Gawd, I guess they musta had a sale at Chains'R'Us. Anyhow, Scott is merrily Douchebagging away as he says "What? You don't like to eat? You don't want some food? You weren't hungry?" Josh is struggling to control his anger and tells Scott "Go grab me some fucking towels, because that's not cool!" and they kinda start playing pushy-pushy on one another. The reality is, Scott's quite a bit larger than Josh, and you can tell Josh knows that, too. "I thought it was funny." says Scott. My guess is that he still finds Helen Keller and fag jokes funny, too. And although Scott may be bulkier, it appears that Josh works out a lot more, because he's got far better muscle tone and definition compared to Scott's DoughBoyish physique...
...judge for yourself (I can't quite tell who is feeling up Josh's chest)...
Of course, DWB (Doughy White Boys) are a huge weakness of mine, and I'm afraid I'm having no trouble finding some growth in my feelings about Scott (and Lord, I hope he keeps his shirt off for most of the show). Josh doesn't think a "real woman" will go for Scott's brand of buttholishness, so he's going to let Scott be a dick and Josh will be "the bigger man". Mmmkay.
Meanwhile, Rikki has paired off with Pennsylvania Surfer/Boat Captain Trevor (they have surfing in Pennsylvania?!?) who says he likes to think he's "kind of attractive". It must be working for Rikki, because within 30 seconds she's kissing him, too! Ooooh, Gay Nick would be pisssssssed!
Rikki goes up to "download" some more with Vikki to prepare her for her appearance, and proceeds to lie about how when Scott first shoved his tongue down her throat, she wasn't at all into it and leaned waaaaaay back. She must have somehow forgotten the camera crew caught it on tape...
...Exhibit A: How Rikki Imagines She Reacted To Scott's Tongue-Probe...
...Exhibit B: How Rikki Really Reacted...
I'm not sure why she's bothering, but Vikki takes L.A. Tattoo Artist David aside to chat, where she quickly picks up on the fact of his Tattoo Artistry. David has quite a bit more than 13 tattoos. He also has "LOST MY MIND" tattooed on his knuckles. I'm sure that's a great thing for prospective dates to see. Vix is not impressed.
Next up is Right Wing Conservative Wall Street Erection Boinger James, who is proud of the fact that he just loves George W. Bush. He goes on to say that it's real haahd for him t'find a girl that can keep up with him and be okay with the way that he paahties. I'm guessing a wicked good time for a stah like James (besides boinging his erections) is a night of watching Bill O'Reilly. Masshole alert! And here's the truly sick thing: I think he's kinda cute, too. Vix thinks Boston accents are "wicked sexy".
Rooster Headed NYC Party Promoter Freddy is chatting with Vikki now, calling himself "The Party King". He has stars shaved into the sides of his head...
...the true Regal Mark™ of a Party King...
Vikki is asking him if he's been in love before. He says he was a couple of years ago, and Vikki wants to know what happened, did he cheat on his girlfriend. Freddy gets all shifty-eyed, hemming and hawing and is way too slow to answer so he might as well have said yes. Nice meeting you, Freddy, thanks for playing!
Hey, shirtless CIT (Chub In Training) AlphaDouche is up next for face-time with the Vixster! Attempting to build on his Stupid Streak he asks for a kiss on the cheek, and tries to make it another lickfest when Vikki obliges, but she's too quick for him and backs up fast. Denied! For some reason Rikki (watching upstairs) takes this as a sign that he's "being so sweet" to Vikki. He just tried the oldest trick in the book for spreading Mono, Rix! What exactly do you find "sweet" about that?
Now it's time for the guys to have their "fashion show". This time Vikki tells them they're going to be dressing up as "superheroes", and while they're off changing she goes back up to change places with Rikki again. They both are super-sad that they're going to have to cut four super-sweet guys who will never get to find out their super-secret of being super-slutty twins. I am super-over this stupid little game of theirs.
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Comments (14)
So happy you're recapping this trainwreck, J-Mo, it's going to be a hoot!
