This week on Desperate Housewives: Susan finally finds out about Bree, so you can check that off your list. Lynette sues Carlos over her job and it all ends up bitch-slapping her back in the face. Danny tries to kill himself Bell Jar style. Katherine jumps over the edge of sanity so far that I don't think she'll ever be able to come back. And everyone decides they need a little self-defense, Bobby Hill-style.
Mary Alice blahs about the person we didn't care about last week who got strangled at The Coffee Cup. Her name was Emily. And yeah, she died, so the people of Fairview may want to go somewhere else to get their morning lattes. How about The Mugs With Hot Beverages Inside? Or The 10% Recycled Materials Paper Cup With Biodegradable Sleeve? Both popular choices.
Apparently, everyone in town knew Emily. Really? That must be why we've never seen her or heard of her before. Also, everything is in slo-mo right now, I'm not sure why. Also, the killer's returned to the scene of the crime, but we don't get to see his/her face. But we do know that a.) he/she likes Wintergreen gum, and B.) he/she likes to throw said gum wrappers on the ground. Dammit! Strangling someone to death I can understand, but littering?! Uncalled for! Is the gum a clue, or just a MacGuffin? We'll never know . . . or care. Credits.
It's time for the "weekly poker game." What is this, season 1? But the ladies aren't there to talk about poker or yeast infections this week. They're all, "How can we protect ourselves?" And some lady, who none of us have ever seen before, literally says, "Down at the hospital, where I work, there's a self-defense class. Maybe we should consider taking that?" Um, who the hell do you think you are, little Ms. Sad Blue Cardigan Who Works Down At the Hospital? Nuh-uh -- we don't need no Jenny-Come-Latelies on this show. Bitch. And why would a self-defense class be at a freaking hospital? Doesn't Fairview have a community center?
Murderer!!
Bree pulls a gun out of her purse and says a .38 special is all she needs. Yeah, me too -- I'm already hating this episode so much that I'd like to put myself out of my misery, please. Bree asks Susan if she wants to touch the gun, but Susan still has bad memories of shooting Katherinsane. Really? Cuz if it were me, Suze, I'd just want to grab that gun and finish the job. When Julie comes in, Susan asks her if she wants to take the self-defense class too, and Julie's all, Yeah when I got strangled I was taking out the trash, the dude came from behind, and I just totally passed out, so good luck with that shit. Dang. Way to suck the fun out of the room, Jules. Somewhere, Debbie Downer is like, "Yikes, too much, Julie Mayer. My cat has feline AIDS." Wah wah waaaaaaahhhh.
Over at the Scavo household, Tom is sewing a costume for Penny, and he also got a bottle of brandy for Lynette to give to Carlos to butter him up because of the whole pregnancy-lie thing. Oh no, Lynette says, Carlos is a nice guy and won't care and she's way too valuable at the company. I'm sure that statement won't blow up in her face. Sure enough -- Cut to: The office, where everyone is throwing Lynette a Smell Ya Later party.
And the Emmy for the Best Performance by an Under Five goes to....
Carlos says that he's already given her position to some other guy, so she can either move to Florida or quit. In fact, Lynette doesn't even have an office anymore -- Carlos gave that to the other guy, and moved Lynette's stuff to the supply closet. Yup. Just like that episode of The Office two weeks ago. Interesting. It may be just coincidental, but it certainly made this part of the episode less funny. And THAT is an accomplishment.
Back at Susan's, Julie's in bed all bummed out because she's alive. Susan tells Julie that maybe she should tell Emily's family about Nick, but Julie still thinks Nick is not responsible, and then drops the bomb that Nick wanted to get back together with her. Susan's not happy with the fact that she raised a home wrecker.
Can we just tell people that he was married to you first? Cuz that would totally make it ok.
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Comments (11)
This pains my fingers to type this but I'm guessing Lynette loses the babies next week. I'd be running from that neighborhood! Suicide, murder, attacks, tornados, plane crashes, didn't they have an earthquake?
1 of 11 | Posted by wornsey | Posted on December 3, 2009 6:29 AM
I just read in More Magazine that, "There's talk of a new show in which she [McCluskey] would star with Lily Tomlin, who plays her sister on Desperate Housewives."
Great recap!
2 of 11 | Posted by Clair | Posted on December 3, 2009 8:55 AM
Wait....wouldn't Orson hanging around Mike violate Orson's parole since Mike is also a felon? That didn't make sense to me.
Great recap!
3 of 11 | Posted by marijai | Posted on December 3, 2009 9:15 AM
marijai - TOTALLY! I didn't even think about that! You are so effing smart.
wornsey - Yeah, I bet Lynette loses her babies too. I didn't even think about that either! You guys! You rock. I don't think they had an earthquake, though.
clair - is it a spin-off, or a completely different show? I'd welcome either of them!
4 of 11 | Posted by Hypnotoad | Posted on December 3, 2009 2:01 PM
Sadly, that's all the article said about it. IMDB is no help.
5 of 11 | Posted by Clair | Posted on December 3, 2009 2:28 PM
I think the woman who plays Mrs. McCluskey has lung cancer, so I'd be surprised if they are creating a new show for her, at least until she finishes her treatment. Love the recap; look forward to it more than the show itself!
