Although, not everyone is so freaked out, as Rosemarie (Lowong Oylund Go-Go Dancer) attests, "The last time I was in a pink, furry box... was about two weeks ago!" *giggle* *snort* Ahhhh, good to know we have a Mistress Of Le Double-Entendré on board! I get it, Rosemarie, although I'd like to think you were in a pink furry box because someone was trying to bury you alive, but alas, I'm sure you mean you were vacuuming a carpet somewhere (two can play this game).
Inside the slightly less witty box is Matt (Waterford NY Personal Trainer) who says he's really "pumped to meet this girl finally... and figure out... who she is..."...
...I'm gonna guess that Matt also has a hard time trying to figure out why his chest tattoos always look upside down to him...
Both the boys and the girls are chanting "LET US OUT! LET US OUT!" as Rikki and Vikki tip-toe around the outsides of the boxes listening to them scream. These people are obviously in severe hunger for love, and only Ikki love will satisfy their cravings. "I GODDA meet dis GIRL arready!" yells Scott (Paramus NJ First Aid Equipment Salesman)...
...Hmmmm, shirtless, pink doo-rag, killer blowjobface?... J-Mo likes him already!...
Rikki is going to do the first meet'n'greet, while Vikki watches via monitor from a tackily decorated upstairs bedroom... and they decide to open the Girls' Box first. As the lesbianas spill out in a wave of estrogen-fueled lust, they are struck dumb by... okay, well, I guess that would be redundant, so let's say they are awestruck instead by Rikki's smoldering (yet vapid) beauty. She explains that she is buysexual and that she's looking for love... but she doesn't know if it's going to be with a penis or a vahjine...
...I really wish she wouldn't gank Janet's sign-language...and I'd advise these kids to take heed of the title of Janet's single...
She gives them all keys, the possession of which must be surrendered if their Shot At Love misses the mark... this prompts the PRL (Possibly Real Lesbian) and NY Mortuary Student (creepy) Bella to gush, "I wuanna hold dis key with my deah LUAIFE!!!"...
...she also hopes to shake the persistent scent of formaldehyde she exudes...
With that, the laydeez burst into the mansion, which has eye-watering amounts of both neon and Ikea furniture... the decor really impresses Texas Model Xoe (pronounced ZOH-ee) who favors lots of kohl eye-shadow (to the point of looking like she's been popped a good one in both eyes) and she just can't get over how the house is "like huge and amazing and, like, all of this cool, just, weird colors everywhere, and, it was awesome!"...
..."Don't hit me, can't you see I've got double shiners already??!"...
Pssst! Xoe! Those "weird colors" are called "tasteless interior decorating" and you can see more of them in the Playland of your local McDonald's. Anyhow, some of the girls discover that there is *gasp* a photo booth in the house and they decide to cram all their hair and tits into it to try and take an awesome gangstaporn picture...
...they're so excited, you'd think they'd never been to a mall and seen one of these before...
With that, it's time to hit the bar and start drinking, because on this show, that's how you bring out the lesbionics and trashy behavior. Chants of "BAH-DEE-SHOTS!! BAH-DEE-SHOTS!!" abound. Smack in the middle of the chorus is a BPRL (Butchy-er Possibly Real Lesbian) and Manhattan Chef whose name (of course) is the androgynous Nicky...
...I know I'm not the only one who has noticed a lot of semi-butch lesbians like to favor Justin Timberlake...
So far, Nicky's the only butch grrrl in da house. Rikki comes out to mingle (where did she go?) and Vikki's watching from upstairs, feeling all jealous that she's not the one down in the middle of VaginaVille, and hoping like mad that Rikki isn't "gonna mess up and let our secret slip!" Welllll, have a little faith, Vikki... I somehow doubt that the term "monozygotic" is going to come up naturally in conversations here... and any mention of "twins" will automatically be assumed as a reference to breasts.
Rikki is super-impressed with these girls' knowledge of how to "party" (i.e. drink their faces off) and decides to take a couple of them aside to get to know them a little better. She chooses Faceless Blonde and Michigan Human Resources Student Kali... and the only black girl, Claudia, who immediately dumps her Shot At Love in the dirt when she reveals to Rikki that she is, in fact, a dominatrix...
