Hilariously, the song now playing in the background is TLC's "Unpretty"! Wow, that's two ancient TLC songs in one show! Chubbsy looks pretty pleased with himself, and I think the true impact of his victory is starting to dawn on the Twinz as Rikki says "Scotty wins, and we're gonna wash all that gross stuff down with some drinks and some... kissing. Hopefully he'll brush his teeth, though!" I wouldn't bet on it.
Everyone else is rushing for the bathroom to wash the vomit out of their mouths, though, while Chub-In-Training swaggers along behind them acting like he's just won the lottery. Gnarly Trevor earns even more of my love as he admits, "It's cool that Scotty did so well... but it also shows that Scotty's just like, you know... gross." LOL, Gnarls! Stripperista also gets in a good one when she tells Chubbsy that he smells like cowshit now. I think that was true before they ate the gross stuff, but whatever.
Rikki's saying that she hopes Scotty realizes how important this date is for him, because while she has a strong connection with him (huh? she does?) he's going to need to try to forge one with Vikki as well or she's gonna want to send him home. I'm hoping he burps up a little lamb brain in her mouth while they're kissing...
OMG the song playing as they begin their date has a lyric that goes "I wanna do you like a porn star if you let it get that far..." (they helpfully tell us that this Date Rape Anthem is called "Porn Star" by Lynam... which is almost "manly" spelled backwards... classy!!) The group sounds eerily like a lame Smash Mouth cover band, and I'll bet Scotty's a superfan.
...hey now, you're a rock-star, get the show on, get... laid...
Chub-In-Training's goal for the date is to "make sure the girls have a really good time... and um, try to kiss them as much as possible!" Well, there goes the 'good time' part. Anyways, Rikki asks him what his family is like, and what they'll think of the Twinz, and he says they'll love them, and that he'll make sure to "take care of them". Rikki says she thinks that Scotty is "showing his boyfriend colors" and she seems to like them. I say his "boyfriend colors" clash with everything in the universe. This guy wants one thing, and one thing only: a great fuck. Preferably one-sided in his favor.
The Rikkster decides to lead Scott to a private area where they start kissing. She interviews that while he started off as a "party guy", lately he's been being a "lot more mature" and she just loves that! Too bad she didn't see him in drag earlier. Actually, it's kind of sad to see how obviously nervous and uncomfortable (and horny) he is, because with every sentence that comes out of Rikki's mouth, he's just parroting it back to her, repeating buzzwords like "serious" and "mature" and "handjob"...
...okay, he didn't say the last word, but you know he's thinking it!...
They start to kiss, and it's quite obvious that Chubbsy is about to slurp half of her face off with that giant gaping fishmouth of his. The harsh lighting isn't doing his craggy complexion any favors, either (I'm betting Rikki wishes it were a lot darker... that way she could pretend he was Josh!) and I'm afraid there's going to be zit-leakage if he's not careful.
Suddenly, out of the darkness comes a terrible shrieking whine! It's Vikki! "Scotteeeeeeee! I'mmm borrrrrrred!" This breaks the mood (honestly, Rikki doesn't really look too disappointed) and Chub-In-Training says he's "gotta be fair" and give Vikki some alone time with him on the tiki bed. Vix is asking him if he can see any kind of romantic connection between them, and offers to kiss him to find out. She starts with a small "pop-kiss" but Scotty quickly moves in for a much heavier kiss, kind of like the ones he was giving that plate of crapfood earlier. He's over the moon and interviews that "it just felt right!"
Vikki sort of agrees, "Kissing Scotty was nice.... until he tried to fuck me!" Suddenly, he's not only kissing her, but he's also pushing her down on her back, positioning his heavy body over hers and grinding his crotch on her. Vikki's still giggling, but it's clear she's not comfortable with this level of passion and semi-rolls him off of her, wondering if Rikki got him "a little too warmed up"...
...nope, I think this is the desired outcome of all Scotty's dates!...
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Comments (17)
Whew! I had forgot just how much had happened in this episode. Maybe the stabbing exercise/game will spawn a new serial killer show, possibly called "Scoxter", where our hero eliminates the ner-do-wells that make bi-sexual skanks cry. We can only hope.
