This leads Susan to confront Edie about the unnatural pairing. Edie, as usual when it comes to her confrontations with Susan, ends up looking like the sane rational man, woman, I mean woman, in the argument. Susan, wants Austin to stay away from Julie, considering everything from attack dogs to building a moat to inviting her mother to stay with her (if Leslie Ann Warren doesn't 
keep people away from Susan's house, I don't know what will) in order to keep the kids apart, but Edie offers the more rational choice of letting it run its course. Edie's right when she suggests that trying to keep the two horned up teenagers apart will only drive them closer together. It's just like me and Scarlett Johansson - the harder her lawyers try to keep us apart the more aggressively I stalk. But Susan is beyond logic (shocker, I know), suggesting that if things continue to progress like this Julie could end up giving Austin her carnal treasure. Edie laughs at this, since she has a box of condoms in her house, and she can only account for the few she and Mike have used. Could it be? Did Julie do the nasty with the Bad Boy of Wisteria Lane? Edie gets a good parting shot in by saying that she knows that if two people are meant to be, then they will be together no matter what. Enter Mike on the porch.
Lynette needs to go to the dreaded grocery store but Parker is freaking out. I've started to create a nickname for Parker, but I think it is somewhat inappropriate for a 7 year old so let's go with Parker the Wussy. He clings to his mother's leg, begging her not go. He sends Mrs. McClusky instead, because if anything happens to her no one will care. Well, almost no one. My heart. My soul. My everything.
In what is presumably New York, Gabby is getting ready for her photo shoot where she is trying to befriend, a younger model who she mistakes for inexperienced, buy I mistake for Mufasa:
The young model, not so subtly is a symbolic of the successful model Gabby once was. This point is even more thoroughly driven home when Gabby finds out she is playing the mother in the photo shoot. Ouch.
Of course Gabby, having no sense of reality, is completely shocked by this develpment. She decides that she'll take matters into her own hands and dress up as the sexy older sister coming home from college to cause trouble, although in this outfit she looks more like the cheap hooker dad brought home while mom was out.
This gets Gabby in trouble with the photographer, and later her agent who tells us what we've all been thinking: YOU'RE TOO GODDAMN SHORT TO BE A MODEL. Oh, wait. That's not right. She says that she's too GODDAMN OLD TO BE A MODEL. My bad.
Meanwhile, Susan has hatched a plan to make Julie and Austin, what are the kids saying nowadays, donezies? Isn't that the catchphrase Nicole Richie uses on Laguna Real Rules Challenge? Susan is much better at playing the good cop so she invites Carl over to scare some sense into Austin. The plan backfires though because if Carl were to be depicted in animation form he's really just a dumber version Homer Simpson. Sweet, I guess, but dim. Austin spills the beans about Susan dating Ian, which sends Carl right into a tizzy. Yes, that's right a jealous tizzy! He forbids Susan from seeing Ian anymore, but when Julie chimes in saying that no one can tell a woman who she should date (except Borat, I suppose), Susan 100% agrees. Wait a second. Did they just Duck Season/Rabbit Season Susan Mayer? Yes, yes they did.
DUCK SEASON!
RABBIT SEASON!
DUCK SEASON!
Parker the, uhh, Wussy, is still scared that his mom is going to get gunned down, unlike his Damien-like brothers, who are out playing war, so Lynette calls over to Art for some help. Art comes to the house and Lynette and he perform a lame skit to convince Parker that Art is a superhero protecting the Scavos. Parker is skeptical at first, but is totally blown away when "Protector Man" shows costume which is a t-shirt with a big "P" on it (Art went to Purdue). The fact that Parker fell for this is sad, mostly because in the upcoming weeks Lynette will find out that her son is diagnosed with mental retardation. Dude, seriously, Protector Man? You bought that?
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Comments (17)
Yes, Art is a pedophile. Maybe he'll go with the Pete Townshend "I was doing research" explanation.
Grandma Sugarbaker rocks. That kitchen scene between Orson and her had all the creepiness that made the first season work.
1 of 17 | Posted by brilliantmistake
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Posted on November 15, 2006 3:51 PM
I don't know about Art being a pedophile, however I think Lynette's reaction was a little odd. She should have gone straight to the police instead of straight home, but that wouldn't make for very good drama.
Excellent recap, Umnata.
2 of 17 | Posted by Clair
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Posted on November 15, 2006 4:50 PM
Hmm I never thought about Art not being a pedophile. I guess it would be an interesting twist if the pictures were for something non-disturbing.
Oh, and I thought it would be worth mentioning that I never watched DH until I read a recap on TVgasm out of boredom and decided these recaps are too funny and it might help if I knew what was going on. So thanks for adding yet another show to my ever-increasing TiVo lineup.
3 of 17 | Posted by UglyAllie
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Posted on November 15, 2006 4:52 PM
Great recap!
I was also irked when Lynette made the "wherever" comment (she did it twice too!) .. just didn't seem realistic.
And even though Asslee Simpson's ex boyfriend is a fun character... the pairing with Julie is too contrived. Its hard to watch.
Loved seeing Karl back. He was a great character... Get him back together with Edie and get rid of bland Mike!
