Katherine brings her husband a glass of champagne to help her celebrate her victory over that cancer-bitch. Adam declines the beverage saying that he's not feeling very celebratory since Katherine's win was just another move in a long line of ways for her to have total control over everything around her, including him. Katherine reminds Adam that horrible things can happen when you lose control, just like they did in Chicago, obviously referencing the time he got kicky while touring Mrs. O'Leary's barn. Adam reminds Katherine that he also learned in Chicago that when the chips are down, it's good to have friends, and Katherine hasn't been making any lately.
Danielle is packing up to leave while Phyllis pouts on her platic-covered sofa. Bree tells Phyllis that a girl willing to trade her daughter for a convertible obviously isn't ready for motherhood. Phyllis has faith that Danielle would have changed once the baby came, since Bree's maternal instincts kicked in after she had children, or at least they're bound to some day. Phyllis begins to ramble on about all of the things she's lost through the years: her youth, her beauty, her son, her family, and her film career. Before leaving, Bree has a sudden change of heart and invites Phyllis to baby-sit when Bree and Agent Cooper go to their whites-only country club on Saturdays. She says they will simply tell the neighbors that Phyllis went broke and needed the money just so they can keep up the charade.
"O, bother. I was going to teach Danielle how to eat a quart of ice cream and fall asleep on the couch while the dog licks her sweaty feet. It's kind of my thing."
Carlos shows up at Gaby's house with a serious expression on his ruggedly handsome face. He tells Gaby that it's time for them to end their affair, and ditch their respective men. He recommends that they bite the bullet, leave Victor and Edie and after a proper period of mourning, publicly rekindle their relationship. Gaby doesn't want to go the industry standard 6 months without their prison-rape fantasy nights, but Carlos says that he needs to feel he's done the right thing. Gaby realizes she's having an affair with an honest man and accepts his offer, taking in one last kiss before their long dry spell. As they dry hump, the private dick in the bushes snaps pictures with his night vision camera, while holding a jar of Vicks Vap-O-Rub and a copy of Guns and Ammo.
Susan comes over to Lynette's house to make nice for pulling a Judas at the election, offering to chain herself to the tree if anyone tries to touch it. Edie spills the real reason behind her love of the kid's cage, besides watching them dance when they touch the electric fence. She tells Susan that it's the one place her kids can go where they don't hear about body scans, or white blood cells, or Daddy screaming the safety word when Mommy loses herself in the moment. As Susan and Lynette hug, Katherine walks over to put a damper on the festivities. Before Lynette can cut her down to size, Katherine tells Lynette that she's not going to come after anything in Lynette's yard except the occasional newspaper really early in the morning. Katherine tells Lynette that she sees how much the tree house means to her and just wants to be a good neighbor. Lynette goes all Lynette and tells Katherine that she's a confusing exercise in dichotomies, being a raging bitch one moment and a sweetheart the next. Lynette finds her complicated, and Katherine agrees saying that she's had a very complicated life.
"Susan, honey, you're cheekbone's digging into my skin. Seriously, OW!"
Edie is seen telling a stranger how the pain isn't the worst part of being betrayed, it's the hate. And the syphilis. The man to whom Edie is confiding is none other than the private dick that Gaby and Carlos thought Victor had hired. And he's black.
"Seriously, if I could just get my check and get the hell out of here. Black folks don't do well on this street."
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Comments (18)
Great recap! Love the trapped in the closet reference. :D
I'm confused. In what world can the entire street get together and decide to start removing property from other people's hosues? Does this actually happen in real life, or is it just Mark Cherry's la-la-land vision of suburbia? I just Wiki'd what a homeowner's association is (I imagine only stick-up-their-asses type of communities have 'em) and it says they have no "police" power. Given that, it would have been really easy for both Lynette and the gays to tell Katherine to shove it! Ugh, this storyline was wayyyyyyy too contrived.
1 of 18 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 1, 2007 9:50 AM
Neil and Bob... very clever!
2 of 18 | Posted by Clair | Posted on November 1, 2007 10:11 AM
Actually...Homeowner's Associations actually have a lot of power over stuff like that. I find it quite hilarious. The neighborhood my parents live in (which is far from a stick up your ass 'hood) makes everyone have the same color trashcan (which they provide) and it has to be at the same spot in the driveway and removed at the same time. You also have to keep your grass a certain height in some neighborhoods. Weird...a little too suburban for me and I LOVE to crack jokes with my dad over it because he calls this one lady the "pool nazi." She's the head of the homeowner's association there...and she's a little too into her job.
