Testimonials

Lynette is rapidly calling every bar, morgue, halfway house and gin distillery in the tri-state area (Colorado, Florida and Maine) in a desperate attempt to find her missing mother. Tom tries to convince Lynette that her mother is a resourceful woman, considering she once made booze by leaving a bag of oranges under the radiator, and that she'll be fine. Lynette believes him but feels she can't get back to resenting her mother and painful upbringing until she knows that her mother is all right. Tom thinks that Stella is just trying to get attention, much like his wang is trying to get some attention, but Lynette keeps making phone calls. Looks like no one is getting laid on Wisteria Lane tonight, other than the gay couple who are conspicuously absent this entire episode.

"My headscarf and a clown suit. Why? Wait, who is this?"

While Gaby is busy packing and stealing silver at the Mayor's mansion, her Rosario comes in to tell her that the police are there to ask a few questions. Officer Blacqueop and Officer Whytekopp proceed to ask Gaby when she last saw her husband as his office has reported him missing for two days. Gaby tells the cops that the last time she saw Victor was when she told him that she was leaving him and that he seemed distraught enough to possibly drown himself in the bay, for example. They tell Gaby that his boat was found floating in the bay and Gaby tells them that she hopes he wasn't stupid enough to go out and do something stupid, stupidly, like drink and drown himself in a bay. The cops tell Gaby that her theory would be taken into consideration if not for the fact that the boat had been meticulously wiped clean of all fingerprints, even Victor's. Gaby goes on the defense telling the police that they can't possibly believe an ex-model is a suspect, therefore making herself look guiltier than Scott Peterson holding a cleaver.

Shouldn't Gaby have a white maid? Just sayin'.

The next day, Susan answers the door to find a cute, young boy standing on her doorstep. Susan is elated that she finally won a game of Mystery Date before the boy asks to see Mike. The boy introduces himself as Barrett and unbeknownst to Susan he is Mike's dealer coming to collect his debt. Remember the good old days when drug dealers had goons that would break your legs when you didn't pay? Now they all have Myspace pages and acne. It's just not right. Anyway, the boy says that Mike owes him some money for a job they did together and Susan tells him that she will give Mike the message never stopping to question why Mike is working with a preppy douche from the local college. Before the boy can leave, Susan begins to pump the attractive boy for information. She finds out that he is single and pre-Med, so she trots out her best pony and shows him a picture of Julie. After explaining that the picture was not taken with the distortion application on her Mac and that Julie just looks like that, Susan somehow convinces the boy to take Julie out. While chatting up her spinster of a 17 year old daughter, Susan is interrupted when the boy gets a call which happens to be for a drug deal. Susan is blinded by the chance of finally marrying Julie off and getting her out of the house so she doesn't notice that her future son-in-law is a dealer. Susan is enchanted by his good looks, profitable future and entrepreneurial nature so she invites him to come back when Julie is home, and the lights are turned down low so that they can meet.

"Well I've been told I look like a sexier version of Parker Lewis. Wait, who is this?"

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