4 of 17 | Posted by shia0bundan
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Posted on November 15, 2006 5:39 PM
I think they mentioned that he was a swim coach or something along those lines. That was a great twist at the end; something I didn't expect. But I agree with brilliantmisttake, I doubt that this is a red herring, it's probably the real thing. And I'm glad I'm no the the only one noticing Ms. McClusky's womanly curves.
5 of 17 | Posted by Captain
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Posted on November 15, 2006 5:53 PM
umnata- the phrase that the kiddies are using is "dunzo." as in, skelehatcher wants the relationship to be dunzo. ok- so that refers to 2 relationships. but you get the idea....
6 of 17 | Posted by sweetjane
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Posted on November 16, 2006 8:11 AM
Great recap. I'm starting to like Andrew better and better each week. He's better at the snarky mama's boy than the angsty teen rebel. Can't wait to find out what's up with Orson and his mom...
Also, here's an interview with your girlfriend! She talks about her character on the West Wing too...
http://www.mediavillage.com/jmentr/2006/11/15/jmer-housewives-11-15-06/
7 of 17 | Posted by Lisa
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Posted on November 16, 2006 8:17 AM
Finding out Art was a pedophile was seriously disturbing. And who wouldn't call the police? Is she just going to continue to let this man interact with her children? We know she's not the best mom, but geez. Lynette also needs to bo back to wearing the clip in her hair. The hair down is not working for her.
8 of 17 | Posted by Victoria
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Posted on November 16, 2006 12:43 PM
im telling you guys - i really dont feel like Art is a pedophile - i think it's all going to end up being a major misunderstanding. i HOPE he is a pedophile (is that weird to say?) bc i think it'll be great TV - lynette vs. the perv. it would be really great. i just have a nagging feeling that it's not what it seems. although i do agree with all of you that i cant believe lynette would go straight to the cops...
9 of 17 | Posted by umnata
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Posted on November 16, 2006 1:25 PM
I think the reason Lynette didn't go to the police, is the fact that she was in his house uninvited. It doesn't matter if he had the door unlocked or not.
I'm thinking he's not a pedophile. At first I did, but now that I see the picture of the kids, it appears that they are at the pool, and if he was a swim coach...I don't know I guess we will see.
Also the "P" on Art's shirt is not a Purdue P. They could've at least used a real Purdue t-shirt.
10 of 17 | Posted by dmbislove
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Posted on November 16, 2006 2:08 PM
Is desperate housewives going to have to call up ice-t and the crew over at svu?! Do I smell crossover episode?!?!
11 of 17 | Posted by ckitten
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Posted on November 16, 2006 2:35 PM
No love for the Christmas letter? Hilarious!
I can see Lynette's hesitation with Art somewhat believeable. I mean...the man DID save her life just a few days ago...I could see it being a difficult decision to make... Man saves your life, and you ruin his. Besides, it's just hesitation, she may act on it soon. You could see her deep in thought in the last scene, so it's on her mind.
I hope they keep Carl for a few more episodes, he's always been such an interesting and animated character.
Eager to see the next episode, and the next recap!
12 of 17 | Posted by The Red Bean
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Posted on November 16, 2006 5:43 PM
heh, I go to Purdue, and that made my night.
Also as mentioned, that was NOT a real Purdue P, but do you really think the producers would actually ask to use a real one?
13 of 17 | Posted by joshman5k
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Posted on November 16, 2006 7:09 PM
Has anyone mentioned the fact that Art is Fisher, Aunt Jackie's abusive boyfriend & real life baby-daddy? This is the first I've seen him since Roseanne.
Great recap. On the pedophile-thing: very possible he is one. First, he works as a boy's swim coach, ped's will find a way to be around kids. Second, his toy room in the basement, & third having the pictures on the wall. BUT-all the pictures look like they were at the pool & no one was naked. We haven't met is invalid sister yet-could be a piece to the puzzle.
BTW-I HATE Edie's nephew. Bad acting, bad writing, bad hair...why oh why couldn't he have taken the bullet for Nora??
14 of 17 | Posted by tvaholic
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Posted on November 17, 2006 10:51 AM
I also hope that the neighbor isn't a pedo. Although I think it would make good TV, I feel sorry for this actor. First he was best known as the jerkass that beat up Aunt Jackie and now he'll always be known as a child molester.
15 of 17 | Posted by fozziebare13
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Posted on November 17, 2006 8:13 PM
Whoa! Thanks for the shout-out, Umnata! Yes, I did dig The Babe. (Sadly, I do not share your lustful fascination for the old snoopy dame McClusky.)
At the risk of sounding obsequious, your DH recaps are getting better and better. I had many a snigger and snort as I read your witty snark.
BTW -- brilliantmistake (#1) -- I totally bought Pete Townshend's explanation -- am I being naïve?
dmbislove (#10) -- re not using the real 'P' - is it possible the producers just wanted to avoid a licensing issue? Especially if it later becomes 'P is for Pedophile'?!
16 of 17 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on November 21, 2006 3:45 PM
I would like to know the poem that they said on the last show on Jan.6 When they spread the ashes on the field. Thank you,Jeri Boston
17 of 17 | Posted by Jeri Boston | Posted on January 9, 2008 6:13 PM