So I’m confused. I’ve been recapping Desperate Housewives all season now and I think I’m fairly familiar with how the show goes. It’s essentially a big soap opera that mixes all sorts of elements from comedy to drama with the added benefit of watching Teri Hatcher’s face morph into the Joker (don’t believe me? Look at this). But there has always been a dark undercurrent to the storylines. Murders, lies, suicide, etc. Last night's episode, however, took me by surprise. And not in a good way. It had to be one of the most absurd hours of television I’ve seen all year. I mean think of the weirdest premise you can think of, like the Vice President of the United States shooting a 78-year-old man in the face with a shotgun. OK, maybe that’s a little too weird, but you get my point. Every aspect of virtually every storyline was so over the top and the acting by the entire cast was so shticky that I actually said “WTF?� out loud at least three times. Which was weird because I normally don’t just blurt out letters. Now sure, the title of the episode was “Silly People� so I guess that’s what they were going for, but for me it was less “silly� and more “bizarrely annoying.�
But first let me apologize. My TiVo, otherwise known as "The greatest invention in the history of man. Even better than penicillin," had a brain fart and didn't save the episode so the screencaps are culled from the internet. My apologies because I was really thinking of using a great shot of Teri Hatcher's disintegrating face to go with my undeniably funny title. Ah well…
The tone was set right from the beginning when we saw Bree attending a dinner party with yet another nameless group of high society types. The hostess is Maxine Bennett, played by the otherwise hilarious comedic actress Jane Lynch. Her parties are always wonderful and her food is always perfectly prepared and served. Maxine insists that she does all of it herself, but Bree doesn’t buy it. Everything is just too perfect and she knows for a fact that the food she serves takes hours to prepare. Once Bree voices her suspicions to the others, there is a knock at the door. It’s the F.B.I. with a warrant. They go into the kitchen and lo and behold there is a young Chinese immigrant woman preparing the food. Maxine is arrested for involuntary servitude. So the show starts with a woman getting caught for having a Chinese immigrant slave. A Chinese immigrant slave who is a better chef than Wolfgang Puck.
As Gabrielle is coming home from a day of shopping she sees the former Chinese slave with the priest and Carlos in her front yard. Carlos tells her that he has agreed to keep her there for a few days while they arrange a trip for her to return to China. At first Gabrielle is fuming at the idea, but then one day she sees that the slave girl is cooking gourmet food and doing a super professional job at sewing her fancy garments. If only Russian mail order brides were this talented, I’d be living on easy street. Instead I’ve got cigarette burns on the carpet and an itch that won’t go away. Also, it’s worth pointing out that throughout this entire episode Eva Longoria’s idea of comedic acting is to overact every line to such a degree that it is painfully unfunny.
She tries to regain her reputation with the viewers (namely me) in the next scene with Carlos as he strips her down to her underwear trying to get some. She isn’t that interested and spends the entire time trying to convince him that they should keep the Chinese girl on as their maid, and when Carlos refuses to agree, she refuses to surrender the pink. Oh Gaby! At least she didn’t call Carlos a “Mexican bike cop�.
Later we see Gabrielle sitting in front of the mirror while Xiao Mei (that’s the maid's name) is brushing her hair as Gabrielle tries to convince her to stay. Unfortunately while Xiao Mei can make a perfect five star, six course meal for 12 people, she cannot speak rudimentary English, cuz that makes total sense. When Xiao Mei spies a bracelet on her table Gabrielle says that it isn’t worth much and she can have it. Xiao Mei is so thrilled that later when she is about to go she refuses and tells the priest, through her interpreter, that she thinks of them as family and wants to stay and work for them.
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Comments (18)
Desperate housewives always sucked ABC is so . . . Unoriginal
1 of 18 | Posted by GoldCrayon
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Posted on February 15, 2006 5:46 PM
well, you're certainly giving J-Unit and LA a run for their "How many references to my hometown" money.
Eh, I just still bitter over UConn's loss at 'Nova Monday night.
2 of 18 | Posted by sg-dub
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Posted on February 15, 2006 5:53 PM
"Susan is going to Paul and Edie for help. Paul offers to get into it with the insurance company but her surgery is scheduled for next week."
Susan's ex-husband/Edie's current boyfriend is named Karl, not Paul.
This episode was horrible through and through.
3 of 18 | Posted by Andrea
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Posted on February 15, 2006 6:09 PM
Fucking Wildcats.
