Are you there, God? It's me, J-Mo. Normally I don't bother You too much, because most of the time I'm just down here on this little planet of ours, living my life, trying to be kind to others (when not recapping), working my job, loving my BF and having a fabulous night of dancing for drag queens here and there (as well as doing my best to avoid getting the living shit knocked out of me by some of Your more zealous followers). Anyhow, I just wanted to ask You for a small favor. Can you please make it so that there is never again another season of this show? Ever? Under any circumstances? Pretty please?...
...and BTW, have I thanked You enough yet for this image?...
...how sad that Vikki shoving Rikki off a chair was the highlight of this season. I know that You have a lot on Your plate right now, what with the Global Economy in shambles and wars in the Middle East and Kanye West in such desperate need to receive awards and all (he's in dire need of Your help with his hair, that's for sure... that shit on the Grammys last night was a Cry For Divine Styling Intervention™ if I've ever seen one, I'm afraid if You don't step in at some point he's going to wind up trotting the Jhericurl out again) but please know that I am not asking this just for myself... I'm asking it for the good of humanity that no one be subjected to A Double Shot At Love ever again. Except for this last placental half-hour wrap-up that was aptly subtitled "One Shot Too Many". I'm sure You'll understand what I mean after the jump... love, J-Mo :)
Well, here we are again, and this time I promise it's for the last time under these less-than-favorable circumstances. When we left our riveting Ikki-drama at the end of the Finale, there appeared to be some lingering trouble in Vikki's mind regarding Gnarly Trevor saying the L-word to her sister, and then turning around and choosing to be with her. Rikki made sure to get her last digs in after being so cruelly rejected by swooping back out and spitting "I hope that you can be a little bit more real with her than you were with me!" in Trevor's face before stomping off to fake-cry some more. Although Vikki already claimed to know that Gnarls had dropped the L-bomb in Vegas, she wanted him to tell her again, and he made some fumbling explanations and then it appeared the Vix was cool with it and they swapped another gallon of each other's germ-laden spit. The end.
Or was it? I'm not sure the exact reason for this extra half hour of "One Shot Too Many", but I fear they're setting us up for yet another season of this crap show. If so, then it's clear that God is too busy with Kanye to listen to little ol' me. I have further evidence of this when I see the Master Of The Knee-Slapper (and King Of The Canned Laugh-Track) Ryan Stout is once again cursing gracing us with his presence as host...
..."Please come see me at my upcoming shows in Kirkland, Wa., New Brunswick, NJ. and Kansas City, KS... please?"...
Ryan starts out attempting to feed the lameness drama by saying he wasn't sure Gnarly Trevor was going to "pull it off" and that the Finale left him with "more questions than answers". Tonight, Rikki and Vikki will soak up more attention and tell us what they really thought about the way "things went down", they'll have to face Barfly for the first time since they dumped her ass, and we'll get to see more footage of what really happened shortly after Gnarly Trev made his choice.
All this usage of the phrase "what really happened" implies that what we saw on the show was heavily edited and/or scripted. I'd expect that, this is, after all, a "reality" show, and we all know that means it's as fake as the Twinsies nosies. OH, and if you're not already changing the channel, apparently later on Gnarls drops "a bombshell" and we're given a teaser of Vikki crying and saying "If that's the case then you completely picked wrong!". Zzzzzzzz.
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Comments (13)
Oh, J-Mo, I think you deserve tons and tons of hugs for having to endure this ikkfest. I'd be scouring my brain with a brillo pad if I had to deal with these dregs of humanity.
HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG
SWAK, PottyMouth
1 of 13 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on February 10, 2009 6:20 AM
J-MO, you sure made it fun and ikki. Take care on your well deserved hiatus from MTV and watch out for PTSD. Hope you and your honey have like, the most wonderfulest, ikk free Valentine's Day evah. Smooches.
2 of 13 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on February 10, 2009 12:04 PM
J-Mo, thank you!
This was the most mind-numbing season ever. These two excuses for human beings are ridiculous.
Thanks for making your recaps fun, I enjoyed reading them very much. Happy Valentine's Day to you and your BF.
3 of 13 | Posted by spacevenus | Posted on February 10, 2009 12:25 PM
J-Mo, YOU ARE TOO FUNNY!!!! I hope if they have a horrible Scotty spin-off (and that WOULD be horrible) that you're not stuck having to watch it. Before that "Happy hour" recap show crap, I was actually starting to think that Scotty might have a little bitty shred of decency. Geez he was awful.
