BullNicky ain't afraid to school the Masshole on the error of his thinking, "That's the problem right there! You think you can do it better, but you can't!" You tell him, BullNicky! Stand up for your dykes! Then she sails off into Sapphic FantasyWorld when she continues, "That's why half the guys who get married lose their girls or their wives or whatever to other lesbians!" Huh? Is there a lesbian sex epidemic amongst frustrated wives and girlfriends going on in our nation right now? I think BullNicky's talking some serious wishful thinking out of her aggressive vagina right now, and she's not really getting a clear message across to Masshole James about what really drives sexuality...

Even if she was, it wouldn't matter, because the Masshole is in full drunken rant, "If you use a dildo t'massurbate, then you would like a guy fuckin' you!"...

JamesTheScientist121808.JPG
...not this guy... but some other guy maybe...

Okay, time out. I am a complete and utter stranger to the intimacy of feminine sexual behavior (other than what I've witnessed on video) but even I know that vaginal penetration is not necessarily or automatically a source of sexual pleasure for women. BullNicky gets this part right when she shouts back, "You don't need anything inside to make you have an orgasm!" Go on and testify, girlfriend! *snap* *snap* *snap*

Oh, but Masshole ain't hearing that, and decides to drop some Edumacation on their lezbo-asses... "Hey! Hey! Hey! Two pluz two is four... it's science... guys are bedduh!" He forgot to add a slurred "Q.E.D.!" on the end of that, but he still believes somehow that his point has been made. The girls' reaction is priceless...

XoeAndNickyDumbfounded121808.JPG
...you girls need to bone up on your drunkenese (Massholio Dialect)...

Jesus, what a dickface he is! I take back what I said in the last recap when they digitally inflated your belly, James, and I hope the next reality show you appear on they make you look like a beachball with a head...

Before things can escalate any further, Chub-In-Training Scott comes barging in wearing a pair of stars'n'bars trunks and a low-cut wrestling singlet (!!??!!) and yells "I LOVE LESBIANS!!!!" Sometimes it takes a douche to rescue another douche. I believe he may have saved Masshole James' (and his threatened masculinity) from a serious beat-down at the hands of the ladies. One of the top ten rules in GayDom is: Don't Fuck With The Lesbians. I'm not kidding, either.

The Ikkis are back, and they're wearing lingerie (camisoles and lacy panties, to be exact) and invite everyone to join them at "Club Coyote Ikki", which is the bar located upstairs. It is decorated with a bunch of bras hanging from the ceiling...

BraDecor121808.JPG
...this shit would never fly on "Top Design"...

There's also a mechanical bull to ride, as well as gallons of fermented sugars, and there is no time wasted in getting wasted and doing body shots on the bar. Everyone seems to be having a great time (even Unemployed Ben!) and getting along. This will last for exactly twelve seconds. In the midst of the merriment, Barfly 'Bekah leans in and gives Club Kid Josh a peck on the cheek. Gay Nick spots this and immediately labels her behavior as being "all over Josh". He's highly pissed about it, and doesn't want anyone wasting Rikki and Vikki's time, so he decides to take the Twinz outside and tattle...

NickTattleTale121808.JPG
...manipulative behavior like this is one of the Five Warning Signs Of Homosexuality...

So far Gay Nick has demonstrated up to 37 out of the Five. Once he has the Ikkis comfortably seated, he accuses Barfly 'Bekah and Black Eye Xoe of "trying to hook up with other guys!" Rikki is aghast! She thought 'Bekah was a "full-on lesbian"! Vikki immediately wants details and names, and Gay Nick points his dainty finger in the direction of Club Kid Josh. The Ikkis want to get to the bottom of this manufactured drama, so Vix goes inside to grab Barfly and Black Eye to confront them.

Meanwhile, Rikki's getting more and more upset at the thought that maybe some of the Ikkitestants are there "for the wrong reasons" and muses "How can I trust any of these people?" I hate to point this out, Rix, but you didn't exactly invite a busload of Dominican Nuns to take their Shot At Love with you (though it would have been fabulously kinky if you had!)

