Testimonials

Orson comes in to the house angry that he has not been able to sleep at night for fear of rolling over and crushing his son. He's been so groggy and disoriented that he misplaced one patient's filling and was just too damn sleepy to molest any of the others. Bree pleads with Orson to give the Family Bed a little more time as she strongly believes it is a good idea. She says that had Andrew been raised in a family bed he may not be so......before Bree can finish, Andrew pops his head up from underneath the table and Orson's crotch and offers to finish the sentence. "So what, Mom? Stupid? Lazy? Short? Gay? Slutty? Double-jointed? Popular with the Ukrainian Navy" Bree tells Andrew that she was going to say angry. And slutty. She feels his anger came from when he was exiled to the nursery as a baby, and not from the years of Martha Stewart-like torture and coaster-Nazi monitoring the years after. Bree dismisses Andrew's questions about what a huge mistake he is and continues to attempt to bend Orson to her will. Orson takes a stand, or would if his erection would allow it, and tells Bree that he is going to sleep in the den that evening since he either needs to get laid or get a good night sleep lest he might attempt to run over another neighbor out of frustration.

"And to think I was going to share my mayonnaise sandwich on white bread with you!?"

Bree stops by the Scavo pizza parlor, that we all forgot existed, to drop off Andrew's cell phone since Andrew works there and we all forgot that as well. While speaking to Tom, Bree begins to ask Tom a few personal questions about how he and Lynette were able to get it on with so many evil children in the house. Tom tells Bree that he and Lynette were creative when the kid's were younger, having sex at their offices during lunch, in parked cars, in Bree's house when they were house-sitting for her, under some trash bags on a junk boat to China. Now that the kids are older, he and Lynette can go back to just doing it on the kitchen table anytime they want. The kids have to learn about sex sooner or later. Bree gets his point and thanks Tom for his input, despite how repulsive it was. Before she can leave, Tom asks her how Orson likes being a dad and Bree tells him that she, Orson and Benjamin are such a happy little family. Andrew raises his head up from beneath the table of Indonesian businessmen when he overhears his mother's omission.

"You put your what in her what, where when? Is that even possible?"

Meanwhile, Mike is doing a little plumbing job for Adam and the two are swapping stories about previous jobs and how most of their previous clients begged for their lives. Adam tells Mike to grab a couple beers while he goes to answer the door. Upon answering the door Adam finds not only the second runner up in the 2007 Tina Fey look-alike contest (Gilbert Gottfried came in first), but the woman is also a previous patient of Adam's who ruined his life in Chicago. Adam tells her to leave but the woman attempts to push her way into the door before Mike comes in to make things awkward and boring. The woman decides to leave since Adam has a guest, but we have a feeling we'll see her again. Adam tells Mike that the woman was an ex-patient with some serious mental problems and asks Mike not to mention the fact that she was there to anyone as it would seriously upset Katherine and if Momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy. Mike agrees since he has his own favor to ask: a prescription for pain pills. Unfortunately since Mike only is a pussy and doesn't have one, a prescription written by a gynecologist would raise some red flags. Mike channels his inner Jewish mother and tells Adam not to worry himself even though Mike is going out of his way to do a favor for Adam. "Don't bothah, I'll probably be dead by Yom Kippur anyway."

"Tracy quit acting so black. Alec Baldwin stop calling me a rude little pig. I'm Tina Fey, bitch!"

At his office, Orson is furiously masturbating while reading the latest copy of Guns and Ammo, when he notifies his secretary to send in his next vict....patient. Bree strides in effecting her best pornography dialogue and tells Orson that she made an appointment to get her captivity filled, if you know what I mean. I mean her vagina with his penis.

"Mrs. Van Dekamp-Pharmacist-Hodge, you're trying to seduce me."

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