3 of 18 | Posted by Two Fives and a Ten | Posted on November 1, 2007 11:51 AM
Luvved the recap! Fozzie, you have the uncanny ability to give a clever recap of a ridiculously dull show. Almost as brilliant as the wonderfully snarky comments were those pictures of Hasselhoff and Hogan!
4 of 18 | Posted by lagitha | Posted on November 1, 2007 12:10 PM
FozzieBare, I love you, I honestly love you!!! I often stand on my lawn admiring my erection too, just knowing it's from my friend Tom in Finland makes it a daily squirt for me! But just in case, I better renew my subscription to Black Inches--you keep reminding me what I've been missing. TG I did become the whore my Mother always wanted me to be!!!
5 of 18 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on November 1, 2007 2:04 PM
Two Fives and a Ten
Man.. I'm originally from the suburbs (and a white-collar, stuffy one at that) so I get the whole "uniformity" thing ...but actually having to consult all the idiots in the neighborhood about what color trashcans should be would drive me crazy.
What happens if someone just flat out refuses to get rid of the statue or tree house??? Does the association have actual power to go and physically remove it ?
6 of 18 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 1, 2007 2:52 PM
In my suburban neighborhood, you have to have HOA approval to do anything to your house...painting, new shutters, landscaping...and if you don't sign your paper and pay your dues to agree to it, then you can't use the neighborhood facilities like the pool, clubhouse, or tennis courts.
7 of 18 | Posted by spreadhead | Posted on November 1, 2007 5:29 PM
California HOA's can be that bad and worse. Often, a few retired busy bodies with one or two axes to grind get on there and assume they can just make up laws that bind. Usually, everyone just ignores them, but sometimes they end up in a little box buried in the community flower bed.
8 of 18 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 1, 2007 9:18 PM
I vote this BEST recap of the week...
9 of 18 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 1, 2007 9:20 PM
Thanks for the comments, guys!
Juddfan, I totally love you now too. Thanks for feeding my sick and desperate constant need for approval.
And Fire@Will, best recap ever in the history of the world? Seriously? That's so sweet. (Yea, I hear what I want to.)
10 of 18 | Posted by fozziebare | Posted on November 1, 2007 10:26 PM
Let me join in the Fozziebare love fest - another awesome recap! The ultimate compliment I can give you is that because of your excellent recaps I'm actually compelled to watch DH again, just so I can fully enjoy your snark.
11 of 18 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on November 2, 2007 3:40 AM
I vote not just best recap of the week, but one of my top tens 4eva!
And fozzie, any time I can feed someone sick and desperate . . . I'm there!!!!
12 of 18 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on November 2, 2007 9:59 AM
First timer, here. Can someone clue me in on Mrs McCluskey's reference to Bree's husband "looking for the door knob". I'm usually pretty savvy, but that confused me. Is it just that he's looking to get out of the house? Thanks, love the recaps.
13 of 18 | Posted by Maremba | Posted on November 2, 2007 10:55 AM
Welcome, Maremba!
McCluskey meant that Orson is trying to find the door knob of the closet door so he can come out of the closet, just like Andrew already has. Implying that he's gay, or bi-curious, or something :)
I love McCluskey. Great recap, btw, Fozzie!
14 of 18 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 2, 2007 11:11 AM
Thanks LoLo. That makes perfect sense, I can't believe I didn't see it; I feel like such a moron.
15 of 18 | Posted by Maremba | Posted on November 2, 2007 11:55 AM
Thanks, LoLo. It makes perfect sense, I can't believe I didn't get it. I feel like a moron. :-(
16 of 18 | Posted by Maremba | Posted on November 2, 2007 11:58 AM
I didn't understand the doorknob reference, either, but was too vain to admit it.
Who knew TV could be so educational?
17 of 18 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 2, 2007 1:47 PM
Fozzie, this is a GREAT recap! I have found this season boring so far, but this episode was actually funny and your recap did it more than justice.
Too many quotables to...quote.
1. "Jesus juice" lol!
2. All of the references to decrepit, aged Susan
3. Carlos trapped in the closet (ah, now his and Edie's hookup finally makes sense)
4. Andrew being a fan of Black Inches (hey, who isn't?)
In the episode, I love that Lynette and Katherine are now rivals. This is a worthy girlfight (unlike with Bree, whose only fighting technique is to try to out-polite Katherine). Team Lynette Kicking Katherine's ass!
Am I the only one who is loving the fact that Lee HATES Susan and is willing to describe his hate in very sarcastic detail? Also, how awesome was it when Katherine actually mentions Susan's too-obvious need for approval? Team New Wisteria Lane Neighbors!
Lastly, I wish Edie knew how to tie a stronger noose.
18 of 18 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 4, 2007 12:52 PM