Hello again to my favorite peoples, and Happy Obama Day! I'm so sorry about the delay on this recap, the American Idol show was a bit of a bitch to finish (I love the new software, but I had a few issues) and after all the wackiness over there on FOX I had to pull back and regroup before I could dive back into the pool of MTV sludge infested by Ikkis. Anyhow, you know how when you've just started seeing someone, and you finally take that huge step where you "bring them home to Mom" for the first time? Well, tonight our Ikkitestants take that same exact step and trot out Rix'n'Vix for their families to meet'n'greet...
...and Chub-In-Training gets to live out one of his wettest dreams...
...for realsies, if I had walked in to my family's house with two boobsy blonde bimboes bearing booze, my mom and dad would have probably been overjoyed (right up until the point where I told them I had become a fashion stylist/makeup artist and these two were my latest project). However, on tonight's episode of Double Shot At Love not everyone is going to be so glad to see their child's pornographic fantasies sashaying through their living room, plunking themselves down on the family sofa and introducing themselves as possible (temporary) daughters-in-law. Let's see who comes from which families (Stepford or Stone) after the jump!
After pissing me off all over again by showing the unfair dismissal of Black-Eyed Xoe (who had the poor taste to be born into a family that isn't, like, totally super-cool with buysexual sluttiness like Ma and Pa Ikki are) it's time for the remaining Final Four Fucktoys to grab a shovel and start using it to pack their bags for home. At least that's what Chub-In-Training Scott is using... I bet his "cleaning lady" (a.k.a. "mom") is going to find some nastier surprises than usual when she opens that suitcase to do his laundry.
...I've seen drag-queens with neater luggage...
Ah well, I guess he probably needed an extra suitcase for his collection of Stupid Hats and Lame T-Shirts. Barfly 'Bekah says she can't wait to see her bay-behhhhh and does a weirdly inappropriate titty-shake. She is talking about seeing her son, right? I thought maybe the "bay-behhhhh" she was referring to was her favorite bottle of Johnny Walker at the bar she works at (a happy boob-shimmy would be an appropriate reaction in that case).
The Ikkis interview that "seeing where they're from will really help us make our decision" about who to bring back to the Ikkmansion and then immediately send home again. No, actually, it will give them a chance to offend everybody as much as possible and start familial dramas that will have repercussions for generations (or at least until the families see themselves on MTV).
Their first stop tonight is in Narberth, Pennsylvania, home of Gnarly Trevor, and the Ikkis show up dressed like a pair of mutant bees...
...yup, horizontal stripes still don't do anyone any favors...
Rikki says they're about to meet Gnarly's "conservative parents" (do you get it yet that Trevor's folks are conservative?) and wonders aloud how they're going to react to meeting bisexual twins such as themselves. Cheer up, Rix! Maybe Gnarls' folks are secretly swingers and there'll be a great big orgy later on. Blech.
They meet Gnarly Trev at (where else?) an indoor skate park (which he calls his "domain") and watch him skate back and forth for a bit (while Rikki says how "cute" he looks doing it). Tony Hawk he's not. Still, he's going to teach the Twinz the basics of skating (i.e. "put one foot on the board and push off with the other one") and Vikki's really glad he's there to catch her when she almost falls on her bony butt...
...there's all kinds of gravity there in Pennsylvania...
..."Yeah, I think that's why she kept on falling." snorts Rikki (as Vikki beams). Rikki says that while Vix was really getting into the skating she was there to really get into Trevor, so they leave Vikki doing 360s and head off to a convenient nearby couch. Rikki's telling Gnarly about this dream she had about him where he was with her and then with Vikki and then with her and then with Vikki, and she was getting all mad and jealous in her dream. Under normal circumstances, wouldn't this kind of psychotic revelation send most guys running away screaming in the other direction?...
..."I am not gonna be ignored, Trevor!"...
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Comments (10)
You can't really blame Ro for naming her dog Donkey. After all, she had to have some reminder of her days working in Tijuana. Donkalish!
These twins are vile. I actually hope that Scott ends up with them because they are all oxygen thieves. Maybe then they can make each other miserable instead of ruining some nice person's life. Unfortunately, you KNOW both of them are going to choose Trevor. And then he will choose one of them. La-a-ame.
I don't even think I would bother even watching the rest of this season (including the previous couple of episodes) if I hadn't already paid for the season pass on iTunes.
However, as hideous as the Icky Twins are, J-Mo you are made of The Awesome! Thanks for enduring this rubbish for our entertainment.
1 of 10 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on January 22, 2009 1:35 PM
Ah ain't America wonderful, so many different family stereotypes to chose from. Uptight WASP? Gotcha. Snivelin' white trash? Gotcha. Fightin' mad Italian? Here ya go. Cute n' Funny Jewish? Sure, you want that with mustard?
Well, okay, Chubs family reminds me a bit too much of my mother's side ("Hungarians," as my dad likes to say, "hmmf.").
Although I don't remember any spontaneous horah dancing outside of weddings and bar mitzvahs...my uncles were more into doing that squatting-kicking Cossack dancing thing...and I don't know too many people who actually enjoy drinking Manischevitz.
The twins were obviously dressed by the producers and told exactly what to do -- this wasn't about meeting the families, it was just about making more television.
