Testimonials

Bree and Crazy bond over their hatred of Katherine and propensity to have people spit in their faces on a regular basis. Bree pours her celestial seasonings tea and begins to question why Katherine has such an angry boner for her. Crazy tells Bree that she and Adam made sweet Chicago-style love (that's with the sauce on top) when she was one of his patients. Crazy knows that Adam is miserable without her and asks Bree if she thinks Katherine and Adam are happy. Bree unwisely answers that they seem content, which makes Crazy do something crazy and throw her cookie at Bree declaring that she's wrong. Bree tries to politely end teatime but Crazy keeps going on about how she and Adam were lovers and how often she licked the snake tattoo on Adam's shoulder when they were banging in his stirrups. Bree tries to delicately lead Crazy out of the house but Crazy runs off and barricades herself in Bree's bathroom. Bree tries to coax her out by leaving a trail of shiny objects and foil hats down the hallway, but Crazy is crazy like a fox and won't budge. Bree tries to plead with her since she, Orson and baby Benjamin were going to use the toilet as a storm shelter but Crazy demands that Bree go get Adam.

"You know the kind of sex where when you're done, you're hands are just full of clumps of his hair and you don't remember pulling it out?"

Orson is in his office, right at the bridge of "You'll be a Dentist" when Susan shows up demanding information as to why Orson gave Mike drugs when he knew that Mike was a junky addict whore. Orson tells Susan that he was just trying to help Mike with his pain, but Susan doesn't believe him since dentists are not traditionally shoulder pain experts. Orson kindly asks Susan to leave but before she does she gives him a stern warning that if he gives Mike so much as a hit of Peyote at next week's neighborhood key party she will bring the smack down.

"This isn't what it looks like! I was just molesting her."

Back on Wisteria Lane, a young boy-girl is ringing Edie's bell, literally, not in a 70's disco euphemism kind of way. When Edie answers, the boy-girl, who should definitely play one of Jodie Foster's sexually ambiguous kids in Foster's next movie, offers to sell Edie water for $20 a bottle during this time of crisis. Edie tells the little Cheney kid to go away and hit up Gaby since she likes to overpay for things. The boy-girl says he-she already tried but Gaby and Carlos said that they were moving and to not tell a single soul, but he-she felt Edie didn't count since she is a minion of Satan.

Bowl cuts only flatter Mo.

Mike staggers to his truck, shaking, and feeling like there are bugs under his skin and starts rummaging through the ashtray for his pills so he can get his fix and make the screaming in his head stop. When he opens the pill bottle there is simply a note inside that reads, "Sea mea. Soozun. XOXO ☺" Mike goes to Susan and she tells him that she wasn't going to just sit back and watch him spin out of control like her bush if left untended. Mike questions her fears reminding Susan that he has never missed a mortgage payment, or missed one of their monthly "love"-making sessions. Susan tells Mike that while he's not a necessarily Jerry Blank yet, he did lie to her, brought a drug dealer into their home to date his stepdaughter, lied again and then convinced her best friend's husband to prescribe him pills. Mike begins to roid-rage and demands that Susan give him back his pills but Susan tells Mike to talk to the liver spotted hand and walks away. Mike follows her and grabs her arm at the top of the stairs but when Susan tries to pull away she slips and tumbles to the bottom. This is just like when Donna Martin's boyfriend pushed her down the stairs so he could get his own show where he had an excuse to sing every week. Dear God, I hope Mike doesn't start playing acoustic wuss-rock now.

How do you talk to an angel? By being a total pussy.

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Posted in Desperate Housewives by FozzieBare at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)
Last Comment: lbonnerz on Dec 22, 2007 01:18 PM.