves her bad boys. Besides good choices said bye bye to Bree around the same time as feeling left her forehead. Seriously, looking at that thing. It never moves!
Lynette is in her car, when she gets a tap-tap-tap on the trunk, from Tiny Timette. She's apparently, very angry with Lynette for accusing her brother, Art, of being a Pedophile. Some people are SOOOO overprotective! This is where Lynette's guilty conscience begins, which I 
don't understand completely. Lynette feebly defends her decision to warn the town about Art, because if something happened to someone's kid, she wouldn't be able to live with herself, which I completely agree with. Yet, Tiny Timette brings up the point that her brother is a swimming coach, and he's proud of his swimmers, and that's why he has their pictures posted on his walls. She says that if Lynette would turn that pride into something as ugly and disturbing as pedophilia, then there is something truly wrong with her. And yet, I find myself completely agreeing with Tiny Timette! Who knew this show could incite so many complex emotions. Usually it is just disdain, and deeper disdain.
Bree and Susan have a little girl talk over Gingerbread Houses, with Susan asking Bree if she'll cook the meal that Susan is "making" for Ian's parents. Bree says yes, since she could use the distraction and because she has vowed ever since Crazy Pharmacist guy, that whenever possible, she will try to help prevent a murder. And we all know that Susan's food KILLS! Jokes about people who can't cook are so rarel funny. In other news, Bree tells Susan about kicking Dr. Giggles out.
Over at the Dude Ranch, Carlos is trying to enjoy some breakfast while Edie is berating Mike for stupidly burying his tool box last week. Edie really wanted to use his wrench, if you know what I mean. Basically, to stop Edie from screeching, Ernie Shaft Hudson shows up and arrests Mike for the murder of Monique the Whore.
Gabby and Verne head over to meet with Awkward Girl's father to tell him his girl is getting dropped for having the worst handicap possible: Ugliness. Gabby couldn't care less that the 
girl's mother just died, sh'es got to go. What she does care about is the fact that Awkward Girl's dad is what the foreign princess AC Slater dated while working as a lifeguard at the Malibu Sands might call a real American beefcake. Hmm, her dead mother must've been one big uggo. This of course leads to Gabby finagling her way into teaching Awkward Girl private lessons instead of dropping her from the Beauty Pageant.
Now reason 5,343 why I love Edie and her ball sack. She heads to the holding cell where Mike is being kept, and breaks up with him. She hasn't been "in" this relationship and needs to end it. Timing's a bitch, huh?
Enter Susan, who, shockingly, has the opposite reaction to Mike's plight. She is sympathetic, and if I'm not mistaken, a little aroused by his prison jumpsuit. She's going to do whatever she can to help him.
At Awkward Girl's house, Gabby is putting the moves on Hottie Dad, while pretending to coach his daughter on the art of baton twirling. However, I find it's hard to train someone in anything, if they are outside working away, and you are inside giving their father a hand job. Unfortunately, I have lots of experience in this arena, since I was once a street whore crack addict. TVgasm literally saved my life.
Susan goes home to tell Ian about her meeting with Mike. Ian, planting the seeds of their inevitable break-up, is green with jealousy. Susan claims Mike's just a friend, but Ian is British, not stupid, so he's not buying what SkeleHatcher is selling. Unless she is selling tea and crumpets in which case he's way on board.
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Comments (25)
Niiiiiice Saved By the Bell reference. I miss The Babe.
1 of 25 | Posted by criscogirl
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Posted on December 1, 2006 4:40 PM
I'm curious to see what Monique looked like. And maybe Art was just messing with Lynette's mind? But I doubt it for some reason..
2 of 25 | Posted by LagunaBeached
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Posted on December 1, 2006 5:18 PM
Umnata, while I appreciate the effort to make a SBTB reference, you messed up somewhat.
When Slater and company were working at the Malibu Sands, Albert Clifford did not have a girlfriend. However, he did save a girl named Cynthia (played by Denise Richards), who asked him to the club's dance at the end of the summer.
AC met up with Christina the princess when he and the gang were in Palm Springs for Jessie's father's wedding.
