As we open we see Katherine looking longingly through her window mourning the loss of another husband. This one wasn't murdered gruesomely, rather ran out on Katherine for being such a C U Next Tuesday. Katherine suddenly flashes back to her first husband and all of the times he would smack her upside the head when she would step out of line. Rather than be appreciative of his thoughtful reminders of when dinner should be on the table, Katherine is resentful of the abuse.

Spousal abuse is nothing to make fun of. But her face sure is.

Katherine's misty water-colored memories are interrupted when our favorite ladies all drop by bearing gifts. Bree has muffins, Susan has jam, and Gaby and Lynette have hoochie shorts and headscarves, respectively. Katherine thanks the ladies for dropping by but tells them that they obviously want nothing more than information and gossip so they can take their sugary sweets and hit the bricks making sure that the doorknob doesn't hit Gaby in the back of the head on the way out. Before Bree leaves she tells Katherine that she's surprised that Adam is the one who left since she knows about the affair that he had with the dead, crazy lady in Chicago (before she was dead but while she was crazy). Katherine once again dismisses Bree and offers up no additional information before slamming the door in Bree's stiff, puckered face.

Later Katherine goes for a walk in the woods and finds a makeshift grave marker where someone is buried and I'm assuming it's not the family parakeet. She had that thing burned alive when it started blabbing her secrets. I'm assuming this is someone who was gruesomely murdered.

Here lies a dude that messed with the wrong bitch. He will be sadly missed.

It's Sunday on Wisteria Lane and everyone is off to church except Lynette, who is busy sacrificing another gopher to Satan. Suddenly Lynette gets struck by the Holy Spirit and announces to her family that they should go to church, most likely as to not arouse suspicion when the neighborhood kids start disappearing again. Tom hates the idea since there's a big game on and straight men like big games. One of Lynette's ginger kids pipes up and says that he already knows that Jesus is the guy that helps Santa. This misinformation urges Tom and Lynette to get the kids ready and take them to church since everyone knows that Jesus and Santa haven't spoken since their fallout on their FOX reality show, The Not Real Life.

"You know I've been straight since I left L.A. Straight guys like watching the big game. We eat of the beef and we look at the bosoms. Church is for homos."

Bree is determined to be crowned the head of the ladies auxiliary since she assumes this means she will get to carry a gun. Before Lynette can leave for church Lynette approaches and asks Bree and Orson if she can come to church with them. Bree is thrilled that Lynette chose to follow the Presbyterian life, which consists of ice cream socials, silent auctions and country clubs. Way less shady than living like a Catholic, which is all about being on your knees.

Gaby comes to church, once again an hour late and a rosary short for mass. As the other Latin, Italian and Irish worshipers file out, Gaby corners the priest and asks him for a favor. She tells him that she is getting married to Carlos and would like the priest to perform the ceremony. Thy priest is confused since Gaby's husband just died less than two weeks ago and he's pretty sure that he already married Gaby and Carlos once. Gaby promises to start being a good Christian starting tomorrow if he'll just stop the Inquisition and agree to marry them. The priest reluctantly agrees knowing that Gaby's soul would be a big get for God.

Hope you enjoyed your vacation, Alexandra and Lori. I had to watch Crowned because of you.

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Posted in Desperate Housewives by FozzieBare at 12:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: juddfan on Apr 17, 2008 01:23 PM.