Meanwhile at Casa De Bang Me, Gaby exits the bathroom wearing sexy lingerie meant to arouse Carlos. Carlos is lying naked in bed, sweating like a paperboy and gripping the sheets trying to think about baseball. He asks Gaby why she insists on taking time to put on outfits that he is just going to rip off with his teeth? Gaby says that they make her feel delicate and feminine right before a knock on the door signals the delivery of her chili cheese fries. As Gaby rushes to the door, John thoughtfully yells to alert Gaby that it's actually him on the other side. Carlos is reluctantly ushered into the closet by Gaby to hide. When Gaby lets John in, he instantly begs Gaby to take him back since his current wife is like Legally Blonde without the law knowledge or catchy musical numbers. Gaby tries to graciously decline his offer and push him out of the door quickly as John rambles on about all the times he did her, the various positions in which he did her and times that Carlos almost caught him doing her. John recounts one particular incident when Carlos came home early, causing John to hide in the closet while Gaby faked an orgasm to get the sweaty man-beast off of her. Gaby shoos John out of the door and tells him to go back to his wife before Carlos comes out of the closet (about time) seething with fiery Latino anger.
Now he walks to the closet. He's close to the closet. He's opening the closet. Then I pull out my gun!
Carlos begins to get dressed so he can rush home to his future hus-tran, while spouting expletives about Gaby's past betrayal. Gaby tries to remind Carlos that her affair with John is in the past, during the hay-day of season one, but Carlos is still angry about the way she mocked and betrayed him during that time. Gaby informs Carlos that John didn't do anything to him that Carlos isn't currently doing to Victor. Carlos refuses to see the similarities until Gaby points out the closet-hiding, affair-having, sneaky afternoon rendezvous boot-knocking similarities. Carlos is left speechless before leaving in a juff.
Back on Wisteria, Lynette approaches Susan for help in campaigning against The Third Reich. Susan stumbles on her words before finally confessing that she is backing Katherine only because of her pro-sleep, anti-fountain agenda. Lynette tries to use her cancer as a guilt trip and Susan nearly falls for it, as long as Lynette will promise to get rid of the fountain and buy her a pony. Lynette says that she can't promise that because her stance is that of personal freedom and wants to allow the fountain to stay and gays to marry. Susan angrily tells Lynette that she can't support anyone that doesn't back her God given right to sleep until noon.
Arrrrr, Matey!
The next day Lynette and Katherine pass each other on the sidewalk, both on their way to campaign for their impending presidency. Lynette looks over her sandwich board and stops ringing her bell long enough to comment on the low-road Katherine is taking by bringing the voters cookies. Katherine calls out Lynette for donning her best cancer scarf to earn the sympathy vote.
Next up we see a montage of Katherine and Lynette pulling out all of the stops to earn their neighbor's votes. We see Katherine changing a fat guy's tire, Lynette cleaning some chick's gutters, Katherine applying pasties to Miss McCluskey for her night job, Lynette shaving Edie's balls, Katherine go-go dancing for Tom, Lynette doing the Charleston for Ida Greenburg, Katherine painting swastikas on synagogues with Bree, and Lynette standing in line for Kelly Clarkson tickets for Lee and Bob.
I know this is a very particular niche market, but here's a picture of a couple gingers rubbing Miss McCluskey feet if any of you are into that kind of thing.
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Comments (18)
Great recap! Love the trapped in the closet reference. :D
I'm confused. In what world can the entire street get together and decide to start removing property from other people's hosues? Does this actually happen in real life, or is it just Mark Cherry's la-la-land vision of suburbia? I just Wiki'd what a homeowner's association is (I imagine only stick-up-their-asses type of communities have 'em) and it says they have no "police" power. Given that, it would have been really easy for both Lynette and the gays to tell Katherine to shove it! Ugh, this storyline was wayyyyyyy too contrived.
1 of 18 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 1, 2007 9:50 AM
Neil and Bob... very clever!
2 of 18 | Posted by Clair | Posted on November 1, 2007 10:11 AM
Actually...Homeowner's Associations actually have a lot of power over stuff like that. I find it quite hilarious. The neighborhood my parents live in (which is far from a stick up your ass 'hood) makes everyone have the same color trashcan (which they provide) and it has to be at the same spot in the driveway and removed at the same time. You also have to keep your grass a certain height in some neighborhoods. Weird...a little too suburban for me and I LOVE to crack jokes with my dad over it because he calls this one lady the "pool nazi." She's the head of the homeowner's association there...and she's a little too into her job.