6 of 11 | Posted by LauraK | Posted on December 3, 2009 4:22 PM
The Orson-Mike thing occurred to me as well and I can't believe that the show has just glossed over it. Maybe there's some sort of exception since they reside on the same street but the show should have addressed this.
I hate what they're doing to Orson and Katherine but I don't think they'll be killed off in the plane crash. Surely the writers aren't THAT lazy. I think Orson will just up-and-leave Bree while Katherine will be put in the loony bin.
And what is with Mark Cherry and black people?
Oh how I miss the days of Season 1... and Edie.
7 of 11 | Posted by See-Jay | Posted on December 5, 2009 6:07 PM
I did a stupid thing and looked up spoilers, and now I know who dies. At least, I think. I was actually surprised. And sad? I'll let you be the judge of that next week!
Honestly guys, I feel SOO dumb for not thinking about the Orson-Mike thing - like at all. I think the writers just forgot about it. Kind of like I did!
See-Jay - I doubt there's some kind of same-street-exception. I just think none of the writers thought about it. And I don't think Katherine and Orson will die either, but I wish they would. I loved Orson in season 3, but now he really serves no other purpose than to annoy Bree and act all put-upon. He just needs to get interesting or go away. And Katherine . . . oh, Katherine. I really liked her as a foil for Bree in season 4, and even though season 5 was a waste of (our) time, she was okay. I really wouldn't mind her this season if she was just bitchy to Susan all the time (THAT would be awesome), but she's a completely different person. I get that this show is a glorified soap opera, and if this change had happened organically, I would welcome it, but it's just ridiculous and needs to stop. So yeah, I wish they'd get rid of Katherine.
I too miss Edie. But I admire Nicolette for having the balls to jump off that sinking ship when she had the chance. This season's improving over last year's crapfest, but if Edie were here it'd be 10 times better.
Oh, Drea DeMatteo only signed on for 16-17 episodes, by the way, so she'll be missing from a few. Not sure which ones, though.
8 of 11 | Posted by Hypnotoad | Posted on December 5, 2009 6:29 PM
The "Katherine go crazy" storyline definitely feels forced but when I think about all of the stuff she's been through it's slightly more plausible.
-An abusive husband she couldn't escape whom she latter on kills.
-Losing her daughter, covering the death up and having to replace her.
-A second husband who cheated on her and ultimately left.
-Almost getting gunned down by Albino Dave.
-Finally meeting a man who she thinks is different but ends up back with his ex.
Plus a few smaller things but it still doesn't feel like a naturally progressing development and at this point there's no way to salvage her character.
9 of 11 | Posted by See-Jay | Posted on December 5, 2009 7:03 PM
I'm loving the comments this week, people! I usually get down when I don't see any - not because I feel like I deserve a lot of comments on my recaps, but because I honestly love to discuss the show.
See-Jay - I think you were reading my mind when I was writing my last reply, because I was actually thinking about all the crazy crap Katherine had to deal with. But the weird thing is, the thing that made her snap? Getting dumped. I mean, wha? An antique chest crushes your real daughter and you go to Romania to get a new one and then your ex-husband finds you and tries to kill you and you're TOTALLY COOL WITH THAT, but you get dumped and then THAT'S why you stab yourself? Sheesh.
I completely agree with you. I can't put my finger on it, but it doesn't feel naturally progressive or true to the character, when, as you pointed out, it's actually kind of warranted given her life. I think what made Katherine so appealing, to me, in season 4 (and I guess maybe last year) was that there was some semblance of honesty to her, some way to emotionally connect or resonate with her, and now that's just gone.
Okay guys, you've made me think about this a little bit (dammit!) and I guess I really don't want Katherine dead. But I truly hope that after the holiday break she gets back to her usual self but quick. Otherwise, though, why keep her around?
10 of 11 | Posted by Hypnotoad | Posted on December 5, 2009 7:21 PM
I'm way behind on the gasm lately . . . sniff . . . but love your recaps Hypno, and I'll weigh in . . .
I thought when they made Kath normal and had her hook up with Mike it was wrong, wrong, wrong--she was crazy in the beginning, and over the top conniving to try and cover her tracks, so it was weirder to me that she was normal--and the chemistry there . . . ewww--I'm not a Susan fan (but she got points blessing Bree and Karl) but she is way more feasible than Kath . . . and I wish I could explain why, the word "matronly" comes to mind, but I feel cruel using it . . . .anyhoo, I kinda like her crazy, but so ridonk. Mike is a bore . . . sigh . . . maybe it's the writing, but I wouldn't be offing myself.
Lynette is heinous . . . I just can't like her, Edie is soooo missed, but surprisingly, I haven't hated the show as much as I thought I might. I agree, Kath being a super snide bitch to Susan would have been fun. There's not enough McCluscky on the show, so a spin off would be great, with or without Lily (who was wasted in her cameo)
And, despite what I said about Kath, she's not that old or undesirable that she couldn't find a man--maybe Boreson will be free soon, now there's a match.
11 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on December 7, 2009 2:36 PM