As for Desperate Housewives, I still thought it was kinda lame to make Lynette doubt her initial suspicions about Art. C'mon, any guy with pictures of shirtless boys is a pedophile. No exceptions.
Anyone else think Grandma Sugarbaker and Alma killed Monique and pinned it on Mike? That's my theory, at least.
3 of 25 | Posted by WhosYourPapi
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Posted on December 1, 2006 5:50 PM
KimberBree is a Stepford wife. Of course her brow never budges!
"Susan's food KILLS!" hahaha!
I am reluctantly beginning to agree with your assessment of Gabby's dastardly character (tho her acting chops are still tops in my book). Complete absence of moral compass indeed.
Papi -- that's a good theory that hadn't even occurred to me. Well, I wasn't speculating about it, either.
U, your recap was funny enough to gloss over the multitudinous typos. Thanks heaps for the larfs!
4 of 25 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on December 1, 2006 5:59 PM
Yeah I thought they killed Monique too.
5 of 25 | Posted by LagunaBeached
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Posted on December 1, 2006 6:01 PM
That last scene with Art truly was terrifying. I was actually pressing back into my couch because I wanted to get away from him so badly. It was an awesome scene.
And a very hilarious recap! Had me giggling the whole way through!
6 of 25 | Posted by The Red Bean
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Posted on December 1, 2006 6:58 PM
I agree with the whole Alma/Grandma killed Monique story, but I have a couple of questions about it:
1) How do they know Mike? If Bree didn't know about Carolyn Bigsby or Alma's disappearance, how would they know who Mike is? Unless, of course, he has ties from a long time ago.
2) Why wouldn't they pin it on Orson? Isn't that logical, since he cheated on Alma and his mother seems to hate him?
3) I forget, but where does Mike know Monique from? I don't remember whether they'd explained it yet or not.
I guess those questions will probably be answered in the episodes to come, but I think that they need to be answered, if we are to believe that Alma/Grandma killed Monique.
Nice recap, by the way!
~Georgia~
7 of 25 | Posted by georgiababe
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Posted on December 1, 2006 10:24 PM
Great Recap!
I wish you would have mentioned the obviously Photoshopped photo of Granny Sugarbaker and Orson that Susan found. I understand they have to use Photoshop but couldn't that have found a picture of Dixie Carter that wasn't quite so obviously a publicity still from "Designing Women?" I mean they might as well have put Kyle McLachlin's head on Delta Burke's body.
8 of 25 | Posted by fozziebare13
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Posted on December 2, 2006 8:58 AM
Great Recap!
I wish you would have mentioned the obviously Photoshopped photo of Granny Sugarbaker and Orson that Susan found. I understand they have to use Photoshop but couldn't that have found a picture of Dixie Carter that wasn't quite so obviously a publicity still from "Designing Women?" I mean they might as well have put Kyle McLachlin's head on Delta Burke's body.
9 of 25 | Posted by fozziebare13
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Posted on December 2, 2006 8:59 AM
You're right Umnata, Gabi's character is just thoroughly unlikeable... I can't really bring myself to care when good/bad things happen to her.
Anyways.. I don't really side with Lynette... she might have ended up right about Art, but the ends don't justify the means. She went about it in the typical annoying stay-at-home mom type of way...basically blurting out suspicions to all the other dumbass fat moms.. you'd think someone who works in corporate advertising would have knowledge of tact.
10 of 25 | Posted by shia0bundan
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Posted on December 2, 2006 11:19 AM
^ Right!!
11 of 25 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on December 2, 2006 12:16 PM
The Art character could just be faking his 'urges' in order to extract revenge on Lynette.
There's two options: make the accuser feel bad because of pity, or make them feel bad because of dread.
12 of 25 | Posted by zoopy
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Posted on December 2, 2006 12:30 PM
As this episode went along, I started to think to myself "Gee, maybe Umnata is right and I'm wrong about Art being a pedophile."
Then Art confesses to being a pedophile, and I was happy to be right, then immediately felt bad that I had just spent the better part of an hour hoping that someone (even a fictional character) would turn out to be a pedophile. Another withdrawl from the karma bank.