3 of 18 | Posted by Two Fives and a Ten | Posted on November 1, 2007 11:51 AM
Luvved the recap! Fozzie, you have the uncanny ability to give a clever recap of a ridiculously dull show. Almost as brilliant as the wonderfully snarky comments were those pictures of Hasselhoff and Hogan!
4 of 18 | Posted by lagitha | Posted on November 1, 2007 12:10 PM
FozzieBare, I love you, I honestly love you!!! I often stand on my lawn admiring my erection too, just knowing it's from my friend Tom in Finland makes it a daily squirt for me! But just in case, I better renew my subscription to Black Inches--you keep reminding me what I've been missing. TG I did become the whore my Mother always wanted me to be!!!
5 of 18 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on November 1, 2007 2:04 PM
Two Fives and a Ten
Man.. I'm originally from the suburbs (and a white-collar, stuffy one at that) so I get the whole "uniformity" thing ...but actually having to consult all the idiots in the neighborhood about what color trashcans should be would drive me crazy.
What happens if someone just flat out refuses to get rid of the statue or tree house??? Does the association have actual power to go and physically remove it ?
6 of 18 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 1, 2007 2:52 PM
In my suburban neighborhood, you have to have HOA approval to do anything to your house...painting, new shutters, landscaping...and if you don't sign your paper and pay your dues to agree to it, then you can't use the neighborhood facilities like the pool, clubhouse, or tennis courts.
7 of 18 | Posted by spreadhead | Posted on November 1, 2007 5:29 PM
California HOA's can be that bad and worse. Often, a few retired busy bodies with one or two axes to grind get on there and assume they can just make up laws that bind. Usually, everyone just ignores them, but sometimes they end up in a little box buried in the community flower bed.
8 of 18 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 1, 2007 9:18 PM
I vote this BEST recap of the week...
9 of 18 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 1, 2007 9:20 PM
Thanks for the comments, guys!
Juddfan, I totally love you now too. Thanks for feeding my sick and desperate constant need for approval.
And Fire@Will, best recap ever in the history of the world? Seriously? That's so sweet. (Yea, I hear what I want to.)
10 of 18 | Posted by fozziebare | Posted on November 1, 2007 10:26 PM
Let me join in the Fozziebare love fest - another awesome recap! The ultimate compliment I can give you is that because of your excellent recaps I'm actually compelled to watch DH again, just so I can fully enjoy your snark.
11 of 18 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on November 2, 2007 3:40 AM
I vote not just best recap of the week, but one of my top tens 4eva!
And fozzie, any time I can feed someone sick and desperate . . . I'm there!!!!
12 of 18 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on November 2, 2007 9:59 AM
First timer, here. Can someone clue me in on Mrs McCluskey's reference to Bree's husband "looking for the door knob". I'm usually pretty savvy, but that confused me. Is it just that he's looking to get out of the house? Thanks, love the recaps.
13 of 18 | Posted by Maremba | Posted on November 2, 2007 10:55 AM
Welcome, Maremba!
McCluskey meant that Orson is trying to find the door knob of the closet door so he can come out of the closet, just like Andrew already has. Implying that he's gay, or bi-curious, or something :)
I love McCluskey. Great recap, btw, Fozzie!
14 of 18 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 2, 2007 11:11 AM
Thanks LoLo. That makes perfect sense, I can't believe I didn't see it; I feel like such a moron.
15 of 18 | Posted by Maremba | Posted on November 2, 2007 11:55 AM
Thanks, LoLo. It makes perfect sense, I can't believe I didn't get it. I feel like a moron. :-(
16 of 18 | Posted by Maremba | Posted on November 2, 2007 11:58 AM
I didn't understand the doorknob reference, either, but was too vain to admit it.
Who knew TV could be so educational?
17 of 18 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 2, 2007 1:47 PM
Fozzie, this is a GREAT recap! I have found this season boring so far, but this episode was actually funny and your recap did it more than justice.
Too many quotables to...quote.
1. "Jesus juice" lol!
2. All of the references to decrepit, aged Susan
3. Carlos trapped in the closet (ah, now his and Edie's hookup finally makes sense)
4. Andrew being a fan of Black Inches (hey, who isn't?)
In the episode, I love that Lynette and Katherine are now rivals. This is a worthy girlfight (unlike with Bree, whose only fighting technique is to try to out-polite Katherine). Team Lynette Kicking Katherine's ass!
Am I the only one who is loving the fact that Lee HATES Susan and is willing to describe his hate in very sarcastic detail? Also, how awesome was it when Katherine actually mentions Susan's too-obvious need for approval? Team New Wisteria Lane Neighbors!
Lastly, I wish Edie knew how to tie a stronger noose.
18 of 18 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 4, 2007 12:52 PM