Susan tries her best to entice her friends, but each one declines with an excuse. Gaby has to Mexican hat-dance at a political fund raiser for Victor, Bree has to fake morning sickness and Lynette is all cancery. After hanging up with Susan, Bree is gossiping with the ladies about Katherine slapping Dylan and what she overheard at Katherine's house when she stopped by to borrow a recipe (AKA broke in with bolt cutters and night vision goggles). Lynette, Gaby and Bree all come to the brilliant conclusion that Katherine is hiding something and the best way to get the truth from her is with alcohol. Bree pushes for a car battery hooked up to Katherine's nipples, but they opt instead for liquor. Each desperate housewife calls Susan back to tell her they changed their minds and each encourage her to invite that delightful Katherine Mayfair.

"Does this fake baby belly make me look fat?"

Next up we see Lynette's mom, Stella, laboring over a macaroni casserole meant to entice Lynette to eat. It seems that Lynette's chemo is making her too sick to hold down food and the anti-nausea medicine isn't working. When the meal of oil, limp noodles and velveeta doesn't work to bring Lynette around to eating, Stella recommends an old family remedy; chronic. Hash. Mary Jane. Reefer. Ganja. Thai stick. Bud. Herb. Wacky weed. Of course Lynette declines the offer since she's 40, has three kids and has a great big stick up her butt.

Why would she cook Susan's last lyposuction?

Next door Susan is taking out the trash which consists of coffee grounds and Dexatrim packs, when she sees Mike building a baby crib. She tells him that she thinks it's a little too soon to make a crib considering she's only in her first trimester and over the years her uterus has shriveled to the size of a peach pit, but Mike insists. Susan excuses herself when she sees Bree and Agent Dale Cooper pull up next door. As Susan approaches, the two scariest and deadliest residents of Wisteria Lane comment on how it's getting harder and harder to keep Susan at arm's length since she's so insistent on bony hugs lately. Susan must be attempting to stay warm since she weighs 19 pounds. A thin layer of rayon clothing doesn't provide much protection.

Susan walks up and asks Bree for a favor. She's becoming more and more uncomfortable having Adam as her gynecologist since she lives next door to him and has a family of baby birds nesting in her vagina. She wants the name of Bree's OB/GYN, but since Bree is in the midst of a fake pregnancy she has to think quickly on her fake swollen feet. "The Easter bunny. I mean Spiderman. I mean peace in Iraq!" Since she can't come up with a believable name of a doctor who doesn't exist, she proceeds to her phonebook and picks one at random. When she returns she insists that Susan doesn't mention her name since she doesn't want her fire crotch associated with Susan's bramble bush. Susan gushes with girlish, knocked-up glee that she and Bree are going to be sharing a doctor before going in for another elbowy hug. Once again Bree thinks fast and sneezes, warning Susan that she should stay back to avoid a potential cold, or the chance of infecting her loins with avian bird flu.

"The really hard part is when the momma bird comes home to feed them."

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Posted in Desperate Housewives by FozzieBare at 9:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Last Comment: blahblah on Oct 21, 2007 06:28 AM.