My uncle used to have a saying that went, "Smile and the world smiles with you; cry and you laugh alone." He was of course suffering from syphilis related dementia and lost his life in a tragic prostitution sting gone awry, but that doesn't make this adage any less valid. As usual this week's episode of Desperate Housewives has a theme and that theme is smiles. How a smile can mask pain, drip with deceptive hatred, or in some cases, your face really does freeze that way when the syphilis attacks your central nervous system.
We pick up this week's episode with several residents of Wisteria Lane puzzled by a rash of unexplained vandalism through the neighborhood. Katherine's laundry was torn from the line and muddied, Bree's Char-King 5,000 was upended, and one of Lynette's ginger kid's skateboards was stolen. 'Tis truly a case for Sherlock Holmes. Our other resident dead super sleuth, Mary Alice, informs us of the true culprit: Carlos.
It seems Carlos was in the midst of a torrid liaison with Gaby, his ex-wife, when his current life partner, Edie, knocks on the door. As Carlos hides safely around the corner, Gaby opens the door and almost forgets to remove her strap on and zipper mask. Edie is concerned since Carlos left for a run hours ago and still hasn't returned. It's obvious that Edie feels something is rotten in the state of Tijuana since she says that Ida Greenberg saw Carlos on Gaby's porch earlier. Gaby has been living a lie since the day she said she was a 4 foot tall super model, and once again quickly thinks on her size 2 feet. She tells Edie that it's impossible for him to have been at her house since.....since.....he's going in your door right now. Oh there he goes. You missed him. Luckily gullibility is a side effect of Edie's hormone pills so she believes her.
Gaby returns to Carlos, proud of herself for coming up with such a believable lie, until he informs her that Edie will realize he's not in her home when she goes there. But come on, it is Edie. She's pretty self obsessed and doesn't really notice anyone but herself. Gaby runs out and stops Edie as she's driving away while Carlos scampers off through the neighbor's back yards. Gaby attempts to stall until Edie finally says, "blow me, munchkin," or something less direct and speeds off. Carlos goes all Ferris Beuler to beat Edie home as she drives down the street, three houses away. Seriously if anybody has a relief map of this street I really need to see it because I still can't figure out where everyone lives. Anyway, Edie enters her home to see Carlos standing over broken glass from the back door, which he caused to get in. Carlos tells Edie that someone must have broken in and when Edie tries to hug him, he's just sweaty enough to have been running for several hours. Edie is still in the dark and the game is still afoot, dear Watson.
"That Bree bitch pooped on my laundry again."
Mary Alice rambles on telling us that in the suburbs there is nothing more deceptive than a smile. The married husband from Jersey who sneaks off to the Manhole After Dark comes in a close second on the deceptometer, but I digress. We see our core ladies, sans Lynette, sipping their chamomile tea (straight tequila with milk and honey for Bree), gossiping about Julie's cliffhanging revelation from last week: that Dylan isn't the same girl she grew up with. Gaby asks Susan to clarify if she means that Dylan has changed or if she was replaced by a robot which is just stu.....hmmmm? I'm filing that theory away for future investigation.
As the ladies chat, they are sidled by Katherine who sneaks up and asks the ladies who their early morning gossip session was about this morning. Like any character on television the ladies fumble and are unable to lie convincingly, which always makes me upset. "I left that report on your desk." "O, I love Jazz." "I was tested last month." How hard is that? Anyway, Katherine says the real reason she came over was to talk to the ladies about Lynette. Since Lynette has been so weak from her chemo she thought it would be nice if they did something nice for her in a nice way. Like a nice lunch? Wouldn't that be nice? Aww, Katherine is so nice!
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Comments (12)
Awesome recap.... just awesome!
1 of 12 | Posted by Clair | Posted on October 10, 2007 1:00 PM
Thanks Clair!
Although rereading it I noticed a glaring error. Nathan Fillion's character's name is Adam, not Sam. I don't know where I got Sam from. I obviously have S&m on my mind again.
2 of 12 | Posted by Fozziebare13 | Posted on October 10, 2007 1:38 PM
OMG!!!!!! Riotous, absolutely hysterical--I am so hated for the good time I'm having reading these in the presence of the uninitiated (though I try)
Can't wait for more . . .
3 of 12 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 10, 2007 3:01 PM
Oh, my eyes! What in the heck is that picture on page 4 (Edie's dream wedding gown)?!? That thing will be featured in my nightmares tonight. The other parts of the recap, however, are gold. :-)
4 of 12 | Posted by jayhawkanne | Posted on October 10, 2007 3:08 PM
Fozziebare!!!Great recap! Can i just say regarding susan in her lingerie;
1)I can never unsee it, DAMN.
2)Gross, she looked like a mummy that had been unwrapped, all dried up and dessicated.
3)Her boobs? um if they had pushed those B cups up anymore they would have been over her ears.
So bored with the edie tranny blackmail story, WAKE UP carlos, just move your money to a different account and run while you can!
5 of 12 | Posted by lloyd dobbler | Posted on October 10, 2007 3:25 PM
Oh Fozz, how you make me laugh. Loved the Janice Dickinson caption :)
6 of 12 | Posted by bevo | Posted on October 10, 2007 8:36 PM
Awesome recap - you had me laughing out loud almost the entire time!
Looking forward to the next one!
7 of 12 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 10, 2007 8:39 PM
Enjoyed the recap.
Did any one else think it was odd that a pregnant Susan tasted what she presumed to be beer out of Julie's cup at the party? Even though it wound up being orange soda, she thought it was alcohol: a little irresponsible for a prego mama. Way to go, Susan!
8 of 12 | Posted by queenlala | Posted on October 11, 2007 8:40 AM
You had me at "My uncle used to have a saying..."
9 of 12 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 11, 2007 10:35 AM
You had me at "My uncle used to have a saying..."
10 of 12 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 11, 2007 10:38 AM
Thanks for the Miss McCluskey pic... you weren't lying at karaoke the other night, you DO know what boys like.
11 of 12 | Posted by clichemonster | Posted on October 12, 2007 1:02 PM
Funny recap. Queenlala, you're right. It was irresponsible of pregnant Susan to try her daughter's red-cup-of-mysterious-liquid, especially at a "rowdy" party. Anything could've been in that cup. GHB is definitely no good for Susan, Jr. The other thing that struck me as strange about it is that drink turned out to be orange soda. Huh? I'm not really a drinker, but is there any alcoholic drink that could be confused with orange soda??? I mean, that doesn't have a straw and umbrella hanging off the rim of the cup...
I think Carlos is probably hiring that dude to date Eddie so she'll become unobsessed with him. Why the big bulk of cash then? Well, it costs a lot to get a hetero man to date a tranny, but every man has his price. :)
12 of 12 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 14, 2007 7:45 AM