Back at Wisteria Lane General, Mike and Susan are still waiting to see the doctor. Mike is getting shaky and anxious, just like he does before sex night every month, so Susan asks him if everything is all right. Before Mike can answer another patient is wheeled in ahead of them. Mike stands up and insists that he and Susan were there long before that bloody burn victim who's hemorrhaging blood out of her eyes. The doctor looks over at Susan's face and screams, demanding that she be seen immediately and treated for the knife marks on her face stat! Mike tells the doctor that she always looks like that and it's her kankle that needs attention. The doctor reminds Mike that the other patient's wounds are slightly more serious than his wife's, although no more gag-inducing, so Mike will just have to wait. The doctor begins to walk away but Mike grabs his arm, since that plan has worked so well for him all day. When the doctor turns around to pull away, Mike swings and punches the doctor in his face. The Asian nurse immediately springs into action and grabs the phone to get Mike subdued. "I need security in the emergency room now! BUT FIRST, talk dirty to me."
"Don't hit his face! It's the one part that's not covered in moles and warts!"
Mike is put in restraints and tied to a chair, again just like monthly sex night, while he waits for Susan to exit the exam room. Susan exits with a boot on her foot but insists that the baby is fine: 10 fingers, 10 toes, one tail, three nipples. Susan tells Mike that he needs to get help at a rehab facility, but Mike insists that he can kick the problem himself just like when he stopped collecting Hummel figurines from Parade Magazine. He's sure he's hit rock bottom being handcuffed to a chair and wrestled to the ground by a tiny Asian nurse, so he can stop taking the pills without any help. Just then a sassy fat, black nurse walks up, who should get her own spin-off called Sassy, Fat, Black Nurse, and gives Susan her delicious, pain-numbing, glorious, glorious pain pills. Mike looks at Susan and down at the pills, then back to Susan, then back to the pills, and begs with his eyes for a little something to make the hurting go away, again just like on monthly sex night. Susan cannot believe his request but Mike insists he just needs one and that he'll quit first thing tomorrow, plus he'll do that special thing Susan likes on the next sex night. Susan stays strong and tells Mike that he is going to rehab and if he doesn't she will take their baby and leave him for good. Plus Andrew moved away so Mike's sexual offer is a moot point anyway. Mike gives in and says, "you win," altogether now, just like on sex night.
"Sassy, Fat, Black Nurse, this fall only on FOX!"
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Comments (11)
i normally dont get to watch desperate housewives because im at work. but this week i was home and got to watch it, and i must say that it makes reading your recaps twice as hilarious!
and screw the writers for making us wait.
1 of 11 | Posted by aman | Posted on December 5, 2007 10:35 AM
I totally forgot about Andrew leaving home. I just assumed he, Lee and Neil were having a Wizard of Oz party.
2 of 11 | Posted by cutebutstupid | Posted on December 5, 2007 12:16 PM
Oh Fozzie, I not only honestly love you, I'll have your first spawn, and I wont even have an epidural so thrilled will I be to bring more derision to this world. Knife marks, terlet, is that your finger . . . the only wrong note is sticking How do you talk to an angel in my head all recap!@!!
Thank you sooo much for all the annoying laughter I've bestowed on my new office mate, now and forever--and I say forget the writers strike, lets shoot your episodes!!!!
3 of 11 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on December 5, 2007 12:31 PM
I know my husband and I weren't the only people in Tornado Alley laughing out loud and the "preparations for the tornado warning to come!"
We really couldn't take any of the other stuff seriously because we just couldn't stop laughing at the whole storm is coming thing.
4 of 11 | Posted by KutiePie | Posted on December 5, 2007 3:18 PM
He didn't push me down the stairs -- I'm just really klutzy. Luckily my freakishly giant boobs broke my fall.
5 of 11 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on December 5, 2007 3:36 PM
Great recap Fozzie! And thanks for being the only recapper since Season 1 to actually consistently watch and recap every episode of this torturous, but somehow addictive show.
Seriously though, Victor dying? First of all, a mayor with presidential aspirations wouldn't be stupid enough to personally kill his wife's ex-husband (or his wife if he was going after Gabby). Second, it makes for a much better storyline for Gabby to stay married to a Victor after she tried to kill him. Marc Cherry is a dumb shit, honestly I could come up with better storylines.
This ep. definately did not live up to the "BEST EPISODE OF THE SEASON" commercials that ABC ran all week. I really couldn't believe that was it... and I predict the kids aren't dead. Maybe Tom is injured or something, but if there is one thing that is consistent about DH its that they don't take risks in writing. Predictability always wins.
6 of 11 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on December 5, 2007 4:07 PM
Awesome recap(per)!
Ida makes sense for the room temperature "friend", which means Lynette's husband isn't put out of his/our misery... and since it isn't cable (or my dreams), the kids will be okay, too.
The special effects were laughable. Objects fly through the air while trees in the background remain stationary or characters stand without leaning into the wind.
No way even Lynette would leave her kids in that situation to chase after a cat... even with the lovely Mrs. McClusky thrown in.
Oddly loved watching Crazy sucking to her probable doom. (But still love ya, Tina Fey! XOXO)
I will miss your inspired recaps more than the show itself!
7 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 6, 2007 10:59 AM
Meant "sucked", but Freudian works, too.
8 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 6, 2007 11:04 AM
I think this is the first time I've responded to anything related to this show, but I just couldn't pass this opportunity up!
First off, I agree with KutiePie. I live in Indiana, and we have tornadoes/watches/and warnings weekly throughout the summer and other times during the year. What the heck? When was the last time you taped your windows in preparation? haha
Oh...and the fact that the people outside had like 25 minutes to fight and chase cats or whatever while the tornado was RIGHT THERE on their street was also funny.
And "stationary background trees." I noticed that too. Good stuff.
For what it's worth, I say that Victor and the old lady in the basement are dead.
9 of 11 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on December 6, 2007 6:48 PM
Susan, Edie, Lynette, Bree, & Gaby are all alive, so ABC's marketing department is full of shit. Those are the only "main characters" on the show.
I wish Danielle had gotten sucked into the tornado swirl along with Crazy. Now THAT ending would've been worth all of the residuals in the world. And it only took me 2 seconds to think of it. Show me the money!
10 of 11 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on December 8, 2007 9:55 PM
not gonna lie i didnt feel bad for lynette at all...she is a selfish bitch...
POOR CARLOS
11 of 11 | Posted by lbonnerz | Posted on December 22, 2007 1:18 PM