TVgasm Recaps

Tyra, is that you?

As if she ever looked that good. RuPaul's doesn't look like she's missed a beat since the last time she had a TV show ten years ago. She looks simply scrumptious. Of course, you would too if you were photographed through a tub of vaseline and your makeup artist has the precision of a surgeon. So prepare to be doused by buckets of beauty and blinded by Diva behaviour, and left gasping for more on a weekly basis.

The Vaseline shortage in L.A. just reached critical mass.

I'm still sad about Porkchop's premature elimination last week, as were some of you, but I don't think that this week would have been much better for her. Maybe if they had led with a comedic talent challenge we'd still be enjoying her presence. I'd like to think of her sitting on her porch in North Carolina, cackling her rump off while she watches what the girls left behind have to go through this week. This is some high stress and there are plenty of hurt feelings to go around.

Oh my goodness and holy ornamentation with a big dollop of outrageous shenanigans and drag mishaps 101. I think I screamed and whooped several times while watching this and my boyfriend looked at me like I was riding the Anne Heche/Margot Kidder looney train, which maybe I am. Every once in a while when I get really dressed up, I feel like I'm impersonating a female and I indentify more with the crazy in people than I do the so-called sane. That is why this show is tailor made for me. It's starting to get really funny, more unintentional than scripted, which is why we watch this stuff in the first place, right? Strap yourself in, Gasmii, this is one hell of a ride.

And here's the proof.

Where to begin? This episode started out normal enough, or as normal as a show about drag queens can be. More bitchiness, more ego fueled blather from our showgirl, Shannel and plenty of fabulous hair and makeup. Then it took a turn into "oh no!" unexpectedness. We had a reference to one of the queens having a rather large c**k and then full-on tears, tears and weiners. Two things that should never, ever be in the same sentence together. The turn of events took me by surprise and I can be as big a baby as the next hormonal gal so this episode almost had me bawling. Onward.

And now, for another week of our favorite race!

Cootchie cootchie kook

Here we go again.

First of all, I was raised to beleive that talent should be rewarded and failure was something you learned from, not the other way around. That is why this episode made me question the judging even more than last week. Not that the gal I'm referring to here didn't help to sabotage herself, because she sure as hell did. I almost titled this recap "How to stab yourself in the back in one easy lesson," by a certain severely fed-up queen, but we'll save that for later.

This is it, kids. Our engines are revving, we're coming down the stretch and I can see Ru with the checkered flag in her hands.

We've got our final three and as much as I wish things were a little different, one of them is Caca. The good news is that the judges make perfect sense this time and there is no place to hide a lack of talent or a downright stinky ass limberger cheese personality. Have you ever smelled cheese that's gone bad? I just threw out some baby swiss that went horribly wrong in my refrigerator and it still didn't smell as bad as a certain doe-eyed dipstick's performance this week. I'm pretty sure I made the same face, though. Peeeee-yeewww, girl!