Back over in the Soon-To-Be-STD-Soup-Tureen, the ladies are all smiles and happiness over their (default) win, and the Ikki's declare Barfly 'Bekah to be the "MVP"! Huh? Based on what? Because she's hot? This kind of pisses off the other girls, because Vikki and Rikki both reward her with a great big slobbery smooch. Barfly is pleased with all the "action" she's getting out of the twins, while one of the other girls (Elise) snidely interviews that 'Bekah is "throwing herself" at the twins (like that's a bad thing)!

Suddenly the conversation turns to Drag Queen Kandi and her enormous breasts...

KandiceBoobs121808.JPG
..."Don't mess with Texas breasteses, y'all!"...

Wow, she says they weigh six pounds each! How do you even find that out? Is there a boob scale at the gyno's office? Barfly is kinda patronizing Kandi, saying "You're, like, very deep... you just seem very bold!" Kandi says that comes from being a musician, and launches into an impromptu accapella song...

You know how when someone starts to sing, and they're not very good, and instead of being in the safety of your own living room watching them on American Idol (and making fun of them) you're face to face with the person and you have to try your best to keep from either bursting into cruel cackles of laughter or punching them in the larynx?... Guess which one Dude Jen is thinking about?...

JenHeadache121808.JPG
..."...must... not... punch... out... Drag... Queen..."...

Thankfully, Rikki puts everyone out of their misery by blurting out "No singing!" and shutting her down. Kandi looks like someone did just punch her in the voice box.

Now that everyone is praying for temporary deafness, it's time to bring the guys back in to the mix, which makes Masshole James super-excited, "I hadda fuckin' halfa woody workin'!" Someone should explain to him that half a woody is just a "wo", and is pretty much useless. Much like James. Anyways, before they're all allowed to "move in" to the house, the Ikkis make them all drop their keys in a box, because now they have to earn them...

ChubsInTraining121808.JPG
...and you can start by closing your mouth, Chubbsy...

The Twinsies invite them to come inside, get settled, and they'll meet them in their room later on for a slumber party. How fifth grade! Except people didn't get drunk and have sex with each other during any of the fifth grade sleepovers I went to... and I'm not sure why, but Unemployed Ben seems to be making some kind of obscene gesture, because every time he's on camera now, the producers have blocked out his hands with a pair of blue shot glass graphics that are jiggling up and down, making him look like he's got a pair of big blue boobies...

BensBigBlueBoobies121808.JPG
...I think it'd be more accurate to move them down over his balls...

The Ikkitestants are all amazed by their bedroom, which has one giant bed that they are all supposed to sleep on (hope nobody has critters, cuz that place will be like Disney World for microscopic pets), as well as a stripper pole, and, of course, a bar. Drag Queen Kandi immediately climbs the pole and hangs upside-down from it, because she actually has one in her room at home, and she finds it to be great strength training for the body. Most people would probably choose free weights or a BowFlex, but hey, diff'rent strokes and all that...

Tonight's Homoignorant Portion Of "Double Shot At Love" Is Brought To You By Right Wing Masshole James.

"I've never lived with a bunch of lesbians before. I'm not here to sit back and relax, I'm here to win a game, so, let's make things interesting!", says Masshole James. He's decides the best way to do this is to engage several of the girls in an intelligent and thoughtful debate on their sexuality. "Whatevuh a dildo does fuh you, a guy could do thirdy times bedduh!" (I would agree that he has thirty times the dildo factor of anyone else in the house.) "Whatevuh y'fingers do, a guy could do thirdy times bedduh! End of story!" Naturally, the girls think he's being a giant tool.

Masshole not understand. "I keep gettin' in fights with some of these lesbians, an I can do no mowah than, uh, laugh at the fact that she's stupid..."

JamesStupid121808.JPG
...says the Boston Box'O'Rox...
Double Shot At Love: New Definitions Of "Hooking Up" Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7  |  8  |  9  |  10  |  11 

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Comments (14)

goosegg1001:

Your tree is fabulous! Especially with the Barbie topper.

