Testimonials

Mike comes in the bedroom to find Susan blissfully asleep in bed. When he sits down to take off his pumps, Susan wakes up and tells Mike that she was dreaming that she and him were ponies causing one to wonder who the real addict in the relationship is? Susan mentions that Mike's much younger, male, preppy, Parker Lewis-looking friend stopped by earlier in the day and is coming back tomorrow to pick up the money that Mike owes him. Mike excuses himself to the bathroom and calls Barrett to tell him to never come to his house again, no matter how insecure and therefore easy his stepdaughter may be.

While Edie is browsing the M4M2F personals, she sees the headline about Victor's mysterious disappearance. Edie immediately calls 9-1-1 and leaves an anonymous tip about her suspicions regarding Gaby and Carlos's involvement in the mayor's suspicious absence from his office and several local area strip clubs that he is known to frequent. This twelve second scene gives Edie the honorary award for shortest scene by a semi-regular cast member in any episode this season. Edie can't be here to accept this award but if she were I'm sure she would want to thank her parents for accepting her for who she is and who she decided to be, Dr Goldman, for the amazing things he can do with excess skin, and the good men and women of Sweden for their liberal sexual reassignment surgical laws. Thank you and good night!

"A tiara and a top that cinches my boobs up until they look like a butt. What are you wearing? Wait, who is this?"

Carlos is at Gaby's house pacing like a caged Mexican and pleading with Gaby to go with him to the police to confess. Gaby still doesn't want to give in as her motto is "lie, lie, lie until they corner you with hard evidence" and has been since she was married to Carlos. Carlos keeps pushing the fact that eventually the truth will come out and the courts will be much harder on them then. Considering Carlos was in jail previously he already knows what happens to pretty boys like him there, and obviously can't wait to get back. Gaby finally gives in and says that she will go confess with him, but first they need to have a drink of liquid courage. Gaby goes into her kitchen and pours two shots of Patron but kindly drops a couple sleeping pills in Carlos's since he's been so edgy lately.

Over at Susan's, Barrett is chatting with Julie about dissecting fetal pigs and removing intestines from human cadavers. "That's nothing," Julie replies. "You try holding my mom's neck waddle while Dr. Goldman tightens the knot in the back of her head." Susan is watching from around the corner, so pleased with herself for finally finding her spinster daughter a man. Mike comes in and Susan gushes about her matchmaking ability, telling Mike how well Julie and Barrett are hitting it off. Mike storms into the living room and asks Julie to excuse herself as he has business to discuss which only a middle-aged man and an impressionable college boy can share. When Julie leaves, Mike tosses Barrett money and tells him to leave and never darken his doorstep with his preppy sweaters again. Barrett tells Mike that as far as Julie and Susan know he is just a nice college student and if Mike continues to threaten him, he will be forced to tell Mike's "cute" family what a junky he is.

Back in my day, drug dealers wouldn't be caught dead wearing argyle. They wore fur and shiny suits from Goodwill and walked with a limp, and we liked it!

Mike stands frozen, caught between a rock and Barrett's hard place, before following Barrett into the other room and announcing to Susan that Barrett is a drug dealer. Mike tells Susan that not only is Barrett a drug dealer, but he is Mike's drug dealer. Susan demands that Mike throw Barrett out of the house, but since Mike is a good 8 inches shorter than Barrett and weak from all the hard drugs, Barrett kindly offers to leave of his own volition. Before walking out of the door Barrett drops the bomb that Mike was one of his best customers. After Barrett leaves Julie comes into the kitchen wearing the knee pads and "Eight Isn't Enough" T-shirt Susan bought for her date and asks where Barrett went. Mike and Susan stare at each other awkwardly until Mike dry heaves and has to look away.

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