What is it about a catfight that's so enticing? Is it the raw sexual energy? The chance that a breast may pop out at any moment? The loose change on the ground afterward? Whatever it is, there's nothing quite as exciting as seeing two powerhouse divas go head to head in a dramatic pas de deux, especially when both of them are raging bitches. Which is why this upcoming election is going to be a beautiful site to behold.
Wow, I didn't think Obama would be a biter. And Hilary's a bleeder.
We open with sweaty deliverymen erecting a phallic sculpture on the lawn of a Wisteria Lane resident. Surprisingly it's not Edie's upgraded, post-op, "vaginal" stretching apparatus, it's a sculpture purchased by Neil and Bob....I mean Lee and Bob while on a trip to Finland to visit their artist friend Tom. The gays are pleased with their erection, however the neighborhood ladies are not, but are they ever? The core group, sans Lynette, are critiquing the monstrosity with the help of Katherine and Ms. McCluskey, and trying to decide how to delicately tell their new neighbors that they are the only gay men in the world with no taste. Katherine recommends that they involve the Homo-ners association but is informed that no one accepted the job of president after it drove Mary Alice to blow her brains out. Katherine gladly chooses to run since it will give her a feeling of power and a diversion from brain washing her daughter and sniffing her husband's fingers every night when he comes home from work. Susan tries to convince the group to simply talk to the gays before becoming an angry mob. Miss McCluskey recommends Bree talk to them since she can relate to the gays, considering she has a "son that came flying out of the closet and a husband that's been looking for the doorknob." I. LOVE. YOU! I am SO gonna be her for Halloween.
Bob: Is gay life as exciting as you thought it would be?
Lee: Yea, not so much.
The gaybors come out of the house and are immediately approached by the ladies. As Miss McCluskey swings a chain ready for a rumble, Katherine informs the boys that their sculpture is an eye sore. Susan pipes up, in a feeble attempt to win over the boys who still hate her, and says that her many years of community art college taught her that art is subjective. "Ya see, they wanted me to draw a turtle in a hat for the admissions exam, but I drew a turtle in a sombrero." Katherine dismisses Susan's desperate need for approval, and informs the boys that Wisteria Lane has a traditional look and that angular, sculpted monstrosity forged with pliers and a blowtorch has to go. Susan starts to walk away in shame before realizing that Katherine was talking about the sculpture. Bob says that he had hoped everyone would like the piece but he now hopes that everyone will respect his right to decorate as he sees fit. The boys skip away and Katherine declares that the homo-ners association is being reconvened with her running unopposed as President.
The next morning Bob and Lee are admiring their new erection, before turning the crank to make it spew forth like a beautiful fountain. In fact it is a fountain, as well as a piece of art, and the rain on a tin roof sounds awakes Susan and Mike from their dreams of better people. Susan proceeds outside to plead with the gaybors to turn off the water, without putting on her make-up. After the screams subside, and Lee is pried down from the tree while screaming "el Diablo!" Susan begs them to turn off the noisy fountain. Lee denies her request saying that they need the noise to drown out all of the sounds coming from her house. "You yacking on the phone to your mom, you grunting through your Pilates DVDs, Mike screaming 'dear God, get it off' every morning." Lee and Bob frolic away from Susan as she continues to scream about the sound.
"I'll get you my pretties, and your surprisingly large dog too!"
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Comments (18)
Great recap! Love the trapped in the closet reference. :D
I'm confused. In what world can the entire street get together and decide to start removing property from other people's hosues? Does this actually happen in real life, or is it just Mark Cherry's la-la-land vision of suburbia? I just Wiki'd what a homeowner's association is (I imagine only stick-up-their-asses type of communities have 'em) and it says they have no "police" power. Given that, it would have been really easy for both Lynette and the gays to tell Katherine to shove it! Ugh, this storyline was wayyyyyyy too contrived.
1 of 18 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 1, 2007 9:50 AM
Neil and Bob... very clever!
2 of 18 | Posted by Clair | Posted on November 1, 2007 10:11 AM
Actually...Homeowner's Associations actually have a lot of power over stuff like that. I find it quite hilarious. The neighborhood my parents live in (which is far from a stick up your ass 'hood) makes everyone have the same color trashcan (which they provide) and it has to be at the same spot in the driveway and removed at the same time. You also have to keep your grass a certain height in some neighborhoods. Weird...a little too suburban for me and I LOVE to crack jokes with my dad over it because he calls this one lady the "pool nazi." She's the head of the homeowner's association there...and she's a little too into her job.