4 of 18 | Posted by Lizardqueen
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Posted on February 15, 2006 6:19 PM
sg-dub, it's "I'm just still bitter" not "I just still bitter".
Its called grammar. Look into it.
5 of 18 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on February 15, 2006 6:23 PM
And J-unit lives in LA, whereas we live in Hartford, so when we do it its funnier.
6 of 18 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on February 15, 2006 6:29 PM
1) Yeah, I tried to immediately follow up my typo'd comment with a "Didn't mean to be so EdHill with my typos" but the new comment-ware didn't allow such a quick double post.
2) YOU actually live IN Hartford. I, thankfully, live in a snotty yuppie town west of our fair capitol city - the kind of New England town that rednecks in red states point to and chastise for our Volvos and sushi. But you're right. We live in CT and they live in LA. We lose.
7 of 18 | Posted by sg-dub
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Posted on February 15, 2006 7:28 PM
"The greatest invention in the history of man. Even better than Penicillin",
I say this all the time...well maybe not that exact quote...but really what has Penicillin done for me lately? But TIVO on the other hand...
8 of 18 | Posted by eellsinoc
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Posted on February 15, 2006 9:53 PM
EdHill once again writes a better recap than the show. I watch this entire boring hour hating Gabrielle and the high point of Tom eating the toilet doughnut, and wonder why I don't just give up-and the reason is for those 2 really good minutes where Mike has to answer for why he didn't tell that guy he has a grandson and the wonderful Harriet Sansom Harris. If only the rest of the show could be that good.
9 of 18 | Posted by Victoria
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Posted on February 15, 2006 11:26 PM
You didn't mention the preview for the next episode when Bree is a fall-down drunk.
10 of 18 | Posted by ClariceStarling
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Posted on February 16, 2006 7:32 AM
This episode was so damn boring. I only liked nurse Felicia's freaky face when she heard the dying guy on the phone with Mike. And this show is getting weirder every week. It's like the writers are taking a page from the logic-adverse The O.C.
11 of 18 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on February 16, 2006 9:13 AM
Isn't Hartford the Insurance Capitol of the World...or at least just the US?
12 of 18 | Posted by wendyloohoo
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Posted on February 16, 2006 10:15 AM
RE Insurance Capitol, if Hartford isn't really the capitol then my MA radio station is telling me lies!
13 of 18 | Posted by wendyloohoo
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Posted on February 16, 2006 10:38 AM
The recap was better than this week's show. Riptide-who'd of thunk it could be worked in to present times?
I never watched the first season of DH, but got sucked in to the first part of this season. Was last season better? I'm just getting really annoyed by Gabby, Tom, and all the kids on the show.
14 of 18 | Posted by tvaholic
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Posted on February 16, 2006 10:59 AM
This episode was so boring, I'd rather read recaps of the Tuesday morning Aetna staff meeting.
Susan should be hurled from atop the Traveler's Tower, maybe that'll stop her spleen from wondering.
Yes, I too am from New England's Rising Star.
15 of 18 | Posted by spatula
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Posted on February 16, 2006 1:18 PM
The KHole is annoyed!
Again, I loathe Susan and Gabrielle.
I was surprised not to see another 'Gabrielle is so hot that....'story. Again we are vicitmized by her poor acting and mugging for the camera. Eva Longwhoreia should be fired.
Teri Hatcher should also be fired, yesterday. She looks freakish and just plain blows. 'nuff said.
Felicity Huffman should call her agent and lawyer to figure out a way to get out of this contract/crappy TV show. At least we did not see Lynette being a guilt ridden bad mother.
Raw bacon? Ick. Husband eating a toilet donut? Gag. Ah yes, happens every day in Corporate America!
KH
16 of 18 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on February 16, 2006 3:58 PM
DH is terrible and always has been. I feel sorry for you because you have to watch it every week, EdHill. Thanks though because now I actually get some entertainment from the show--through your recaps.
17 of 18 | Posted by LRo9
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Posted on February 16, 2006 9:43 PM
The ep was totally bizarre. I feel like a darker show (arrested development or the family guy) could have pulled off the slavery story line in a funny way but here it was just odd and stupid. Bacon scene made my stomach hurt. I think I got about three forehead wrinkles becuase I spent the whole episode furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.
18 of 18 | Posted by Leah3t
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Posted on February 19, 2006 8:47 PM