MarylNun121808.JPG
...Sister Aloysius has her freaky side, too...
Double Shot At Love: New Definitions Of "Hooking Up" Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7  |  8  |  9  |  10  |  11 

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Comments (14)

goosegg1001:

Your tree is fabulous! Especially with the Barbie topper.

I wish we got to see more of Kandi, she had to have done something!!

And wow, I think I hate each and every one of the boys.

I enjoyed your paragraph about how stupid the argument is that being gay is a choice. Im not gay, but I think its plain to see that its not a whole bundle of fun coming out.

Great recap J-mo. Happy holidays!

itchy:

Only on page two so far, but have to jump in before it leaks out of my brain:

"and you just know that in Scott's mind he looks just like Matt!..."

to which I reply: and you just know that in MATT's mind, he looks just like Scott!

Also, it's pretty easy to tell the twins apart: one has bigger tits and straighter nose (possible surgical intervention).

Although I don't know which one that is, nor do I care.

itchy:

Great recap, J-mo...laughed the whole way through!

In the disco-club guy's defense, initially he seemed to not all that into it, then it looked like Stripparella was giving him a handjob...at which point he could legitimately plead an insanity defense, since it's unlikely he knew what was going on at that point in time.

Didn't they say that next week they're eliminating FIVE people? I thought Tila Tequila's shows had the smallest production budgets ever...I think we're hitting a new record here.

shantigal:

I love your Barbie Angel, well I love Barbie in general. And a disco tree? Awesome. I still have my 1978 Disco Christmas album by the Sal Soul Orchestra-you must get it.

My sides hurt a little from laughing. If you weren't so darn creative, you could knock off a paragraph or two by eliminating those trade mark symbols. Have a wonderful Holiday, peace.

fire@will:

Merry Happy, J-Mo!

I don't mind the long recaps - I save time by not watching the show.

I suspect Kandi was edited out after her tragic accident, either out of compassion or advice from the legal department (you decide).

All the men sound like losers.

I've been single and married (twice - to different women). The best argument FOR gay marriage is "why shouldn't THEY have to suffer, too"? (I'm just saying - be careful what you wish for!)

BTW - Your tree is MUCH nicer than the one I drew on the wall of my condo!

kizarny:

Your tree is gorgeous! Merry Christmas

yentapatrol:

J-mo Darling,
Reading your recap was a wonderful treat in the middle of this horrible blizzard. And I totally loved the video of your tree. I so wish Bravo would do a "Life of J-Mo" reality show.

It would be so awesome if you covered the Ru-Paul show. Just a thought : )

Hugs for the new year and prayers that prop 8 gets shot down!!

Yenta

aman:

I was watching the show today and I think the Vikki looks like Haylie Duff! I mean, they both look like Haylie since they are twins, but Vikki more so.

Also, when Stripperella was yelling on the table and Xoe, my sister and I debated what she was saying...skank-boss? skank-bot? skank-box? No matter what it was, they are all potentially hilarious insults.

Love you J-Mo!

DrJerkass:

J-Mo, that's one of the gayest Christmas trees I've ever seen (that's a total compliment).

I'm glad you're back recapping because even a clapfest like this show sounds better when you tear holes thru it.

Merry Christmas everyone!

J-Mo:

goosegg1001... Awww, thanks for the tree compliments! I agree, Barbie always makes everything better! It's too bad she can't make there be more Kandi footage, and I agree, the boys are all a bunch of tools. Happy Holidays!

itchy... thanks as always for sticking with me, glad you got some chuckles! It's funny that you mention Stripperista giving Club Kid Josh a handjob, because later on I could see HIS hand underneath the blankie suspiciously close to her crotch area, and there was some back-and-forth motion going there, too, made me wonder if he was letting his fingers do the walking...? Plus, I must have missed the "five people elimination" thing, but I wouldn't be shocked, there are just way too many assholes to keep around, and not enough lovemates!