...*sigh*... "A Double Shot At Love" doesn't refer to a right-left punch combo, Clauds...
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Comments (14)
So happy you're recapping this trainwreck, J-Mo, it's going to be a hoot!
The best part of this show is it just doesn't matter who is what, they're all well aware that their real job is to get drunk and make asses of themselves for the camera. What fun!
Speaking of stereotypes...why is it that half the cast is from NJ and they're all the biggest idiots?
1 of 14 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 13, 2008 3:06 PM
Yay J-Mo - welcome back!
I think that they are after guys, with the grrls just thrown in for tittilation! Just seems like they favor the dick (of course I DON'T blame them).
And is it just me, or is there something that is wrong about anyone calling a girl "Dude"? Whatever happened to "Bitch" or "Dudette"?
Scott is an ass for wasting food. How Rude! And it wasn't funny - just made him look like a complete jerk-off.
Matt may not be a wonder-boy, but that bod is HOT!
Great recap, as ever. This show will at least be fun with you at the keyboard, even if it is a bit lame at times. But I'll bet the straight guys just love it.
Lots O' Love!
2 of 14 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on December 13, 2008 4:27 PM
Either those two aren't identical twins or one (or both) of them has had enough plastic surgery to make them look different.
3 of 14 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 13, 2008 7:46 PM
J-MO, so glad you're back! I didn't watch the show, but I will read anything that you recap. Always hilarious. OK, done with the recap and now I must go shower.
4 of 14 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on December 14, 2008 12:28 AM
I can't seem to get this show yet though it may show up with my sources a bit delayed. It happens. So I am experiencing it via your recaps!
Is it just me or do the twins look different in their pictures? The noses especially because in the pics the noses are small and cute but they look pretty big on the show. They are way cuter in their pictures. They must use Mariah Carey's retoucher!
5 of 14 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 14, 2008 5:33 AM
Snooty --you can watch the show directly on MTV's web site...no need for other, eh hem, 'sources'.
You wonder why the other sites (VH1--you suck) bother blocking people from outside the US -- it just forces us to go through other channels.
It's my right as an American to have access to all US television programming. Isn't that in the Constitution?
Ah, our gleeful idiocracy!
6 of 14 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 14, 2008 7:02 AM
MTV always blocks me. Or at least it used to. I'll check it out. I personally try to be above board and purchase from iTunes whenever they offer a show. When they don't... well, they offer me no other option than to go to my "sources."
7 of 14 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 14, 2008 4:00 PM
J-MO....uyou were fabulaous as always..am thrilled that you are recapping this train wreck for us....i could be wrong but MATT looks exactly like one of the guys that Corrie brought back to Paris's mansion on that little gong show of a program called Paris hiltons BFF.....I believe he was the meat head wasted in the pool who could barely speak at the pool party challenge(yes.. i am 1 of 6 people that watched...My name is Nubby and I have a reality tv problem)...look forward to next weeks brilliant coverage...
8 of 14 | Posted by nubby | Posted on December 14, 2008 7:37 PM
That Jen girl used to date Brooke from the Real World Denver and Evelyn from the Real World/ Road Rules Challenges (Fresh Meat, The Island, The Gauntlet 3 and i think the Inferno 2) so it kind of makes me wonder if the 'twice in a lifetime' comment was directed towards one of them.
Loved the recap!
9 of 14 | Posted by livexfast | Posted on December 14, 2008 8:54 PM
itchy... I KNOW, right? They are making Joisey look worse than ever with the plethora of dumbasses and douchebags...
arizonatom... I'd pay to see Scott jerk off...
pixielated... you might be right about the plastic surgery, although I think they look equally fug... :)
shantigal... hey, thanks, although if you think you felt dirty after READING the recap, imagine my grime-level after WRITING it, LOL!