I'd be hoping that MTV has run the 'shot of love' format into the ground, except I'm too curious too see what group of idiots they can scrape up for the next go round.
2 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 22, 2009 2:07 PM
Living in NYC - the home ground of Stripperista & Chubs - a comment is necessary. Being a stripper on Stateb Island -sad, cold, desperate - and sorta hot.
But the real sad prize goes to the homophobic chubster - this the kind of regular dude who gets a little stoned, drives across the city to some overlit video store/porn shop, & gives good guilty head to middle-aged married men.
Trust me on this.
3 of 10 | Posted by brooklynirish | Posted on January 22, 2009 2:14 PM
J-Mo: unlike this dreadful show, you never disappoint. Thanks!
4 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on January 22, 2009 2:27 PM
HATE the word donkalish for SURE.
Loves me some J-Mo though!
5 of 10 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on January 22, 2009 3:54 PM
J-Mo, crazy boutcha baby, but I just don't have anything to say about these oozing sore infested, trail leavin', porn makin', ass showin', fug twin c-words.
No one can do it better than you. Kisses.
6 of 10 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on January 22, 2009 8:31 PM
I forgot this show was still on. Tila's version was riveting compared to this dreck.
How did such a nice family produced a douche of Scott's size? Enigma.
7 of 10 | Posted by spacevenus | Posted on January 23, 2009 12:00 PM
All I can say is that out of all the 'contestants', I like Xoe and Trevor the best. Both are too good for these stooges however, the twins do make for a wee bit entertaining tv. C'mon, this chicks have no discernable talent, personality, smarts or even looks- unless looking like the poor man's version of the girls next door is an accomplishment. The ikki twins HAVE to hold on to their 15 min of fame by dressing up like video hos and being easy bimbos. So sad, and yet, so funny.
8 of 10 | Posted by Soft flesh | Posted on January 23, 2009 3:41 PM
Great recap J-Mo. You know as a human being with a little bit of pride in his species, I can't wait for this show to be over, but as someone who enjoys quality snark I'm going to get a little misty when it ends.
The most interesting thing about this show is that the weiner dog seemed to be the one most embarrassed by what was going on in that house; it says a lot when the animal that licks its own balls and routinely craps on the rug is holding the moral high ground.
Chub In Training Scott's family was a complete disappointment. I don't believe those happy and well adjusted people could spwan a sewer trout like the Scooter. My money is so on a hospital nursery three card monte game gone horribly wrong.
Scott's posse on the other hand? Totally believable. My first thought when I saw those guys was, "no way their combined sperm count is cracking triple figures."
J-Mo, I know you're bummed that a homophobic meathead like Scott is still one the show, but on the other hand, whoo hoo! The Chubber is going to Vegas! Remember for guys like Scott, Vegas is like Mecca, Graceland, and Candyland all rolled into one. Just imagine the hijinks our little Scotty can get into in a city with liberal slots. I can see Scott causing a drunken scene at the Pai Gao poker table when he questions the dealer's patriotism for not allowing Scott to play American poker. The Chubber screaming, "show us your tits" to vacationing nuns, and of course Scott unleashing his moobs and back acne on yet another state in the union. I've said it once and I'll say it again, there is no ceiling for this guy. And you J-Mo, you get to write all about it. I envy you.
Remember, sharing is caring!
9 of 10 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on January 23, 2009 6:13 PM
Snootchy Bootches... LOL at the "days in Tijuana"! I didn't think about those "especial" kind of shows they have down there, I bet you're totally right one the money. Sorry about your iTunes purchase. Do they at least let you download this show's lame theme song for free? I sure hope so. Thanks for the lovin'!
itchy... You are also right on the money with the family stereotypes... the only ones they were missing were Downtrodden But Spiritual Black Family In The Ghetto, Hardworking Close-Knit Latino Family En El Barrio, and Quietly Studious Asian Family Who Have Their Own Store/Restaurant. I'm guessing the Ikkis refused to go to any of those non-white places. Thanks for the comment!
brooklynirish... can you give me the address of that overlit video store? I really would like to have a blow-job in return for having to watch Chub-In-Training being a giant dickhead to everyone all season. Email me at jman987654@yahoo.com, K? Thanks!
fire@will... you are loved in my house for your kindness, thank you!
Nemesiis... I will lose my shit if anyone ever says "Donkalish" to me in person. Thank you for your lovin'!
shantigal... you are also loved for being sweet as a peach, much thanks to you!
spacevenus... I'm wondering how much family love Scotty's getting since this show has actually been airing and they've been able to see their son be such an asshole to so many people. I think Tila's version almost as bad (this one is doubly bad because we have to deal with TWO self-centred narcissistic porn-queens). Thanks for commenting!
Soft Flesh... I agree with you a zillion percent, I liked Xoe and Trevor doesn't make me want to go scream in a room somewhere like all the other guys do... I hope the Ikkis wind up like those wack-jobs the Barbi Twins, then they can ALSO put out a calendar every year and it will be sold at the 99-cent stores! Thanks for weighing in!
waffleboy09... I giggle every time I see one of your comments, I hope you audition next time it comes around, I think you'd be a fine recapper yourself!
Hey everybody, so sorry for the delay in responding to everyone's comments, things have been nutty round Casa J-Mo, but I'm back on track now.
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on February 2, 2009 9:15 AM