I wish we got to see more of Kandi, she had to have done something!!

And wow, I think I hate each and every one of the boys.

I enjoyed your paragraph about how stupid the argument is that being gay is a choice. Im not gay, but I think its plain to see that its not a whole bundle of fun coming out.

Great recap J-mo. Happy holidays!

itchy:

Only on page two so far, but have to jump in before it leaks out of my brain:

"and you just know that in Scott's mind he looks just like Matt!..."

to which I reply: and you just know that in MATT's mind, he looks just like Scott!

Also, it's pretty easy to tell the twins apart: one has bigger tits and straighter nose (possible surgical intervention).

Although I don't know which one that is, nor do I care.

itchy:

Great recap, J-mo...laughed the whole way through!

In the disco-club guy's defense, initially he seemed to not all that into it, then it looked like Stripparella was giving him a handjob...at which point he could legitimately plead an insanity defense, since it's unlikely he knew what was going on at that point in time.

Didn't they say that next week they're eliminating FIVE people? I thought Tila Tequila's shows had the smallest production budgets ever...I think we're hitting a new record here.

shantigal:

I love your Barbie Angel, well I love Barbie in general. And a disco tree? Awesome. I still have my 1978 Disco Christmas album by the Sal Soul Orchestra-you must get it.

My sides hurt a little from laughing. If you weren't so darn creative, you could knock off a paragraph or two by eliminating those trade mark symbols. Have a wonderful Holiday, peace.

fire@will:

Merry Happy, J-Mo!

I don't mind the long recaps - I save time by not watching the show.

I suspect Kandi was edited out after her tragic accident, either out of compassion or advice from the legal department (you decide).

All the men sound like losers.

I've been single and married (twice - to different women). The best argument FOR gay marriage is "why shouldn't THEY have to suffer, too"? (I'm just saying - be careful what you wish for!)

BTW - Your tree is MUCH nicer than the one I drew on the wall of my condo!

kizarny:

Your tree is gorgeous! Merry Christmas

yentapatrol:

J-mo Darling,
Reading your recap was a wonderful treat in the middle of this horrible blizzard. And I totally loved the video of your tree. I so wish Bravo would do a "Life of J-Mo" reality show.

It would be so awesome if you covered the Ru-Paul show. Just a thought : )

Hugs for the new year and prayers that prop 8 gets shot down!!

Yenta

aman:

I was watching the show today and I think the Vikki looks like Haylie Duff! I mean, they both look like Haylie since they are twins, but Vikki more so.

Also, when Stripperella was yelling on the table and Xoe, my sister and I debated what she was saying...skank-boss? skank-bot? skank-box? No matter what it was, they are all potentially hilarious insults.

Love you J-Mo!

DrJerkass:

J-Mo, that's one of the gayest Christmas trees I've ever seen (that's a total compliment).

I'm glad you're back recapping because even a clapfest like this show sounds better when you tear holes thru it.

Merry Christmas everyone!

J-Mo:

goosegg1001... Awww, thanks for the tree compliments! I agree, Barbie always makes everything better! It's too bad she can't make there be more Kandi footage, and I agree, the boys are all a bunch of tools. Happy Holidays!

itchy... thanks as always for sticking with me, glad you got some chuckles! It's funny that you mention Stripperista giving Club Kid Josh a handjob, because later on I could see HIS hand underneath the blankie suspiciously close to her crotch area, and there was some back-and-forth motion going there, too, made me wonder if he was letting his fingers do the walking...? Plus, I must have missed the "five people elimination" thing, but I wouldn't be shocked, there are just way too many assholes to keep around, and not enough lovemates!

