At the long gestating Poker party at Bree's house, the girls are trying to enjoy a nice game of cards, when Susan and Bree start to get into it, defending their respective boyfriends. Bree is ready to take Orson back, because with Mike behind bars, it is obvious that Orson didn't kill Monique and that he is totally a stand-up guy. Err, did we forget that he cheated on his wife, and lied to you about it? Susan, naturally, defends Mike's honor. This is all while Gabby and Lynette are trying to sway the conversation on to more pleasant topics: "Anyone have a yeast infection?" Gabby wonders.
Bree cites the blood on the wrench and Mike's criminal past; Susan plays the "Monique's teeth were pulled and Orson is a crazy dentist" card - which is a little used, but wonderfully effective card to play. I used it myself yesterday when my mom wanted me to pick her up from work. It confused her into submission. Score One - Umnata. Susan leaves the table, and Bree refuses to cook Ian's parents' dinner. Very mature ladies. When they think Susan has left, she actually stays behind and Veronica Marses around the house for "a necklace made of teeth" but finds the keys to Orson's office (where he is staying) instead.
Lynette, meanwhile, heads over to a Simpsons mob rehearsal, as the mommies of Wisteria Lane and its surrounding neighborhoods are getting ready for a protest in front of Art's house. . My issue here isn't that these women are being pro-active in there uniform revulsion of what Lynette is claiming Art is, it's more that I'm annoyed by Lynette's response to the other mothers' response to her news. What did she think was going to happen? I mean, she just seems so shocked that these women are being so fierce in protecting their own children, just as Lynette was last week, when she all but kicked down Art's door looking for Parker (which we know she could - R.I.P. - The Babe and R.I.P. The Babe's door). Sure, she's probably starting to have some "doubts" about her accusations of Art - you know, since there wasn't any "proof" - but again, I ask, what did she think was going to happen when you scream Pedophile in a crowd of mothers. It's like screaming "Free Booze" at Danny DeVito. Thisngs are going to get messy and instead of vomitting on Elisabeth Hassleback, these ladies are attacking the Pedophile in town. Granted these ladies are a little over the top - I mean, I was waiting for someone to get all Crucible on our asses. "I saw Goody Proctor with a little boy!!!" But there reaction isn't all that surprising.
Susan has headed over to Orson's office looking for evidence against him. This search and convict mission is cut short, however, by Orson entering his office, and Susan hiding in a closet. Sniff, sniff. I smell antics. No such luck, however. As Susan is hiding, Bree comes in and she gets a whole new sob story to lap up from her husband: He never loved Alma, he was pushed into the marriage by his mother, Bree and Monique were the only women he ever loved, blah, blah, blah. Well, good enough for Bree! Let's go home and make some Wasp love! At the very same time, Susan, has found a box labeled: "Orson's dastardly plots" in which she discovers - gasp! - that Orson was a good student in school! Oh, and he was also once committed to a mental institution.
Meanwhile, Gabby is informed that Awkward Girl, daughter of Hottie Dad (keep up people!), is well aware of Gabby's intentions towards her father. But Awkward Girl wants nothing to do with it. As luck would have it, Awkward Girl and Pretty Girl are total BFFs, and both have single parents. It's Awkward Girl's plan to have her Hottie Dad marry Pretty Girl's Single Mom, so they can be sister for realz. Tricky plan, Awkward Girl. Thank goodness you've got the brains, since you don't have the looks. However, in many ways Gabby is the complete package: looks, brains and no moral compass. She sets a plan in motion to turn Awkward Girl and Pretty Girl against one another, and since they are like 11 it works like a charm. Congratulations Gabby, you have broken up two tween best friends all in the name of cock. I can't tell if the writers want me to like Gabby in spite of the fact that she does these sorts of things, or because she does these sorts of things. Either way, it's not working.
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Comments (25)
Niiiiiice Saved By the Bell reference. I miss The Babe.
1 of 25 | Posted by criscogirl
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Posted on December 1, 2006 4:40 PM
I'm curious to see what Monique looked like. And maybe Art was just messing with Lynette's mind? But I doubt it for some reason..
2 of 25 | Posted by LagunaBeached
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Posted on December 1, 2006 5:18 PM
Umnata, while I appreciate the effort to make a SBTB reference, you messed up somewhat.
