She confesses that she misses her son. Rikki says she doesn't mind if she has a kid, she's ready to settle down (ha!), and relief spreads across Barfly's face like a spilled shot of tequila. Vikki does say that she's glad 'Bekah told them before someone else did, so this was actually a smart move on Barfly's part (plus she got some free alone time with the Ikkis to bond!)

BekahRelieved121808.JPG
...ahhhhh, Rug Rat Relief!...

After all this deep dark drama and political gay-bashing, the Twinz decide it's time to lighten things up by visiting with Toe-Breath Coop! He can't stop looking at their feet. I'm wondering if Coop masturbates by sucking his own toes. Ew...

CoopLovesToes121808.JPG
...hammer-toes give Coop a hard-on!...

Vikki tells him they feel like he's not really trying to get to know them at all. Toe-Breath says he just wanted them to be in a good mood when they came to visit him. Vikki asks him what kind of girls he goes for, and what he's like with them. Coop says he's real "silly" once you get to know him. "Well, we wanna get to know you, like, now, so can you start being silly for us?" prompts Vikki. Toe-Breath thinks for a moment... and then...

CoopFarts121808.JPG
...he detonates a boombie!...

Yes, you read that correctly! Coop thinks when girls ask him to be "silly" that he should assault them with poo-scented clouds of methane from his anus. And beer farts are the worst! This one isn't so much of a great big fruity trumpet blast as it is a low mournful basso tuba toot. Someone should have let Toe-Breath in on the fact that Farting In Front Of Your Significant Other is a privilege that is not achieved until several months (or even years) of being together. (Sometimes the BF and I will have wars to see who can drive the other one out of the room first. Everybody loses.) It's not something you do on a first or second date (although I'd bet money that Chub-In-Training Scott does!)

Gagging and fleeing for breathable air, the Twins hastily say "It was nice talking to you!" and scamper away. Coop looks like he knows he screwed the pooch (without even marrying it) and says "I don't usually get nervous around beautiful women but... oh mah Gah... I was at a loss for words!" Luckily your ass wasn't, Toe-Breath!

Finally it's time for Elimination! Four people are going to be sent home tonight, and the Ikkis are deliberating (a moment of foreshadowing appears when they mention how much they like Club Kid Josh and that they "really don't know if he could do any wrong.") Dude Jen is worried again and thinks there's a 90% chance she's going home. Well, maybe if you weren't such a raging bitch to everyone all the time you wouldn't have to be so worried, Dude! Of course, we all know by now that this means she's staying.

Wearing their best silver-sequined mini-dresses, Rix'N'Vix meeting the Ikkitestants in the Elimination Theatre to let them all know they'll be passing out keys to everyone who still has a Shot At Love. Keys are handed to Barfly 'Bekah, Gnarly Trevor, BullNicky (how is she even still on this show?... she's had zero face-time with the Ikks!... ah well, they need a token Real Lesbian to keep things legit, I guess), Boring Elise, Big Ball Paul, Vanilla Kali, 'Roid-Ragin' Matt, Dude Jen (I called it!), Chub-In-Training Scott, and Club Kid Josh... who looks like he knows he skated by just barely (until the Twinz find out he let the Stripperista taste his saliva).

Vikki says she can't wait for them to have their first kiss! Club Kid smiles and turns to go back to his seat, but Vikki calls him back and says she wants that kiss NOW!...

JoshKissVikki121808.jpg
...aaaaand he proceeds to suck half her face off...

Poor Vix, you don't know what that funny taste on his lips is. I'll fill you in: it's Stripper-Thong™. Oh well, there are seven Ikkitestants, and only three keys left! They bring up the remaining girls that consist of Black Eye Xoe, Stripperista RoseMarie... and Drag Queen Kandi! They don't keep her up there long before sending Black Eye back with a key, which leaves Stripperista and the Drag Queen... and the key goes to Stripperista, which means Drag Queen Kandi is out!

Double Shot At Love: New Definitions Of "Hooking Up" Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7  |  8  |  9  |  10  |  11 

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Comments (14)

goosegg1001:

Your tree is fabulous! Especially with the Barbie topper.