shantigal... Ooooh, I looooove the Sal-Soul Orchestra, "Runaway" is one of my favoritest songs of all time! I will look for that disco record for sure! Have a lovely Holidayâ„¢! :)

fire@will... Joyful Mirthies! Glad to help out by watching and regurgitating for you guys (as always). You are correct, MTV's editors decided to edit out Kandice's more crazy actions out of respect to her family, but her mom went on record saying she wanted all of it to be shown, because that's how Kandice was. Now I'm all curious and I wish we could see whatever it was that got her kicked off, if only so it would, you know, make sense... and truth be told, I'm not personally in an all-fired hurry to run out and get married, the BF and I have no problems being in love without a piece of paper (and I cracked up at your "Why shouldn't THEY suffer, too?" argument, cuz that's kinda my thinking as well...) but I don't like someone telling me I can't do something for no other reason than they want to be mean, and in my view that's pretty much what Prop 8 and other anti-gay-marriage legislation boils down to (I believe it's not the fact of two guys (or girls) being married that bothers people as much as the idea of two guys (or girls) being married that causes people to get panicky and want to pass laws against something that would not affect them in the slightest). End of rant. Oh, and BTW, my BF and I both had a major giggle over the Xmas tree drawn on your condo wall... if this economy crap keeps up, I might just do that next year instead... love to you!

kizarny... your comment is gorgeous! Thank you and Merry Christmas!

yentapatrol... Whooo, sorry 'bout the blizzard, glad I could keep you company in a limited fashion... I have propositioned Bravo for my own reality TV show (to the point where they now have a restraining order out against me) but so far no dice, but thanks for the promised viewership if it ever DID happen, that's so sweet! And I had considered trying the RuPaul show, but it's on Logo, and hardly anybody watches Logo (even *I* am hard pressed to watch it sometimes) and everybody watches MTV... this way I can usually get more than 2 comments on my recaps! *grin* Happy Hanukkah!

aman... Ooooh, I didn't even think of "skank boss" or "skank-bot"! Or "stank-box" would be good, too! I will keep that in mind, and love to you, too!

DrJerkAss... Why, thank you! Compliment taken! I'm glad you're liking this hot pile of holey poo-stained panties, you're right, it's easy to make fun of, and that's the best Christmas Gift I can possibly give people (except for cash)... Merry Christmas to you, too!

love to all you guys, thanks for taking time to chat!

love, J-Mo :)

waffleboy09:

Great recap J-Mo. This show makes me want to steal a spay and neuter truck and drive to socal right now.
Hey what was up with James Masshat's job title? Is a Boston Wall street sales rep a desperate attempt to make local investment counsolor sound extra classy? What kind of sound financial advice could you expect from this slack jawed mouth breather, and just who would take it?
I picture some nice Bostonian who's been referred to as Sully since the womb saying; "My Wall Street Sales rep is James Masshat, and thanks to him I got completely out of dildos because penises are thurty times better. It's like wicked science." Of course I also picture this guy converting his 401k into a bulk purchase of top ramen.
Anyway it was nice to see Jimbo get the heave-ho and head back to one of the only two states in the country where gay marriage is legal. Sadly they haven't gotten around to those canine marriages yet, which means Masshat and his cocker spaniel will have to keep living in sin.
Anyway keep the great recaps coming and happy holidays

Snootchy Bootches:

J-Mo, I LURRRRVE the tree! Eddie FunkyFingeRoss would call it delish and gorge, but I'll just call it scrump! ;P

I also noticed the movement under the covers around her groin area and thought that he was strumming her guitar. I didn't notice any movement around him though. One question, does anyone really care about any of these douchebags (male and female) on this show? Usually at the beginning I have a couple of people that I think are cool or whatever. Later, of course, I settle into my faves. But this season... eh. I think the only one I kinda like has no shot because he is gay.

Anyway, have a great holiday everyone!

itchy:

No, Snooty, the Shot of Love shows are sort of like fish tanks at a restaurant...you're just supposed to gape at the idiots while waiting for your dinner.

Which is usually in the fish tank.

Of course, some people can get emotionally attached to anything.

pixielated:

waffleboy, I think Masshat's job title just means that he has never figured out that Wall Street is not in Boston.

That Top Ramen idea isn't bad. I mean, it'd probably be a good idea to buy stock in Top Ramen, with the way the economy's going. Maybe Spam, too.

I think there is hope for some of these girls, maybe even the Ikkis themselves, to become lesbians. If I were around that group of guys for long, women would start to look better and better to me.

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