Again, fantastic recap and......I love you J-Mo.
Eks-Oh-Eks-Oh
1 of 17 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on January 10, 2009 11:45 AM
I had to look away when Bukkake boy started kissing. Even I have limits to what I can stand to watch.
This show really makes no sense at all. The whole idea that in order to stay, the contestants have to appeal to BOTH of the girls is just ludicrous.
Although I admit I was laughing out loud through most of this episode.
Partly because now that the ROL Bus is rolling, the snatch o' skanks (TM) on that show make these kids look like rank amateurs.
And yeah, the Ikki twins truly are idiots. I can't believe it--even Tila Tequila seems intelligent next to these airheads.
Although in their defense, they're really just puppets on the show-- it's not like they get to decide anything about these idiot competitions and all the other stupid bullshit this show is about.
But at least WE have J-Mo and his amazingly encyclopedic recaps!
2 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 10, 2009 2:05 PM
I really didn't think what Josh and Stripperista did that first night was that bad (I mean other than gross and skanky). I mean, it's just a dumb TV show, and why did they owe the Ikkis any monogamy? But his lying and reaction to being exposed were bad, bad, bad.
I have been thinking that Xoe and Trevor are the "class" of this group. I'm really hating Rikki right now and hope that somehow she gets stuck with Scott. Or maybe Stripperista is worse.
3 of 17 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on January 10, 2009 2:23 PM
first how did xoe get her nickname? i am skanky ditz and don't remember.
love the references to stand by me. a top seed in my most favorite movies.
j-mo when are you going to have a shot at love show? i would love to be on it, so i could win the prize of getting to give you a pop kiss.
oh right but you wouldn't a good fit for a show like that because you aren't shallow, you aren't skanky, nor are you a superficial egomaniac like our dear ickky twins. but i would still like to give a pop kiss for this fabulous re-cap that you give us.
i want to write a re-cap of your re-cap because there are just some gems throughout and lots of funny writing and screen caps. i just love how you succiently sum up the characters on the show with the just right blend of wit, insight and snark.
(no don't worry. you don't have to check to see if your bunny is boiling. i just think that you are a way talented writer)
i enjoyed your insights and rants on what a load of bullshit this show is. and just how disgustingly vain and superficial the twins are. no more so than how they dealt with xoe's homelife situation with her dad. the ikki twins can fix homaphobia through out the land- just because they are so awesome and beautiful.
i smell a spin off. they can go into homes and get fathers and mothers to accept their gay or lesbian child, welcoming the child with open arms rather than with a shotgun and a shove out the door. happened to a friend of mine. but some, okay all the attention would have to be on the ikki twins or else they probably wouldn't do it. i mean imagine the stress they would be under and as we have seen on a double shot at love. they do not do stress well- it makes them cry.
scott could be their bouncer and yell at anyone who made the ikki twins cry. because that is just not cool with him. that guy is such a mess. i mean what a douche nozzle.
and as for him saying, "I thought it was a great idea for me to dress up as a woman so I could show the Ikki Twins my sensitive side..." i am sorry to say that many hetrosexual males think that is a way to show their sensitive side. Since sensitivity in their minds is a strictly a female trait. A way to show it is to be more female, to tap into their female side. I can dress up like a girl, so I must be sensitive. Still doesn't make much sense to me.
but i can no longer watch this inane bullshit anymore. i watch reality tv, but i have standards. but i will continue to read these recaps because they are damn good and i like the spankings that you give the contestants and the ikki twins. ugh they are just the worse.
i hope we will see you again once the show is over. rock on, recapper j-mo.
oh yeah and i have so gotten the kleenex treatment, but could never sum it up the way you did. i am stealing that, hope its okay.
4 of 17 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on January 10, 2009 5:08 PM
because i made such a small comment last time. i had to make another...
"RoseMarie must have some kind of Pinocchio gene that causes her mustache to grow in faster whenever she lies, because her upper lip looks really furry right now..."
still laughing at this one. j-mo your recaps elevate this show way too much. your recaps make it watch able.