4 of 13 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on February 10, 2009 12:28 PM
I have to admit, the most entertaining part of this season became the torture (self-)inflicted on J-Mo as he tried so conscientiously to recap this dog of a show.
Although I hope you don't give up on recapping trashy reality shows altogether...I really can't believe you didn't get that new Rupaul show.
Oh well, you deserve a rest, sir. And a bottle of disinfectant.
5 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on February 10, 2009 12:50 PM
How do you know about Kirkland, Wa? I can see it from my window.
6 of 13 | Posted by trickydick | Posted on February 10, 2009 1:54 PM
Oh yeah, and I grew up across the river from New Brunswick, NJ!
7 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on February 10, 2009 2:42 PM
Don't go too far, darling. We'll miss you terribly if your gone for too long.
Love XOXO
hugs,
Yenta
8 of 13 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on February 10, 2009 3:36 PM
J-Mo,
God wants you to know that he feels your pain. The Ikkis and this show didn't come from HIS side, if you know what I mean. (Satan!!)
He also said that you are hereby qualified for sainthood. The first martyr of reality show recapping, St. J-Mo the Frequently Disinfected.
9 of 13 | Posted by Pixielated | Posted on February 10, 2009 5:42 PM
J-Mo;
Thank GOD this shitpot of a show is finally O V E R!! I don't think I could have taken one more episode. This is such a crock of crap!
Anywhoo, I'm looking forward to your recapping another (read DECENT) show next time. (Cut to J-Mo on his knees, praying to the Sweet Baby Jeebus for divine intervention).
And you have such sweet things to say to your BF. He must be wonderful and I am sure he wuvs you too - how could he not - you are just SO funny!
Take care and we'll see you around soon.
Lots O' Love
10 of 13 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on February 10, 2009 9:27 PM
hahaha
"im gonna pull a scotty and throw this keyboard across the room"
loved it
11 of 13 | Posted by heykate7 | Posted on February 11, 2009 6:50 AM
I never made any sort of effort to try to tell them apart, because I really need that brain room for fart jokes...but the twinsie with the "let-down" hair (as opposed to "half-up-do" or whatever hell the other one always had going on) was always getting on my nerves. Whenever she whined, argued or was just basically her fug self I had to constantly repeat to myself "domestic violence is not the answer; domestic violence is not the answer".
I mean, I could seriously get lost in a Scotty-beats-the-snot-and-whiiiiiine-outta-twatty-twin daydream. But of course..."domestic violence is not the answer".
12 of 13 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on February 11, 2009 6:11 PM
Heyyyy, one last time...
PottyMouth... thanks for all the huggsies, *MWAH*
shantigal & spacevenus... thank you both, you have a great Valentimes Day, too!
LisaMay... OMG, DON'T let ANYONE hear you suggest that Chubbsy get his own show!!! His so-called "blog" on IAmADoucheBagOnMTV says that he's trying to talk producers into giving him his own show! I think I would call the cable company and tell them to drop MTV from my channel line-up altogether! I'm kidding! You're super sweet, thanks for the love! xoxo
itchy... thank you so much for your constant commentary as well, i love your take on everything, too. Also, thanks for the Lysol, I needs it. love to you!
trickydick (and itchy)... actually there is a reason I picked those cities... they are actually on Ryan Stout's upcoming schedule of shows... he'll be at the "Laughs Comedy Spot" in Kirkland, WA from 03/12 thru 03/14, and at the "The Stress Factory" in New Brunswick, NJ from 04/09 thru 04/11. Really, he's going to be there. I don't think you should go see him, though. Not unless you can get a blowjob out of it. love!
yentapatrol... thanks for the sweet support as always, much love to you!
Pixielated... OMFG, I am totally giggling like mad over "St. J-Mo the Frequently Disinfected". I knew Satan was trying to mess with me again! Thanks for the heads-up! huggles!
arizonatom... I do spend time on my knees, but Jeebus is rarely involved in it. Thanks for the kudos, and yes, my BF is a pretty damned cool dude... love & kissies!
heykate7... *giggle* glad you liked that one! Kissies!
uglycutie... I agree with you, "domestic violence is not the answer"... but RANDOM violence is quite another thing entirely, especially if the Ikkis were on the receiving end of that, LOL! I'm kidding, of course, God already beat us all to the cosmic punching... after seeing how whiny and stupid they are on TV for two months, who's going to really want to seriously date either of these bitches? Fuck, yes! Date, hell-to-the-no! BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Thanks to all of you for your funny-ass comments, and I'll see you real soon!
love, J-Mo :)
13 of 13 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on February 12, 2009 12:53 PM