The reality of how stupid this little stunt was is slowly becoming apparent to him, "I said one thing, it got blown up and twisted and now the Ikki Twins are mad at me!" Yeah, too bad you did all the blowing and twisting, dumbfuck. Chub-In-Training Scott takes a minute out to let Gay Nick know that he just got pwned by a girl, and that he walked out of the room like a little bitch. Scotty picks up on clues real quick-like, don't he?!?
It's time for everyone to go to sleep (Club Kid Josh mentions something about being excited over "all that testosterone in one bed" and now I'm cutting my eyes at him sideways, too) and he winds up laying down next to Stripperista RoseMarie... who interviews that she just plain "passed out"... but not before wrapping herself around Josh and doing this really disgusting and weird thing where she appears to stick her finger in his mouth, get a load of saliva, and then lick it off...
..."My, Josh, your mouth is really wet for some reason!"...
..."Mmmm, it tastes like spit and vodka!"...
Blech! I mean, I know that when you're kissing someone you get all up in their saliva, but that's totally different that just drinking a the stuff by itself. Anyhow, RoseMarie gives Josh a peck on the cheek... but then before too much longer they are kissing...
..."And no one will eeeeever know!"...
What a pair of dumbshits! It's not like MTV reality shows haven't had night-vision cameras trained on the sleeping quarters in their fabulous mansions for, like, the last eight seasons!!!! Better still is the fact that they are inches away from 17 other people, some of whom think they heard the two of them kissing ('Roid Rager Matt and Gnarly Trevor both mention this and file it away for future use, except Matt forgets about it within three seconds, so really it's only Trev who's gonna have this little incident as ammo).
Ahh, but the next morning (or afternoon, I'm guessing no one bounded out of bed at 6am and started jogging) while all the Ikkitestants are sitting around with puffy eyes and pillow hair, several OTHER people mention having heard "strange noises" in the night, and 'Roid Rager Matt bluntly says he heard people making out, and thinks they should go home. Josh gets a great big "Oh SHIT" look on his face and flees the room. Other people start asking Matt who was making out, but he says he's not going to name names. I'd say that's only because he forgot everybody else's names in the first place...
..."Dere was dis girl! An' she was doing dis thing with dis guy! Or maybe anudder girl! Or maybe dat was me! I dunno..."...
C.I.T. Scott is disturbed by all the smooching going on (that didn't involve him and his penis) and when Stripperista RoseMarie shows up (with a plate of Breakfast Chee-Toes) he bluntly asks her if she was kissing with someone in the bed last night. Rosey is all denials, saying she wishes she had made out last night (natch, the producers immediately cut to the grainy night-vision footage of her wish being granted because she did make out last night!) and suggests that "Maybe there was some gum-chewing..."
Matt says he knows it wasn't gum being chewed, and Chubbsy says he believes whoever was kissing should be eliminated. Like it's up to him. Black Eyed Xoe agrees heartily, which causes Stripperista to suddenly blurt out in her hardened Staten Island Voice™ "I awlso don't think that somebody who's had so many fucking gang-bangs that they keean't remembuh should stay awn the show, either!" and she's glaring at Black Eye! "That's pretty fuckin' skanky!" she finishes. Oooooh, what's this all about?
Rosey explains that apparently Xoe stupidly confided to her she's been involved in so many three-ways that she's unable to recall the names and Social Security numbers of everyone involved. Way to try and draw attention off of yourself by going on the offensive, Ro-Ro, but let's be clear that a three-way is a far cry from a gang-bang.
« Auditiongasm: Christmas Edition Round 1 Group 1 | Main | Don't Drive Drunk And Wear A Condom. Merry Christmas!! »
Comments (14)
Your tree is fabulous! Especially with the Barbie topper.
I wish we got to see more of Kandi, she had to have done something!!
And wow, I think I hate each and every one of the boys.
I enjoyed your paragraph about how stupid the argument is that being gay is a choice. Im not gay, but I think its plain to see that its not a whole bundle of fun coming out.
Great recap J-mo. Happy holidays!
