We open with Gaby at church attempting to atone for her sins, which includes her glory days as a four-foot super model in New York so there's a lot of blow and limo rides with ZZ Top to confess. While Gaby is listing her sins ("I hit and ran an ice cream truck, I stole candy from several babies, I had impure thoughts 5 trillion times, I molested my underage gardener....") Carlos tracks her down. When you can't find something, it's always in the last place you think to look. Carlos implores Gaby to go with him to the police to confess their muerto, but Gaby won't allow it citing countless instances where people totally got away with something like this with no harmful repercussions whatsoever. Carlos concedes and states that he is going to prey for a miracle. Down by the beach (seriously where is this town??) we see Victor wash up on shore looking like Bruce Davison in X-men.

"Whew! Atleast there wasn't a big storm while I was out there. What? That's next week? Damnit!"

We see a flashback of when Mike injured his shoulder while installing a sex swing for Ida Greenburg. He was prescribed little, white, harmless pills by his doctor for the pain, but in an attempt to gain a personality Mike kept taking the pills after his pain was gone, much like Rose on that very special episode of Golden Girls. Mike was able to keep his addiction a secret from everyone that cared about him, people like Susan, Julie and fat secretaries named Patty who think he's just dreamy, and was only able to share his need for the junk with his dealer. Mike gives his dealer a call and asks for a freebie since he's a little cash poor at the moment, but his dealer, a pre-Med college nerd named Barrett, only deals on a cash up front basis. Mike is also in deep to the Cornell Mafia for previous purchases for which he has yet to pay and is therefore denied his fix.

"A flannel shirt and a vacant stare. Why do you ask? Who is this?"

While Mike is busy conducting his drug deal, Susan is busy watching Julie come home from a date with a skeevy hipster doofus with a van and a soul patch. The dude kind of looks like Trent from Daria. As Julie leans in for her first kiss with a conscious boy, Susan opens the front door and interrupts her. Susan drags Julie inside and informs her that she accidentally happened upon this boy's webpage while Googling "high school boys pierced genitalia" and won't allow Julie to go any farther with him lest she accidentally lets Prince Albert out of his can. Julie tells her mom that she and Snake are just dating, so Susan shouldn't worry until he tries to put a wedding ring on her clitoris, before storming out.

"Does that enormous jaw unhinge by any chance? wink wink."

Meanwhile at the Hodge household, Bree is in bed with Benjamin. When Orson comes in and offers to take him to his crib, Bree informs Orson that she has decided to let Benjamin sleep in bed with them indefinitely because of an article she read about bonding via "the family bed." I thought the whole point of this new baby was to have one she didn't screw up? Orson is opposed to the idea since he only wants to bond with Bree, if you know what I mean. I mean he wants to have sex on her. Bree tells Orson that sex is the last thing on her mind after the rigors of fake childbirth and pretending to have postpartum depression. Orson gives in and crawls into bed comforted by the fact that there will be several unwilling patients unconscious in his dentists chair the next day.

"Honey, you're a dentist. Why does your breath smell like ass?"

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