5 of 17 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on January 10, 2009 6:41 PM
I never in my life thought I would find someone who makes Tila Tequila look down to earth! These twins make my stomach turn. I was excited about this show when it first started, but now it just pisses me off when I watch it. How fucking narcissistic can they be?! FFS! I mean, who in their right minds only thinks someone is the "right one" if they also make out with their sister?! In most people's minds, that would be the cause for elimination, not the reason for staying! Are they looking for love or interviewing for their next 3-way porn video? And Rikki is the worst of the two by far. She needs to be sat in a corner and ignored while her roots grow out and her boobs start to sag. The worst hell for her would to be ugly and ignored. I think that is where she should go. Well... the ugly part isn't too far off. These twins have a bit of the butterface, if you ask me.
And J-Mo, you are a genius. Love ya. *mwah* Mean it. (by the way, that was a pop kiss so no worries about tongue!)
6 of 17 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on January 11, 2009 5:49 AM
Can't wait 'til next week. Looks like one of 'em kicks the other. Hoot!
7 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 11, 2009 6:24 AM
J-Mo;
Great recap - again, I didn't have to watch the show! Yay for that!
Josh was cute, but a complete tool. I'm glad he got tattled on and kicked out of Ikki-Land.
"... hope he burps up a little lamb brain in her mouth ..." was CLASSIC! I would have paid money to see that! You DO come up with the funniest shit!
I feel bad that Xoe was eliminated, since she does seem sincere.
All the rest of the Ikkitestants (except maybe for Trevor), in some form or fashion, are losers, but the biggest losers of all are the Ikkis.
Lots O' Love
8 of 17 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on January 11, 2009 8:03 AM
GONG SHOW....just when i think I'm out they suck me right back in! J-Mo your recap was as always brilliant n bang on.
I'm guessing that the producers skipped on the pysch evaluations on this show so they could use that money for the high quality butcher knives they purchased. Purchsed, for a little game I like to call "who's a fucking mental case"..........seriously that was messed up!
Between watching this emmy winning series & What the Rock of Love Bus girls do with test tube shots & thier Hoo-hoo's it's been an exhusting week. Me thinks that Stripperista is gonna get bit in the ass still by her little lies as we know they'l be going to the "tapes" to see what really happened..my guess is she she may also want to invest in a restraining order for her life outside the house, so when Mr. man wants to show her how much he loves her she can show him right back.
Thanks for the fun, cant wait for next weeks emontional scars.....
pop kisses & hugs 2 everyone
9 of 17 | Posted by nubby17 | Posted on January 11, 2009 8:35 AM
reckless_saturn: You summed it up perfectly in your "small comment". I would love to read your recap of the recap. There are just too many gems that deserve accolades.
J-Mo, every week, you manage to keep me/us mezmerized and wanting more, more, more. Your recaps are 1000 times more entertaining than the actual shows. xoxoxo
10 of 17 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on January 11, 2009 12:17 PM
I was upset at first about Xoe going home, but you know what? She's way too good for these white trash twins! I also cringed when I saw the previews for next week's episode: lots of T & A, for sure! I'm glad the Xoe has the disgused blessing of being sent home; it's bad enough her dad is homophobic, but to invite these skanky twins over and watch the mayhem unfold, all for the sake of a tv show, just isn't worth it I think you said it best, j-mo, Xoe will be the one left with the outcome of pissing off her dad and coming out of hte closet. I just don't think it's worth the risk right now. Also, it was pretty clear early on, that these twins have very low iq's, are insecure and selfish. Yes, I know, most attention whores are that way, but I can't find any redeeming qualities. These chicas are not even hot!Lol. But anyways, back to my the point I was trying to make, I don't think they would ever keep around a contestant that didn't want to do want they wanted, especially, not particpating in that family meeting-fiasco that will be next week. Their entire show consists of stupid and disgusting ideas that no sane or self-respecting person would engage in( backstabbing game, eating animal guts game, etc).
11 of 17 | Posted by soft flesh | Posted on January 11, 2009 12:27 PM
"Which one is a bigger dickface, Chubbsy or Club Kid?"