(But I was right)
I also noticed the photo from Designing Women. I think it might even be from the opening credits. I couldn't decide if the producers just did it for a laugh, or if they told an intern young enough to not remember the show to mock up a photo, so they grabbed what they though was a random photo from the internet.
13 of 25 | Posted by brilliantmistake
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Posted on December 3, 2006 6:14 PM
great recap i am still giggling.
i read in ew that marc cherry's first job in la was working as dixie carter's assistant, so i think the obvious photoshopped pic is an homage to the good old days.
grandma sugarbaker being in cahoots with alma is kind of a retarded turn of events. very season two. and they were doing so great!
damn i miss aunt jackie and the babe!
14 of 25 | Posted by quince
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Posted on December 3, 2006 8:54 PM
great recap i am still giggling.
i read in ew that marc cherry's first job in la was working as dixie carter's assistant, so i think the obvious photoshopped pic is an homage to the good old days.
grandma sugarbaker being in cahoots with alma is kind of a retarded turn of events. very season two. and they were doing so great!
damn i miss aunt jackie and the babe!
15 of 25 | Posted by quince
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Posted on December 3, 2006 8:56 PM
and in the saved by the bell reference, the princess called ac a real american cheesecake. not beefcake.
16 of 25 | Posted by sweetjane
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Posted on December 4, 2006 6:54 AM
i am NEVER quoting (or misquoting) Saved By The Bell again! and it seemed like such a good idea at time..
17 of 25 | Posted by umnata
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Posted on December 4, 2006 8:22 AM
Umnata, a Saved by the Bell reference is always hilarious. Your recaps are great, keep up the good work!
18 of 25 | Posted by dmbislove
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Posted on December 5, 2006 7:45 AM
Why does the name "Sugarbaker" sound SOOOO familiar?
19 of 25 | Posted by twnpeeks
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Posted on December 5, 2006 10:38 AM
That was Dixie Carter's character's business in Designing Women...
20 of 25 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on December 8, 2006 10:55 AM
All right, what's going on with TypeKey? It never knows whether I'm signed on or not...I also hate that you've removed the "All Pages" choice.
After several weeks of cogent, sequentially correct episodes, it appears that DH has slid back to last season when no one knew just WTF was going on. The plots are getting mixed up, hazy and awfully confusing. We need a whiz-bang episode where Gabby tries to muscle in on Bree's Orson and then either Orson or Bree kills her, automatically creating goodwill among fans by eliminating Eva and causing the breakup of what has to be the dumbest marriage on TV. Susan and Mike would actually win that if they were married, though.
The Art part (hey, I like the sound of that)was chilling. It truly shocked me and I liked it because on the one hand it made Lynette react and it exposed Art's real persona.
In all, I was giving this season a B- for entertainment value, but this E episode has brought the average down.
21 of 25 | Posted by Tony A.
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Posted on December 11, 2006 10:40 AM
Yes, I agree that Art is not necessarily a pedophile - I think that he just said the perfect thing to hit Lynette where she lives and make her hurt as much as he did - she did, after all help kill his sister. Now Lynette feels hideous.
I am also sure that the photo of Julia Sugarbaker, as opposed to "orson's mother" was an homage from Marc Cherry's old days
22 of 25 | Posted by Lestat1966
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Posted on December 24, 2006 8:48 PM
Yo Umnata, are you still writing these blogs? PLEASE keep writing them! I need my fix! I just reread this one and laughed my ass off.
23 of 25 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on January 13, 2007 1:09 AM
^^^^yea, what Flipit said! I forget there was a new eppy last week so I only caught the last 10 mins. or so. Been checking daily for your recaps, miss them... :-*(
24 of 25 | Posted by Tati
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Posted on January 13, 2007 8:11 PM
Hey All -
Last week's recap is all set to go, I'm just waiting for B-Side to have some time to post it. I'll have this week's up by mid-week.
25 of 25 | Posted by umnata
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Posted on January 14, 2007 3:16 PM