I've always been one to hold grudges. I still haven't completely forgiven Jake Glick for being the first person in school to get a My Buddy doll. I'm not going to get into the details but I have yet to forgive Hilary Duff. She knows what she did. And I have still not forgiven Beverly Hills 90210 with baiting me to believe a main character would die and it ended up just being that geeky blonde freshman that nobody ever liked who was in two episodes. When I heard that two major characters would die on this week's episode of Desperate Housewives, I had my doubts about the validity of their claim. Did they prove me right or wrong? Let's find out after the jump.
Since there's now a character named Adam on the show, I'm going to take all this downtime to come up with some kind of "Adam's Apple" joke.
We open with scenes of absolute destruction on Wisteria lane as Mary Alice Ghostly tells us that the day was supposed to have been beautiful. Obviously death and meteorology go hand in hand. We see trees falling, mailboxes being ripped from the ground, and more hairpieces than I can count tossed like flotsam and jetsam down the lane. A soaking wet, dirty, ragdoll is blowing across the street before we flash back a few hours before the storm when it is seen lying in the gutter, perhaps it's the new Lindsay Lohan action figure. Lynette's youngest daughter picks up the doll and walks by her mom who is standing with our core gals. Gaby is telling the ladies that she is back with Carlos and they are packing up their burrough to leave town for a while. She fills in the ladies that since Edie blabbed to Victor about Gaby and Carlos's affair, they think it would be best if they leave town until all of this blows over. Blows over. Get it? Maybe these writers don't deserve more money. The ladies all discuss Gaby's leaving until Miss McCluskey drives by on her hog to tell them that a tornado just touched down in Mount Pleasant and there's another on the way there. The ladies scatter to start preparing for the storm as Mary Alice forebodes that within four hours one of the ladies would lose a husband and all of them would lose a friend. WOO HOO! Andrew is neither a husband nor a friend! He's in the clear.
The new Lindsay Lohan doll comes complete with an overbearing mother doll, a small mirror and a tiny little razor blade. Available at your local Duane Read
While Gaby packs she sees a report on the television that Victor is recovering uncomfortably fast, so she and Carlos need to head for the hills toot sweet until Victor forgets about them knocking him overboard and leaving him for dead. Two-three weeks tops. Victor comes in and tells Gaby that he is going to the bank to get his passport and fake mustache from his safety deposit box and notices that Gaby is packing like Diana Ross going on tour in Thailand. He tells her that she needs to pack lightly, but Gaby tells him to back off since packing wigs and feather boas is comfort food after saying goodbye to her friends. This reminds Carlos that he should go say something to Edie before leaving, but Gaby won't allow it. She says that Edie ruined their lives and they wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for that dirty, ugly, skanky, scheming redwood of a whore. Carlos agrees and reminds Gaby that his shady accountant is coming by to drop off the papers with the super secret password required to obtain his $10 million from his Cayman Islands account (the password is Carlos) at which point Gaby gets wet again while fantasizing about wearing one of her feather boas on a big pile of money.
"Hey good lookin', how about a freebie? It's my birthday!"
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Comments (11)
i normally dont get to watch desperate housewives because im at work. but this week i was home and got to watch it, and i must say that it makes reading your recaps twice as hilarious!
and screw the writers for making us wait.
1 of 11 | Posted by aman | Posted on December 5, 2007 10:35 AM
I totally forgot about Andrew leaving home. I just assumed he, Lee and Neil were having a Wizard of Oz party.
2 of 11 | Posted by cutebutstupid | Posted on December 5, 2007 12:16 PM
Oh Fozzie, I not only honestly love you, I'll have your first spawn, and I wont even have an epidural so thrilled will I be to bring more derision to this world. Knife marks, terlet, is that your finger . . . the only wrong note is sticking How do you talk to an angel in my head all recap!@!!
Thank you sooo much for all the annoying laughter I've bestowed on my new office mate, now and forever--and I say forget the writers strike, lets shoot your episodes!!!!
3 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on December 5, 2007 12:31 PM
I know my husband and I weren't the only people in Tornado Alley laughing out loud and the "preparations for the tornado warning to come!"
We really couldn't take any of the other stuff seriously because we just couldn't stop laughing at the whole storm is coming thing.
4 of 11 | Posted by KutiePie | Posted on December 5, 2007 3:18 PM
He didn't push me down the stairs -- I'm just really klutzy. Luckily my freakishly giant boobs broke my fall.
5 of 11 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on December 5, 2007 3:36 PM
Great recap Fozzie! And thanks for being the only recapper since Season 1 to actually consistently watch and recap every episode of this torturous, but somehow addictive show.
Seriously though, Victor dying? First of all, a mayor with presidential aspirations wouldn't be stupid enough to personally kill his wife's ex-husband (or his wife if he was going after Gabby). Second, it makes for a much better storyline for Gabby to stay married to a Victor after she tried to kill him. Marc Cherry is a dumb shit, honestly I could come up with better storylines.
This ep. definately did not live up to the "BEST EPISODE OF THE SEASON" commercials that ABC ran all week. I really couldn't believe that was it... and I predict the kids aren't dead. Maybe Tom is injured or something, but if there is one thing that is consistent about DH its that they don't take risks in writing. Predictability always wins.
6 of 11 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on December 5, 2007 4:07 PM
Awesome recap(per)!
Ida makes sense for the room temperature "friend", which means Lynette's husband isn't put out of his/our misery... and since it isn't cable (or my dreams), the kids will be okay, too.
The special effects were laughable. Objects fly through the air while trees in the background remain stationary or characters stand without leaning into the wind.
No way even Lynette would leave her kids in that situation to chase after a cat... even with the lovely Mrs. McClusky thrown in.
Oddly loved watching Crazy sucking to her probable doom. (But still love ya, Tina Fey! XOXO)
I will miss your inspired recaps more than the show itself!
7 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 6, 2007 10:59 AM
Meant "sucked", but Freudian works, too.
8 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 6, 2007 11:04 AM
I think this is the first time I've responded to anything related to this show, but I just couldn't pass this opportunity up!
First off, I agree with KutiePie. I live in Indiana, and we have tornadoes/watches/and warnings weekly throughout the summer and other times during the year. What the heck? When was the last time you taped your windows in preparation? haha
Oh...and the fact that the people outside had like 25 minutes to fight and chase cats or whatever while the tornado was RIGHT THERE on their street was also funny.
And "stationary background trees." I noticed that too. Good stuff.
For what it's worth, I say that Victor and the old lady in the basement are dead.
9 of 11 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on December 6, 2007 6:48 PM
Susan, Edie, Lynette, Bree, & Gaby are all alive, so ABC's marketing department is full of shit. Those are the only "main characters" on the show.
I wish Danielle had gotten sucked into the tornado swirl along with Crazy. Now THAT ending would've been worth all of the residuals in the world. And it only took me 2 seconds to think of it. Show me the money!
10 of 11 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on December 8, 2007 9:55 PM
not gonna lie i didnt feel bad for lynette at all...she is a selfish bitch...
POOR CARLOS
11 of 11 | Posted by lbonnerz | Posted on December 22, 2007 1:18 PM