Whoo boy J-Mo, man that's a toughie. Sadly it's reached the point where I have an emotional stake in Scotty being King Douche every week, and if this were a normal week then his no cleaning, bugger mining (and if his nostril had been big enough, that finger would have been scraping the back of his skull), offal eating, indiscriminate tongue kissing, dry humping ass would have won it in a walk. Too bad for me Club Kid Josh took shit weaselery to a Michael Jordan like level by giving a master level class in "deny til you die" that people at Cheating Boyfriend U will be studying for generations to come. What with his "Nothing happend. Nothing, not a thing, nada, el zippo! Okay, one pop kiss, but that was it. Well maybe some tongue kissing, but hey my tongue was at home for the entire time. Ok, she's two weeks pregnant, but it's not my fault; her eggs impaled themselves on my sperm. I love you bi-sexual Hooter twins. I love you lesbian stripper. I mean I love you bisexual Hooter twins. Why is everyone hating on me?!" Really how was Chubbers going to top that? He's just a man (hence the moobs).
So a slight nod to Club Kid, but Chubbys got a couple of episodes to pull it out and take back his crown. You can do it Scott, just be yourself!
It looks likethe Ikkis weren't as bothered as I was by Stripperista taking a ride on the fuckerdoodle train. I guess she missed the day at lesbian school when they went over why that was a bad idea. Also I came away from this episode convinced you can land a commuter jet on Stripper's forehead. J-Mo have have you checked on the noggin on that girl yet? That's not a forehead, that's an eighthead. Oh well, guess fake boobies can cover up for that, a Pancho Villa mustache,and being a little hetero around the edges. God I love this country.
Great recap J-Mo, I'm looking forward to a new low next week. I can't wait to see Chubbys' folks, aka the original king and queen. (Huzzah!)
12 of 17 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on January 11, 2009 9:47 PM
Great recap of another episode I don't have to watch.
Sounds like Xoe was the lucky one - and maybe Trevor is the only truly likable one left (and I include the twins in that).
Guys like Scott (and Josh) are a poor reflection on guys in general. We're not all like that.
13 of 17 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on January 11, 2009 10:45 PM
Ah, waffleboy, I'm afraid your hatred for Scott is going to be put to the test.
Sure, he's been portrayed as a complete douchebag-idiot the whole season. But for some reason everyone else loves him--not in any kind of sexual way, obviously, more like, "look what the strange puppy did this time way." So I smell a rat.
And the preview for next week--I'm referring to the cringeworthy chair dancing thing-- kind of gives us a clue for what's to come.
Because the SOL franchise is offering up YET ANOTHER stereotype of the oafish loudmouth Jersey Jew ...except last season's idiot turned out to be Israeli with a family filled with perverts. Which is not at all the same thing. It's like comparing deep-dish pizza to the real-thing (i.e., Rays in NYC).
So wanna bet that Scott's family turns out to be one of those awesomely lovable mildly dysfunctional super-loud Jewish families where everyone's a bit crazy but completely, entirely welcome and the love just flows on and on? (In between the food and the loud fights over nothing, that is.)
Which of course means the Ikki twins will discover that, all in all, Scotty's just a big lovable son-of-a-gun after all (albeit exceedingly repulsive in every other way)?
"Awwwww....," we'll all say when the episode is over.
Especially in contrast too the other stereotypes they'll be serving up-- like Gnarls' super-uptight uber-Christian family. And BJ-face's trailer park. And Hooters...hooter-family.
Although I admit, in general I hate the 'meet-the-family' episodes --but even more so with this show, since it's quite the show is a just badly scripted mess.
Bring back Gay Nick, I say...I want to see him performing with his band.
14 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 12, 2009 12:19 AM
Darling J-Mo,
I can't believe your recaps are making me feel some attachment for these skankadoodles!! I'm even growing a little fond of Chubbs, except for that little propensity toward date rape...Thanks for the laughs. I swear your recaps are giving me something to look forward to each week.