The best part of this show is it just doesn't matter who is what, they're all well aware that their real job is to get drunk and make asses of themselves for the camera. What fun!
Speaking of stereotypes...why is it that half the cast is from NJ and they're all the biggest idiots?
1 of 14 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 13, 2008 3:06 PM
Yay J-Mo - welcome back!
I think that they are after guys, with the grrls just thrown in for tittilation! Just seems like they favor the dick (of course I DON'T blame them).
And is it just me, or is there something that is wrong about anyone calling a girl "Dude"? Whatever happened to "Bitch" or "Dudette"?
Scott is an ass for wasting food. How Rude! And it wasn't funny - just made him look like a complete jerk-off.
Matt may not be a wonder-boy, but that bod is HOT!
Great recap, as ever. This show will at least be fun with you at the keyboard, even if it is a bit lame at times. But I'll bet the straight guys just love it.
Lots O' Love!
2 of 14 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on December 13, 2008 4:27 PM
Either those two aren't identical twins or one (or both) of them has had enough plastic surgery to make them look different.
3 of 14 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 13, 2008 7:46 PM
J-MO, so glad you're back! I didn't watch the show, but I will read anything that you recap. Always hilarious. OK, done with the recap and now I must go shower.
4 of 14 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on December 14, 2008 12:28 AM
I can't seem to get this show yet though it may show up with my sources a bit delayed. It happens. So I am experiencing it via your recaps!
Is it just me or do the twins look different in their pictures? The noses especially because in the pics the noses are small and cute but they look pretty big on the show. They are way cuter in their pictures. They must use Mariah Carey's retoucher!
5 of 14 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 14, 2008 5:33 AM
Snooty --you can watch the show directly on MTV's web site...no need for other, eh hem, 'sources'.
You wonder why the other sites (VH1--you suck) bother blocking people from outside the US -- it just forces us to go through other channels.
It's my right as an American to have access to all US television programming. Isn't that in the Constitution?
Ah, our gleeful idiocracy!
6 of 14 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 14, 2008 7:02 AM
MTV always blocks me. Or at least it used to. I'll check it out. I personally try to be above board and purchase from iTunes whenever they offer a show. When they don't... well, they offer me no other option than to go to my "sources."
7 of 14 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 14, 2008 4:00 PM
J-MO....uyou were fabulaous as always..am thrilled that you are recapping this train wreck for us....i could be wrong but MATT looks exactly like one of the guys that Corrie brought back to Paris's mansion on that little gong show of a program called Paris hiltons BFF.....I believe he was the meat head wasted in the pool who could barely speak at the pool party challenge(yes.. i am 1 of 6 people that watched...My name is Nubby and I have a reality tv problem)...look forward to next weeks brilliant coverage...
8 of 14 | Posted by nubby | Posted on December 14, 2008 7:37 PM
That Jen girl used to date Brooke from the Real World Denver and Evelyn from the Real World/ Road Rules Challenges (Fresh Meat, The Island, The Gauntlet 3 and i think the Inferno 2) so it kind of makes me wonder if the 'twice in a lifetime' comment was directed towards one of them.
Loved the recap!
9 of 14 | Posted by livexfast | Posted on December 14, 2008 8:54 PM
itchy... I KNOW, right? They are making Joisey look worse than ever with the plethora of dumbasses and douchebags...
arizonatom... I'd pay to see Scott jerk off...
pixielated... you might be right about the plastic surgery, although I think they look equally fug... :)
shantigal... hey, thanks, although if you think you felt dirty after READING the recap, imagine my grime-level after WRITING it, LOL!
Snootchy Bootches ...you know, you're totally right, the girls don't look nearly as good when they're not airbrushed out of their minds (like they are in the porn pic) but I swear to you, the site I got that picture from insisted it was of the Ikki Twins. Perhaps it's because their hair looks actually CLEAN in the nudie shot...
nubby... you are so right, I saw that episode of Bad Girls and the chest tattooz all match, it is our 'roid-ragin' dumbass Matt in both shows... depending on when they filmed the Bad Girls episode, perhaps it's a spoiler that he doesn't wind up finding true love with the Ikkis... I bet he's the one they wind up forcibly removing from the house because he looks like he's ready to explode at any second (and not in a sexy kind of orgasmic way).
love to all you guys, it's good to be home again!
