Testimonials

Back on Wisteria Lane Edie is on Gaby's porch when Carlos's accountant shows up and, having never seen either lady, mistakes Edie for Gaby. He gives Edie the papers for the Cayman Island account and tells her that she's just as pretty as Carlos said. Edie corrects him and insists that she's prettier and has a good 8 inches on Carlos's description, in more ways than one. Upstairs Gaby hears a car pulling away and goes to the window to see Edie reading through the papers. Gaby yells at Edie and Edie takes off like the pace car in a drag race, again in more ways than one. Gaby follows Edie to her house as the storm begins to brew violently. Gaby pounds on the door and demands to be let in but Edie warns that she has called the police. Big, black police who will taser Gaby's ass. Gaby stops pounding and Edie feels that she gave up, just before Edie's glass door is broken with a chair and Gaby steps through with a determined "Buffy" look on her face. Gaby chases Edie around the living room trying to snatch the folder. Edie tries to make a deal for 60% of the money, 'cause trips to Sweden aren't cheap, before Gaby attacks her and grabs the folder. Gaby runs outside with Edie average-looking-for-her-age on her heels. When outside the two girl-fight over the folder before it is tossed away in the wind. Gaby begins to scream at the lost fortune as Edie looks off in the horizon frozen with fear, or botox. As Gaby rages, Edie grabs her and points her toward the site of a F5 tornado (the finger of God) rushing toward them. Edie grabs Gaby and pulls her back into the house.

"Holy frijole, it's un tornahdo! Ay caramba!"

Back in Big Ms basement, Tom's throat is closing up from the cat dander, or desire to be released from his torturous like of making mediocre pizza and raising Satan's spawns, so Lynette devises a plan. She takes the cat out of his cage and sneaks him up the stairs while Big M and Ida snore like the three stooges minus Edie's usual "woo woo woo." As Lynette is placing the cat in the closet upstairs, Big M comes upstairs and catches her, causing the cat to wriggle out of Lynette's arms and run away, just like Lynette's first two kids. Lynette insists that she is not going to sit and watch her husband suffocate without taking part in it, and Big M tells Lynette that she won't let Ida wake up to find her cat missing. Lynette pleads with Big M as a friend, but Big M corrects Lynette saying that they are not friends. Lynette only talks to her when she needs something from her, like a safe haven from a storm, or a babysitter, or tips on how to properly freeze a husband's corpse. Lynette tries to disagree but can't come up with an instance where she spoke to Big M without asking for a favor. Suddenly winds blow open the door and the cat runs outside, finally free of the mental and sexual torture inflicted upon him by Ida. Big M runs out to retrieve the cat but Lynette tries to convince her stay inside where it's safe. Big M yells that friends help each other and Lynette eventually runs out after her. Big M is on the ground trying to get the cat out from under a car as debris blows around her. Lynette pulls Miss McCluskey to her feet as big M looks off and sees the tornado bearing down on them. They begin to rush back to the basement but are halted by a falling charcoal grill, and we all know there is no way around a fallen grill, so they retreat into Lynette's house.

"O my God! The grill's dead! It's de-e-e-ad! Why, God? WHY??"

Edie and Gaby close the door and shake, their breasts heaving, bodies glistening with perspiration, expressions of raw sexual energy on their faces, before Edie announces that she has a crawl space. Gaby tells Edie that this isn't the time to talk about her vagina, before Edie grabs Gaby's hand and leads her to hatch. Gaby insists that she is not sharing a crawl space with Edie after Edie threw her money into a tornado, before they hear glass breaking and Gaby pushes Edie into the hole and dives in after her.

Edie honey, you're not putting a lid on those tranny rumors with facial expressions like that.

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Posted in Desperate Housewives by FozzieBare at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)
Last Comment: lbonnerz on Dec 22, 2007 01:18 PM.