1 of 14 | Posted by goosegg1001 | Posted on December 20, 2008 11:00 PM
Only on page two so far, but have to jump in before it leaks out of my brain:
"and you just know that in Scott's mind he looks just like Matt!..."
to which I reply: and you just know that in MATT's mind, he looks just like Scott!
Also, it's pretty easy to tell the twins apart: one has bigger tits and straighter nose (possible surgical intervention).
Although I don't know which one that is, nor do I care.
2 of 14 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 21, 2008 12:19 AM
Great recap, J-mo...laughed the whole way through!
In the disco-club guy's defense, initially he seemed to not all that into it, then it looked like Stripparella was giving him a handjob...at which point he could legitimately plead an insanity defense, since it's unlikely he knew what was going on at that point in time.
Didn't they say that next week they're eliminating FIVE people? I thought Tila Tequila's shows had the smallest production budgets ever...I think we're hitting a new record here.
3 of 14 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 21, 2008 1:51 AM
I love your Barbie Angel, well I love Barbie in general. And a disco tree? Awesome. I still have my 1978 Disco Christmas album by the Sal Soul Orchestra-you must get it.
My sides hurt a little from laughing. If you weren't so darn creative, you could knock off a paragraph or two by eliminating those trade mark symbols. Have a wonderful Holiday, peace.
4 of 14 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on December 21, 2008 9:18 AM
Merry Happy, J-Mo!
I don't mind the long recaps - I save time by not watching the show.
I suspect Kandi was edited out after her tragic accident, either out of compassion or advice from the legal department (you decide).
All the men sound like losers.
I've been single and married (twice - to different women). The best argument FOR gay marriage is "why shouldn't THEY have to suffer, too"? (I'm just saying - be careful what you wish for!)
BTW - Your tree is MUCH nicer than the one I drew on the wall of my condo!
5 of 14 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 21, 2008 11:16 AM
Your tree is gorgeous! Merry Christmas
6 of 14 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on December 21, 2008 12:36 PM
J-mo Darling,
Reading your recap was a wonderful treat in the middle of this horrible blizzard. And I totally loved the video of your tree. I so wish Bravo would do a "Life of J-Mo" reality show.
It would be so awesome if you covered the Ru-Paul show. Just a thought : )
Hugs for the new year and prayers that prop 8 gets shot down!!
Yenta
7 of 14 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on December 21, 2008 2:27 PM
I was watching the show today and I think the Vikki looks like Haylie Duff! I mean, they both look like Haylie since they are twins, but Vikki more so.
Also, when Stripperella was yelling on the table and Xoe, my sister and I debated what she was saying...skank-boss? skank-bot? skank-box? No matter what it was, they are all potentially hilarious insults.
Love you J-Mo!
8 of 14 | Posted by aman | Posted on December 21, 2008 6:15 PM
J-Mo, that's one of the gayest Christmas trees I've ever seen (that's a total compliment).
I'm glad you're back recapping because even a clapfest like this show sounds better when you tear holes thru it.
Merry Christmas everyone!
9 of 14 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on December 22, 2008 6:17 AM
goosegg1001... Awww, thanks for the tree compliments! I agree, Barbie always makes everything better! It's too bad she can't make there be more Kandi footage, and I agree, the boys are all a bunch of tools. Happy Holidays!
itchy... thanks as always for sticking with me, glad you got some chuckles! It's funny that you mention Stripperista giving Club Kid Josh a handjob, because later on I could see HIS hand underneath the blankie suspiciously close to her crotch area, and there was some back-and-forth motion going there, too, made me wonder if he was letting his fingers do the walking...? Plus, I must have missed the "five people elimination" thing, but I wouldn't be shocked, there are just way too many assholes to keep around, and not enough lovemates!