When Slater and company were working at the Malibu Sands, Albert Clifford did not have a girlfriend. However, he did save a girl named Cynthia (played by Denise Richards), who asked him to the club's dance at the end of the summer.
AC met up with Christina the princess when he and the gang were in Palm Springs for Jessie's father's wedding.
As for Desperate Housewives, I still thought it was kinda lame to make Lynette doubt her initial suspicions about Art. C'mon, any guy with pictures of shirtless boys is a pedophile. No exceptions.
Anyone else think Grandma Sugarbaker and Alma killed Monique and pinned it on Mike? That's my theory, at least.
3 of 25 | Posted by WhosYourPapi
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Posted on December 1, 2006 5:50 PM
KimberBree is a Stepford wife. Of course her brow never budges!
"Susan's food KILLS!" hahaha!
I am reluctantly beginning to agree with your assessment of Gabby's dastardly character (tho her acting chops are still tops in my book). Complete absence of moral compass indeed.
Papi -- that's a good theory that hadn't even occurred to me. Well, I wasn't speculating about it, either.
U, your recap was funny enough to gloss over the multitudinous typos. Thanks heaps for the larfs!
4 of 25 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on December 1, 2006 5:59 PM
Yeah I thought they killed Monique too.
5 of 25 | Posted by LagunaBeached
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Posted on December 1, 2006 6:01 PM
That last scene with Art truly was terrifying. I was actually pressing back into my couch because I wanted to get away from him so badly. It was an awesome scene.
And a very hilarious recap! Had me giggling the whole way through!
6 of 25 | Posted by The Red Bean
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Posted on December 1, 2006 6:58 PM
I agree with the whole Alma/Grandma killed Monique story, but I have a couple of questions about it:
1) How do they know Mike? If Bree didn't know about Carolyn Bigsby or Alma's disappearance, how would they know who Mike is? Unless, of course, he has ties from a long time ago.
2) Why wouldn't they pin it on Orson? Isn't that logical, since he cheated on Alma and his mother seems to hate him?
3) I forget, but where does Mike know Monique from? I don't remember whether they'd explained it yet or not.
I guess those questions will probably be answered in the episodes to come, but I think that they need to be answered, if we are to believe that Alma/Grandma killed Monique.
Nice recap, by the way!
~Georgia~
7 of 25 | Posted by georgiababe
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Posted on December 1, 2006 10:24 PM
Great Recap!
I wish you would have mentioned the obviously Photoshopped photo of Granny Sugarbaker and Orson that Susan found. I understand they have to use Photoshop but couldn't that have found a picture of Dixie Carter that wasn't quite so obviously a publicity still from "Designing Women?" I mean they might as well have put Kyle McLachlin's head on Delta Burke's body.
8 of 25 | Posted by fozziebare13
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Posted on December 2, 2006 8:58 AM
Great Recap!
I wish you would have mentioned the obviously Photoshopped photo of Granny Sugarbaker and Orson that Susan found. I understand they have to use Photoshop but couldn't that have found a picture of Dixie Carter that wasn't quite so obviously a publicity still from "Designing Women?" I mean they might as well have put Kyle McLachlin's head on Delta Burke's body.
9 of 25 | Posted by fozziebare13
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Posted on December 2, 2006 8:59 AM
You're right Umnata, Gabi's character is just thoroughly unlikeable... I can't really bring myself to care when good/bad things happen to her.
Anyways.. I don't really side with Lynette... she might have ended up right about Art, but the ends don't justify the means. She went about it in the typical annoying stay-at-home mom type of way...basically blurting out suspicions to all the other dumbass fat moms.. you'd think someone who works in corporate advertising would have knowledge of tact.
10 of 25 | Posted by shia0bundan
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Posted on December 2, 2006 11:19 AM
^ Right!!
11 of 25 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on December 2, 2006 12:16 PM
The Art character could just be faking his 'urges' in order to extract revenge on Lynette.
There's two options: make the accuser feel bad because of pity, or make them feel bad because of dread.
12 of 25 | Posted by zoopy
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Posted on December 2, 2006 12:30 PM
As this episode went along, I started to think to myself "Gee, maybe Umnata is right and I'm wrong about Art being a pedophile."