shantigal... Ooooh, I looooove the Sal-Soul Orchestra, "Runaway" is one of my favoritest songs of all time! I will look for that disco record for sure! Have a lovely Holidayâ„¢! :)

fire@will... Joyful Mirthies! Glad to help out by watching and regurgitating for you guys (as always). You are correct, MTV's editors decided to edit out Kandice's more crazy actions out of respect to her family, but her mom went on record saying she wanted all of it to be shown, because that's how Kandice was. Now I'm all curious and I wish we could see whatever it was that got her kicked off, if only so it would, you know, make sense... and truth be told, I'm not personally in an all-fired hurry to run out and get married, the BF and I have no problems being in love without a piece of paper (and I cracked up at your "Why shouldn't THEY suffer, too?" argument, cuz that's kinda my thinking as well...) but I don't like someone telling me I can't do something for no other reason than they want to be mean, and in my view that's pretty much what Prop 8 and other anti-gay-marriage legislation boils down to (I believe it's not the fact of two guys (or girls) being married that bothers people as much as the idea of two guys (or girls) being married that causes people to get panicky and want to pass laws against something that would not affect them in the slightest). End of rant. Oh, and BTW, my BF and I both had a major giggle over the Xmas tree drawn on your condo wall... if this economy crap keeps up, I might just do that next year instead... love to you!

kizarny... your comment is gorgeous! Thank you and Merry Christmas!

yentapatrol... Whooo, sorry 'bout the blizzard, glad I could keep you company in a limited fashion... I have propositioned Bravo for my own reality TV show (to the point where they now have a restraining order out against me) but so far no dice, but thanks for the promised viewership if it ever DID happen, that's so sweet! And I had considered trying the RuPaul show, but it's on Logo, and hardly anybody watches Logo (even *I* am hard pressed to watch it sometimes) and everybody watches MTV... this way I can usually get more than 2 comments on my recaps! *grin* Happy Hanukkah!

aman... Ooooh, I didn't even think of "skank boss" or "skank-bot"! Or "stank-box" would be good, too! I will keep that in mind, and love to you, too!

DrJerkAss... Why, thank you! Compliment taken! I'm glad you're liking this hot pile of holey poo-stained panties, you're right, it's easy to make fun of, and that's the best Christmas Gift I can possibly give people (except for cash)... Merry Christmas to you, too!

love to all you guys, thanks for taking time to chat!

love, J-Mo :)

waffleboy09:

Great recap J-Mo. This show makes me want to steal a spay and neuter truck and drive to socal right now.
Hey what was up with James Masshat's job title? Is a Boston Wall street sales rep a desperate attempt to make local investment counsolor sound extra classy? What kind of sound financial advice could you expect from this slack jawed mouth breather, and just who would take it?
I picture some nice Bostonian who's been referred to as Sully since the womb saying; "My Wall Street Sales rep is James Masshat, and thanks to him I got completely out of dildos because penises are thurty times better. It's like wicked science." Of course I also picture this guy converting his 401k into a bulk purchase of top ramen.
Anyway it was nice to see Jimbo get the heave-ho and head back to one of the only two states in the country where gay marriage is legal. Sadly they haven't gotten around to those canine marriages yet, which means Masshat and his cocker spaniel will have to keep living in sin.
Anyway keep the great recaps coming and happy holidays

Snootchy Bootches:

J-Mo, I LURRRRVE the tree! Eddie FunkyFingeRoss would call it delish and gorge, but I'll just call it scrump! ;P

I also noticed the movement under the covers around her groin area and thought that he was strumming her guitar. I didn't notice any movement around him though. One question, does anyone really care about any of these douchebags (male and female) on this show? Usually at the beginning I have a couple of people that I think are cool or whatever. Later, of course, I settle into my faves. But this season... eh. I think the only one I kinda like has no shot because he is gay.

Anyway, have a great holiday everyone!

itchy:

No, Snooty, the Shot of Love shows are sort of like fish tanks at a restaurant...you're just supposed to gape at the idiots while waiting for your dinner.

Which is usually in the fish tank.

Of course, some people can get emotionally attached to anything.

pixielated:

waffleboy, I think Masshat's job title just means that he has never figured out that Wall Street is not in Boston.

That Top Ramen idea isn't bad. I mean, it'd probably be a good idea to buy stock in Top Ramen, with the way the economy's going. Maybe Spam, too.

I think there is hope for some of these girls, maybe even the Ikkis themselves, to become lesbians. If I were around that group of guys for long, women would start to look better and better to me.

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