shantigal... Ooooh, I looooove the Sal-Soul Orchestra, "Runaway" is one of my favoritest songs of all time! I will look for that disco record for sure! Have a lovely Holiday™! :)
fire@will... Joyful Mirthies! Glad to help out by watching and regurgitating for you guys (as always). You are correct, MTV's editors decided to edit out Kandice's more crazy actions out of respect to her family, but her mom went on record saying she wanted all of it to be shown, because that's how Kandice was. Now I'm all curious and I wish we could see whatever it was that got her kicked off, if only so it would, you know, make sense... and truth be told, I'm not personally in an all-fired hurry to run out and get married, the BF and I have no problems being in love without a piece of paper (and I cracked up at your "Why shouldn't THEY suffer, too?" argument, cuz that's kinda my thinking as well...) but I don't like someone telling me I can't do something for no other reason than they want to be mean, and in my view that's pretty much what Prop 8 and other anti-gay-marriage legislation boils down to (I believe it's not the fact of two guys (or girls) being married that bothers people as much as the idea of two guys (or girls) being married that causes people to get panicky and want to pass laws against something that would not affect them in the slightest). End of rant. Oh, and BTW, my BF and I both had a major giggle over the Xmas tree drawn on your condo wall... if this economy crap keeps up, I might just do that next year instead... love to you!
kizarny... your comment is gorgeous! Thank you and Merry Christmas!
yentapatrol... Whooo, sorry 'bout the blizzard, glad I could keep you company in a limited fashion... I have propositioned Bravo for my own reality TV show (to the point where they now have a restraining order out against me) but so far no dice, but thanks for the promised viewership if it ever DID happen, that's so sweet! And I had considered trying the RuPaul show, but it's on Logo, and hardly anybody watches Logo (even *I* am hard pressed to watch it sometimes) and everybody watches MTV... this way I can usually get more than 2 comments on my recaps! *grin* Happy Hanukkah!
aman... Ooooh, I didn't even think of "skank boss" or "skank-bot"! Or "stank-box" would be good, too! I will keep that in mind, and love to you, too!
DrJerkAss... Why, thank you! Compliment taken! I'm glad you're liking this hot pile of holey poo-stained panties, you're right, it's easy to make fun of, and that's the best Christmas Gift I can possibly give people (except for cash)... Merry Christmas to you, too!
love to all you guys, thanks for taking time to chat!
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on December 22, 2008 2:53 PM
Great recap J-Mo. This show makes me want to steal a spay and neuter truck and drive to socal right now.
Hey what was up with James Masshat's job title? Is a Boston Wall street sales rep a desperate attempt to make local investment counsolor sound extra classy? What kind of sound financial advice could you expect from this slack jawed mouth breather, and just who would take it?
I picture some nice Bostonian who's been referred to as Sully since the womb saying; "My Wall Street Sales rep is James Masshat, and thanks to him I got completely out of dildos because penises are thurty times better. It's like wicked science." Of course I also picture this guy converting his 401k into a bulk purchase of top ramen.
Anyway it was nice to see Jimbo get the heave-ho and head back to one of the only two states in the country where gay marriage is legal. Sadly they haven't gotten around to those canine marriages yet, which means Masshat and his cocker spaniel will have to keep living in sin.
Anyway keep the great recaps coming and happy holidays
11 of 14 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on December 22, 2008 10:25 PM
J-Mo, I LURRRRVE the tree! Eddie FunkyFingeRoss would call it delish and gorge, but I'll just call it scrump! ;P
I also noticed the movement under the covers around her groin area and thought that he was strumming her guitar. I didn't notice any movement around him though. One question, does anyone really care about any of these douchebags (male and female) on this show? Usually at the beginning I have a couple of people that I think are cool or whatever. Later, of course, I settle into my faves. But this season... eh. I think the only one I kinda like has no shot because he is gay.
Anyway, have a great holiday everyone!
12 of 14 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 23, 2008 6:05 AM
No, Snooty, the Shot of Love shows are sort of like fish tanks at a restaurant...you're just supposed to gape at the idiots while waiting for your dinner.
Which is usually in the fish tank.
Of course, some people can get emotionally attached to anything.
13 of 14 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 23, 2008 6:53 AM
waffleboy, I think Masshat's job title just means that he has never figured out that Wall Street is not in Boston.
That Top Ramen idea isn't bad. I mean, it'd probably be a good idea to buy stock in Top Ramen, with the way the economy's going. Maybe Spam, too.
I think there is hope for some of these girls, maybe even the Ikkis themselves, to become lesbians. If I were around that group of guys for long, women would start to look better and better to me.
14 of 14 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 23, 2008 1:55 PM