Hugs,
Yenta
15 of 17 | Posted by Yentapatrol | Posted on January 13, 2009 2:08 PM
Do they pick girls for this show based on their fake-crying abilities? I feel like it is a prerequisite. At least these girls can squeeze out an actual (artificial) tear, as opposed to Ms. Tequila, but man it's getting old.
That being said, I'm starting to feel bad (and I use that phrase in the loosest sense of the world) for Vikki. I feel like the majority of the contestants are already interviewing that they have a better connection with Rikki (not to mention Bekah's "bestie" speech), and this week she forced Vikki to get rid of Xoe, the only girl that clearly likes her more (which Rikki clearly does not approve of). How are Xoe's family issues ANY less understandable than Rosemarie making out with a GUY while there? Hmmmm....methinks it's not. She should have been the one to go. Or Scott....but that's just for my own personal reasons. Possibly likeable family be damned, he is the kind of guy I absolutely cannot stand.
16 of 17 | Posted by andreak1013 | Posted on January 13, 2009 6:41 PM
Hey guys, sorry about being so late in responding to your comments... these new site upgrades haven't been easy on any of us, and I've been fighting to make my way through all the changes, but since I totally live for your comments, I'm gonna answer back... here goes...
shantigal... you are right, this episode was chock full'o'shit to talk about, and I love your "Scoxter" idea! love to you, too!
itchy... I agree with you 100%, the Ikkis are stupid, and I am glad to be able to have the chance to document the minutiae of their dumbassness... thank you!
pixielated... personally, I agree with you, a little making out never hurt anybody, but the canon of this show dictates that Thous Shalt Not Be Attracted To Anyone Other Than Tila/Rikki/Vikki, it is considered a sign of Ultimate Disrespect... of course, lying when you get caught is even worse, which is why I was glad Josh got sent packing... hugs to you!
reckless_saturn_11... Wow, you must type as fast as *I* do! I started calling Xoe "Black Eye" because the first night in the house she had done some really big circles of kohl-shading around her eyes, and looked like she'd been popped a good one by somebody's fist (I wouldn't put it past Scott)... and I wish MTV would give me my own show, too, I'd totally call it "A Spurt Of Love (All Over J-Mo)"... but I'm over age 25, so I don't exist in MTV's eyes... but I'm so pleased you're enjoying my crazed rantings, here's a pop-kiss for ya... *MWAH*...
Snootchy Bootches... I couldn't agree with you more, Rikki is such an attention sponge, she cannot stand to not be the center of attention for more than 2 seconds or she cries... thanks for the kudos, here's a pop-kiss for you, too!... *MWAH*...
arizonatom... you're welcome, I'm always happy to spare people from having to watch this dreck... love to you, too!...
nubby17... I'm so glad you agree, that whole stabby thing was just fucking weird... you're gonna love next week's episode... kissies!...
soft flesh... I think you hit the blonde-nail on the poorly-dyed head... Xoe showed some independent thought, and she paid the price by being sent home... if you really want to be an Ikkitestant, you have to be blindly loyal and do whatever they say... where do I sign up?!? NAWT!!! Huggles!...
waffleboy09... oh honey, all I can say is I love you, your comments make my day, too... love U!...
fire@will... I'm so glad you're standing up for decent guys, cuz none of the fucktards on this show are doing anything but getting drunk and attempting to screw everything... we need guys like you to give us all hope!... Bro-love to you!
Yentapatrol... thanks, I feel the same way about your RHWOOC recaps! Yaysies for these shows keeping us all enteretained!...
andreak1013... it's interesting you point that out, because I completely missed the fact that one by one, all of Vikki's paramours have been sent home, and now she's left with pretty much Trevor (who's divided between her and Rikki) and the blow-up doll to choose from. Nice catch! HEART!
...once again, thank you guys for taking the time to comment, and I apologize up front for the delay in responding, and for the delay in the upcoming recap of this week's show... I had double duty this week (I recapped the premiere of "American Idol") so it's gonna be a couple days before I can hammer out "Double Shot At Love" but I promise it's gonna be goooooood...
love & pop-kisses to all!!!
love, J-Mo :)
17 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on January 16, 2009 9:02 AM