Snootchy Bootches ...you know, you're totally right, the girls don't look nearly as good when they're not airbrushed out of their minds (like they are in the porn pic) but I swear to you, the site I got that picture from insisted it was of the Ikki Twins. Perhaps it's because their hair looks actually CLEAN in the nudie shot...
nubby... you are so right, I saw that episode of Bad Girls and the chest tattooz all match, it is our 'roid-ragin' dumbass Matt in both shows... depending on when they filmed the Bad Girls episode, perhaps it's a spoiler that he doesn't wind up finding true love with the Ikkis... I bet he's the one they wind up forcibly removing from the house because he looks like he's ready to explode at any second (and not in a sexy kind of orgasmic way).
love to all you guys, it's good to be home again!
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on December 14, 2008 8:58 PM
j-mo:
you have more intestinal fortitude than most people i know if you are going to be able to watch and re-cap this show. they only reason i will be reading anything about this show is because you are writing the recaps and somehow you made the whole thing, dare i say, palatable.
and why is the she is my queen, i am her king every meathead's pick up line? and every time one of them says they think that they are oh so clever and original. oh the wit on this show is just too much for me.
11 of 14 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on December 15, 2008 6:42 AM
Yay J-Mo, awesome recap. And let's show a little love for MTV, because in these times of deviciveness, isn't great to see a show that brings people together? Yes, meatheads, guidos, chowahheads, rageoholics, shady party promoters, fast pitch softball players, personal trainers of all genders, bartenders, and anyone who's ever been greeted at their local tatoo parlor like Norm was on Cheers. This show brings them all together in one place and in pursuit of one simple goal. To obtain that true holy grail (at least for anyone who is routinely watching Cinamax after 10:00 at night), the one thing which every losah in America knows is a combination of a unicorn, a golden ticket to the Wonka factory, and a $5.99 all you can eat pizza buffett, the bisexual bar skank. Bless you for this MTV, god bless you one and all.
Also J-Mo can you help me out here, does the winner of the show get the full Hef (both Icckies), or are they splitting up the set? Because I've got to tell you, one skanky semi-bisexual hooter twin isn't a whole lot of help in living out those creepy incest fantasies. Actually it's a lot like having someone give you two tires for your car and telling you to drive around the block.
Anyway, great recap, keep them coming.
12 of 14 | Posted by Waffleboy09 | Posted on December 15, 2008 9:46 AM
Yay! iTunes has started carrying the show so I got to watch this episode.
You know, J-Mo, I thought it was part of the recap when you said that nerdy guy said he was going to go watch her kiss that guy and jack off, but he really said that! Omg... this show is going to write itself, dude.
13 of 14 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 16, 2008 6:46 AM
OMG, nubby, I am SO sorry, I totally misread your comment about seeing DumbAssHat Matt on PARIS HILTON'S BFF... LOL, I guess he must be making the rounds of reality TV, then, because he WAS on the Bad Girls Club, too! Just wanted to say, I really DO read the comments, sometimes my mind just races ahead without thinking, I 'pologize...
livexfast... thanks for the inside info, she kinda looked like she was used to having the cameras around (and some of her "spontaneous dialogue" seemed a little canned... I mean, who actually says "Your presence annoys me..."?...
reckless_saturn_11... wow, thanks for the huge compliment, I just put some ranch dressing on the show, ranch makes everything taste better (*grin*)... and I have a feeling the whole "I am king, she my queen" thing appeals to these jocktards because they long for feudal times when brute force ruled instead of political savvy... plus, they all secretly want to wear tights...
Waffleboy09 (mmmmm, what a tasty nick you have!) yes, MTV is truly like a microcosm of the United Nations, bringing together negative stereotypes from across all socioeconomic statuses (brings a tear to my eye!). I agree with you, the winner should get both Ikkis, if for no other reason than they could have maximum mileage out of their 3 way porn video when they come out with it...
Snootchy Bootches... LOL, I only WISH I could come up with the idiotic things these people say... and I'm guessing that Loser Unemployed Ben is an expert at masturbation (just like me!)
Thanks guys, I can't wait for tonight's episode to hit... OH, and be sure to listen to Nads' interview with the Ikki's under NewsGasm... they talk about how they really were super-excited to go out in L.A. this past weekend because they wanted to see how many people would recognize them from the show!!! After hearing that (as well as their distorted views on exactly how important they are to the GLBT movement) I don't feel the slightest bit bad for shredding this show...
love to everybody!
love, J-Mo :)
14 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on December 16, 2008 7:58 AM