I wish we got to see more of Kandi, she had to have done something!!

And wow, I think I hate each and every one of the boys.

I enjoyed your paragraph about how stupid the argument is that being gay is a choice. Im not gay, but I think its plain to see that its not a whole bundle of fun coming out.

Great recap J-mo. Happy holidays!

itchy:

Only on page two so far, but have to jump in before it leaks out of my brain:

"and you just know that in Scott's mind he looks just like Matt!..."

to which I reply: and you just know that in MATT's mind, he looks just like Scott!

Also, it's pretty easy to tell the twins apart: one has bigger tits and straighter nose (possible surgical intervention).

Although I don't know which one that is, nor do I care.

itchy:

Great recap, J-mo...laughed the whole way through!

In the disco-club guy's defense, initially he seemed to not all that into it, then it looked like Stripparella was giving him a handjob...at which point he could legitimately plead an insanity defense, since it's unlikely he knew what was going on at that point in time.

Didn't they say that next week they're eliminating FIVE people? I thought Tila Tequila's shows had the smallest production budgets ever...I think we're hitting a new record here.

shantigal:

I love your Barbie Angel, well I love Barbie in general. And a disco tree? Awesome. I still have my 1978 Disco Christmas album by the Sal Soul Orchestra-you must get it.

My sides hurt a little from laughing. If you weren't so darn creative, you could knock off a paragraph or two by eliminating those trade mark symbols. Have a wonderful Holiday, peace.

fire@will:

Merry Happy, J-Mo!

I don't mind the long recaps - I save time by not watching the show.

I suspect Kandi was edited out after her tragic accident, either out of compassion or advice from the legal department (you decide).

All the men sound like losers.

I've been single and married (twice - to different women). The best argument FOR gay marriage is "why shouldn't THEY have to suffer, too"? (I'm just saying - be careful what you wish for!)

BTW - Your tree is MUCH nicer than the one I drew on the wall of my condo!

kizarny:

Your tree is gorgeous! Merry Christmas

yentapatrol:

J-mo Darling,
Reading your recap was a wonderful treat in the middle of this horrible blizzard. And I totally loved the video of your tree. I so wish Bravo would do a "Life of J-Mo" reality show.

It would be so awesome if you covered the Ru-Paul show. Just a thought : )

Hugs for the new year and prayers that prop 8 gets shot down!!

Yenta

aman:

I was watching the show today and I think the Vikki looks like Haylie Duff! I mean, they both look like Haylie since they are twins, but Vikki more so.

Also, when Stripperella was yelling on the table and Xoe, my sister and I debated what she was saying...skank-boss? skank-bot? skank-box? No matter what it was, they are all potentially hilarious insults.

Love you J-Mo!

DrJerkass:

J-Mo, that's one of the gayest Christmas trees I've ever seen (that's a total compliment).

I'm glad you're back recapping because even a clapfest like this show sounds better when you tear holes thru it.

Merry Christmas everyone!

J-Mo:

goosegg1001... Awww, thanks for the tree compliments! I agree, Barbie always makes everything better! It's too bad she can't make there be more Kandi footage, and I agree, the boys are all a bunch of tools. Happy Holidays!

itchy... thanks as always for sticking with me, glad you got some chuckles! It's funny that you mention Stripperista giving Club Kid Josh a handjob, because later on I could see HIS hand underneath the blankie suspiciously close to her crotch area, and there was some back-and-forth motion going there, too, made me wonder if he was letting his fingers do the walking...? Plus, I must have missed the "five people elimination" thing, but I wouldn't be shocked, there are just way too many assholes to keep around, and not enough lovemates!