Then Art confesses to being a pedophile, and I was happy to be right, then immediately felt bad that I had just spent the better part of an hour hoping that someone (even a fictional character) would turn out to be a pedophile. Another withdrawl from the karma bank.
(But I was right)
I also noticed the photo from Designing Women. I think it might even be from the opening credits. I couldn't decide if the producers just did it for a laugh, or if they told an intern young enough to not remember the show to mock up a photo, so they grabbed what they though was a random photo from the internet.
13 of 25 | Posted by brilliantmistake
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Posted on December 3, 2006 6:14 PM
great recap i am still giggling.
i read in ew that marc cherry's first job in la was working as dixie carter's assistant, so i think the obvious photoshopped pic is an homage to the good old days.
grandma sugarbaker being in cahoots with alma is kind of a retarded turn of events. very season two. and they were doing so great!
damn i miss aunt jackie and the babe!
14 of 25 | Posted by quince
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Posted on December 3, 2006 8:54 PM
great recap i am still giggling.
i read in ew that marc cherry's first job in la was working as dixie carter's assistant, so i think the obvious photoshopped pic is an homage to the good old days.
grandma sugarbaker being in cahoots with alma is kind of a retarded turn of events. very season two. and they were doing so great!
damn i miss aunt jackie and the babe!
15 of 25 | Posted by quince
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Posted on December 3, 2006 8:56 PM
and in the saved by the bell reference, the princess called ac a real american cheesecake. not beefcake.
16 of 25 | Posted by sweetjane
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Posted on December 4, 2006 6:54 AM
i am NEVER quoting (or misquoting) Saved By The Bell again! and it seemed like such a good idea at time..
17 of 25 | Posted by umnata
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Posted on December 4, 2006 8:22 AM
Umnata, a Saved by the Bell reference is always hilarious. Your recaps are great, keep up the good work!
18 of 25 | Posted by dmbislove
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Posted on December 5, 2006 7:45 AM
Why does the name "Sugarbaker" sound SOOOO familiar?
19 of 25 | Posted by twnpeeks
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Posted on December 5, 2006 10:38 AM
That was Dixie Carter's character's business in Designing Women...
20 of 25 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on December 8, 2006 10:55 AM
All right, what's going on with TypeKey? It never knows whether I'm signed on or not...I also hate that you've removed the "All Pages" choice.
After several weeks of cogent, sequentially correct episodes, it appears that DH has slid back to last season when no one knew just WTF was going on. The plots are getting mixed up, hazy and awfully confusing. We need a whiz-bang episode where Gabby tries to muscle in on Bree's Orson and then either Orson or Bree kills her, automatically creating goodwill among fans by eliminating Eva and causing the breakup of what has to be the dumbest marriage on TV. Susan and Mike would actually win that if they were married, though.
The Art part (hey, I like the sound of that)was chilling. It truly shocked me and I liked it because on the one hand it made Lynette react and it exposed Art's real persona.
In all, I was giving this season a B- for entertainment value, but this E episode has brought the average down.
21 of 25 | Posted by Tony A.
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Posted on December 11, 2006 10:40 AM
Yes, I agree that Art is not necessarily a pedophile - I think that he just said the perfect thing to hit Lynette where she lives and make her hurt as much as he did - she did, after all help kill his sister. Now Lynette feels hideous.
I am also sure that the photo of Julia Sugarbaker, as opposed to "orson's mother" was an homage from Marc Cherry's old days
22 of 25 | Posted by Lestat1966
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Posted on December 24, 2006 8:48 PM
Yo Umnata, are you still writing these blogs? PLEASE keep writing them! I need my fix! I just reread this one and laughed my ass off.
23 of 25 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on January 13, 2007 1:09 AM
^^^^yea, what Flipit said! I forget there was a new eppy last week so I only caught the last 10 mins. or so. Been checking daily for your recaps, miss them... :-*(
24 of 25 | Posted by Tati
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Posted on January 13, 2007 8:11 PM
Hey All -
Last week's recap is all set to go, I'm just waiting for B-Side to have some time to post it. I'll have this week's up by mid-week.
25 of 25 | Posted by umnata
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Posted on January 14, 2007 3:16 PM