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on December 14, 2008 8:58 PM
j-mo:
you have more intestinal fortitude than most people i know if you are going to be able to watch and re-cap this show. they only reason i will be reading anything about this show is because you are writing the recaps and somehow you made the whole thing, dare i say, palatable.
and why is the she is my queen, i am her king every meathead's pick up line? and every time one of them says they think that they are oh so clever and original. oh the wit on this show is just too much for me.
11 of 14 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on December 15, 2008 6:42 AM
Yay J-Mo, awesome recap. And let's show a little love for MTV, because in these times of deviciveness, isn't great to see a show that brings people together? Yes, meatheads, guidos, chowahheads, rageoholics, shady party promoters, fast pitch softball players, personal trainers of all genders, bartenders, and anyone who's ever been greeted at their local tatoo parlor like Norm was on Cheers. This show brings them all together in one place and in pursuit of one simple goal. To obtain that true holy grail (at least for anyone who is routinely watching Cinamax after 10:00 at night), the one thing which every losah in America knows is a combination of a unicorn, a golden ticket to the Wonka factory, and a $5.99 all you can eat pizza buffett, the bisexual bar skank. Bless you for this MTV, god bless you one and all.
Also J-Mo can you help me out here, does the winner of the show get the full Hef (both Icckies), or are they splitting up the set? Because I've got to tell you, one skanky semi-bisexual hooter twin isn't a whole lot of help in living out those creepy incest fantasies. Actually it's a lot like having someone give you two tires for your car and telling you to drive around the block.
Anyway, great recap, keep them coming.
12 of 14 | Posted by Waffleboy09 | Posted on December 15, 2008 9:46 AM
Yay! iTunes has started carrying the show so I got to watch this episode.
You know, J-Mo, I thought it was part of the recap when you said that nerdy guy said he was going to go watch her kiss that guy and jack off, but he really said that! Omg... this show is going to write itself, dude.
13 of 14 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 16, 2008 6:46 AM
OMG, nubby, I am SO sorry, I totally misread your comment about seeing DumbAssHat Matt on PARIS HILTON'S BFF... LOL, I guess he must be making the rounds of reality TV, then, because he WAS on the Bad Girls Club, too! Just wanted to say, I really DO read the comments, sometimes my mind just races ahead without thinking, I 'pologize...
livexfast... thanks for the inside info, she kinda looked like she was used to having the cameras around (and some of her "spontaneous dialogue" seemed a little canned... I mean, who actually says "Your presence annoys me..."?...
reckless_saturn_11... wow, thanks for the huge compliment, I just put some ranch dressing on the show, ranch makes everything taste better (*grin*)... and I have a feeling the whole "I am king, she my queen" thing appeals to these jocktards because they long for feudal times when brute force ruled instead of political savvy... plus, they all secretly want to wear tights...
Waffleboy09 (mmmmm, what a tasty nick you have!) yes, MTV is truly like a microcosm of the United Nations, bringing together negative stereotypes from across all socioeconomic statuses (brings a tear to my eye!). I agree with you, the winner should get both Ikkis, if for no other reason than they could have maximum mileage out of their 3 way porn video when they come out with it...
Snootchy Bootches... LOL, I only WISH I could come up with the idiotic things these people say... and I'm guessing that Loser Unemployed Ben is an expert at masturbation (just like me!)
Thanks guys, I can't wait for tonight's episode to hit... OH, and be sure to listen to Nads' interview with the Ikki's under NewsGasm... they talk about how they really were super-excited to go out in L.A. this past weekend because they wanted to see how many people would recognize them from the show!!! After hearing that (as well as their distorted views on exactly how important they are to the GLBT movement) I don't feel the slightest bit bad for shredding this show...
love to everybody!
love, J-Mo :)
14 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on December 16, 2008 7:58 AM