shantigal... Ooooh, I looooove the Sal-Soul Orchestra, "Runaway" is one of my favoritest songs of all time! I will look for that disco record for sure! Have a lovely Holiday™! :)

fire@will... Joyful Mirthies! Glad to help out by watching and regurgitating for you guys (as always). You are correct, MTV's editors decided to edit out Kandice's more crazy actions out of respect to her family, but her mom went on record saying she wanted all of it to be shown, because that's how Kandice was. Now I'm all curious and I wish we could see whatever it was that got her kicked off, if only so it would, you know, make sense... and truth be told, I'm not personally in an all-fired hurry to run out and get married, the BF and I have no problems being in love without a piece of paper (and I cracked up at your "Why shouldn't THEY suffer, too?" argument, cuz that's kinda my thinking as well...) but I don't like someone telling me I can't do something for no other reason than they want to be mean, and in my view that's pretty much what Prop 8 and other anti-gay-marriage legislation boils down to (I believe it's not the fact of two guys (or girls) being married that bothers people as much as the idea of two guys (or girls) being married that causes people to get panicky and want to pass laws against something that would not affect them in the slightest). End of rant. Oh, and BTW, my BF and I both had a major giggle over the Xmas tree drawn on your condo wall... if this economy crap keeps up, I might just do that next year instead... love to you!

kizarny... your comment is gorgeous! Thank you and Merry Christmas!

yentapatrol... Whooo, sorry 'bout the blizzard, glad I could keep you company in a limited fashion... I have propositioned Bravo for my own reality TV show (to the point where they now have a restraining order out against me) but so far no dice, but thanks for the promised viewership if it ever DID happen, that's so sweet! And I had considered trying the RuPaul show, but it's on Logo, and hardly anybody watches Logo (even *I* am hard pressed to watch it sometimes) and everybody watches MTV... this way I can usually get more than 2 comments on my recaps! *grin* Happy Hanukkah!

aman... Ooooh, I didn't even think of "skank boss" or "skank-bot"! Or "stank-box" would be good, too! I will keep that in mind, and love to you, too!

DrJerkAss... Why, thank you! Compliment taken! I'm glad you're liking this hot pile of holey poo-stained panties, you're right, it's easy to make fun of, and that's the best Christmas Gift I can possibly give people (except for cash)... Merry Christmas to you, too!

love to all you guys, thanks for taking time to chat!

love, J-Mo :)

waffleboy09:

Great recap J-Mo. This show makes me want to steal a spay and neuter truck and drive to socal right now.
Hey what was up with James Masshat's job title? Is a Boston Wall street sales rep a desperate attempt to make local investment counsolor sound extra classy? What kind of sound financial advice could you expect from this slack jawed mouth breather, and just who would take it?
I picture some nice Bostonian who's been referred to as Sully since the womb saying; "My Wall Street Sales rep is James Masshat, and thanks to him I got completely out of dildos because penises are thurty times better. It's like wicked science." Of course I also picture this guy converting his 401k into a bulk purchase of top ramen.
Anyway it was nice to see Jimbo get the heave-ho and head back to one of the only two states in the country where gay marriage is legal. Sadly they haven't gotten around to those canine marriages yet, which means Masshat and his cocker spaniel will have to keep living in sin.
Anyway keep the great recaps coming and happy holidays

Snootchy Bootches:

J-Mo, I LURRRRVE the tree! Eddie FunkyFingeRoss would call it delish and gorge, but I'll just call it scrump! ;P

I also noticed the movement under the covers around her groin area and thought that he was strumming her guitar. I didn't notice any movement around him though. One question, does anyone really care about any of these douchebags (male and female) on this show? Usually at the beginning I have a couple of people that I think are cool or whatever. Later, of course, I settle into my faves. But this season... eh. I think the only one I kinda like has no shot because he is gay.

Anyway, have a great holiday everyone!

itchy:

No, Snooty, the Shot of Love shows are sort of like fish tanks at a restaurant...you're just supposed to gape at the idiots while waiting for your dinner.

Which is usually in the fish tank.

Of course, some people can get emotionally attached to anything.

pixielated:

waffleboy, I think Masshat's job title just means that he has never figured out that Wall Street is not in Boston.

That Top Ramen idea isn't bad. I mean, it'd probably be a good idea to buy stock in Top Ramen, with the way the economy's going. Maybe Spam, too.

I think there is hope for some of these girls, maybe even the Ikkis themselves, to become lesbians. If I were around that group of guys for long, women would start to look better and better to me.

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