3 of 18 | Posted by Two Fives and a Ten | Posted on November 1, 2007 11:51 AM
Luvved the recap! Fozzie, you have the uncanny ability to give a clever recap of a ridiculously dull show. Almost as brilliant as the wonderfully snarky comments were those pictures of Hasselhoff and Hogan!
4 of 18 | Posted by lagitha | Posted on November 1, 2007 12:10 PM
FozzieBare, I love you, I honestly love you!!! I often stand on my lawn admiring my erection too, just knowing it's from my friend Tom in Finland makes it a daily squirt for me! But just in case, I better renew my subscription to Black Inches--you keep reminding me what I've been missing. TG I did become the whore my Mother always wanted me to be!!!
5 of 18 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on November 1, 2007 2:04 PM
Two Fives and a Ten
Man.. I'm originally from the suburbs (and a white-collar, stuffy one at that) so I get the whole "uniformity" thing ...but actually having to consult all the idiots in the neighborhood about what color trashcans should be would drive me crazy.
What happens if someone just flat out refuses to get rid of the statue or tree house??? Does the association have actual power to go and physically remove it ?
6 of 18 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 1, 2007 2:52 PM
In my suburban neighborhood, you have to have HOA approval to do anything to your house...painting, new shutters, landscaping...and if you don't sign your paper and pay your dues to agree to it, then you can't use the neighborhood facilities like the pool, clubhouse, or tennis courts.
7 of 18 | Posted by spreadhead | Posted on November 1, 2007 5:29 PM
California HOA's can be that bad and worse. Often, a few retired busy bodies with one or two axes to grind get on there and assume they can just make up laws that bind. Usually, everyone just ignores them, but sometimes they end up in a little box buried in the community flower bed.
8 of 18 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 1, 2007 9:18 PM
I vote this BEST recap of the week...
9 of 18 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 1, 2007 9:20 PM
Thanks for the comments, guys!
Juddfan, I totally love you now too. Thanks for feeding my sick and desperate constant need for approval.
And Fire@Will, best recap ever in the history of the world? Seriously? That's so sweet. (Yea, I hear what I want to.)
10 of 18 | Posted by fozziebare | Posted on November 1, 2007 10:26 PM
Let me join in the Fozziebare love fest - another awesome recap! The ultimate compliment I can give you is that because of your excellent recaps I'm actually compelled to watch DH again, just so I can fully enjoy your snark.
11 of 18 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on November 2, 2007 3:40 AM
I vote not just best recap of the week, but one of my top tens 4eva!
And fozzie, any time I can feed someone sick and desperate . . . I'm there!!!!
12 of 18 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on November 2, 2007 9:59 AM
First timer, here. Can someone clue me in on Mrs McCluskey's reference to Bree's husband "looking for the door knob". I'm usually pretty savvy, but that confused me. Is it just that he's looking to get out of the house? Thanks, love the recaps.
13 of 18 | Posted by Maremba | Posted on November 2, 2007 10:55 AM
Welcome, Maremba!
McCluskey meant that Orson is trying to find the door knob of the closet door so he can come out of the closet, just like Andrew already has. Implying that he's gay, or bi-curious, or something :)
I love McCluskey. Great recap, btw, Fozzie!
14 of 18 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 2, 2007 11:11 AM
Thanks LoLo. That makes perfect sense, I can't believe I didn't see it; I feel like such a moron.
15 of 18 | Posted by Maremba | Posted on November 2, 2007 11:55 AM
Thanks, LoLo. It makes perfect sense, I can't believe I didn't get it. I feel like a moron. :-(
16 of 18 | Posted by Maremba | Posted on November 2, 2007 11:58 AM
I didn't understand the doorknob reference, either, but was too vain to admit it.
Who knew TV could be so educational?
17 of 18 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 2, 2007 1:47 PM
Fozzie, this is a GREAT recap! I have found this season boring so far, but this episode was actually funny and your recap did it more than justice.
Too many quotables to...quote.
1. "Jesus juice" lol!
2. All of the references to decrepit, aged Susan
3. Carlos trapped in the closet (ah, now his and Edie's hookup finally makes sense)
4. Andrew being a fan of Black Inches (hey, who isn't?)
In the episode, I love that Lynette and Katherine are now rivals. This is a worthy girlfight (unlike with Bree, whose only fighting technique is to try to out-polite Katherine). Team Lynette Kicking Katherine's ass!
Am I the only one who is loving the fact that Lee HATES Susan and is willing to describe his hate in very sarcastic detail? Also, how awesome was it when Katherine actually mentions Susan's too-obvious need for approval? Team New Wisteria Lane Neighbors!
Lastly, I wish Edie knew how to tie a stronger noose.
18 of 18 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 4, 2007 12:52 PM