Cootchie cootchie kook
Here we go again.
First of all, I was raised to beleive that talent should be rewarded and failure was something you learned from, not the other way around. That is why this episode made me question the judging even more than last week. Not that the gal I'm referring to here didn't help to sabotage herself, because she sure as hell did. I almost titled this recap "How to stab yourself in the back in one easy lesson," by a certain severely fed-up queen, but we'll save that for later.
Usually, at the beginning of each episode, we hear one of the girls (Bebe, most of the time) lament the loss of whoever was eliminated the previous week. They must still be in shock or something because no one mentions Baby Ong's absence. Instead, Caca says that she's happy to be one of the final four and doesn't know if any of the other girls are mad at her, then she says one of the few genuine things to come out of her mouth, "Oh fuck it. None of the girls like me." Really? The only thing that could make it more obvious would have been for the three remaining queens with talent to take out a full page ad in the New York Times. Oh wait, Caca beat them to it.
She took out a personal ad.
The Caca/showgirl love fest is still on the menu this week, no surprise there. It's the tuna casserole that keeps on giving and giving, long after your mom shoved it down your throat. Shannel says, AGAIN, that she can see through Caca's innocent act right to the fake bitch heart that beats beneath all the cosmetics. It's still true and isn't it funny that the girl that shades the most is also the shadiest? Blech, I can hardly stand to look at her anymore, she exudes negativity. She is the archetypal two-faced kid in middle school. The one that kisses the teacher's ass and only shows her true colors when no one in power is around to see them. Also, it's a staple of reality TV shows with eliminations. It gives you someone to root against. And boy, are we rooting for her to leave so it's definitely working.
SheMail references Paris is Burning and we head straight into our mini-challenge. If you've seen the documentary then you know that we are in for some Vogueing. For those of you who haven't, it's a stylized form of dance that includes freeze-frame posing and queens would hold balls where the competition was as fierce and wild as Kirsty Alley tearing through a bag of double fudge oreos.
Ru takes the girls out of the workroom and onto the runway for our Vogue-off, Bebe is first and she says that she is not familiar with the movie and her moves back it up. She's sloppy, crouch-walks like a chicken on crack and flails her arms and hands around so fast that this is the least blurry screen grab I could capture. This is some straight-up Matrix shit.
I think Bebe took the red pill.
Caca does the same chicken walk and pretends to apply makeup while gazing in a pretend mirror.
I could've sworn I saw it break.
Nina is much better, does the rubbery arm moves, knows how to pop a pose and purses her lips, looking fierce the whole time. Our showgirl does a goofy boobie squish move and a sloppy cartwheel, but she too can pop a look which is something you really need to do if you are actually Vogueing and not just giving looks. You have to freeze the pose at the right moment during the music.
Caca must have slipped a few extra blow job coupons into Ru's trousers because she and Nina are picked as the two best. At least she doesn't win. She does make a rude comment, though. Something about Nina being much older and having been in the clubs when Vogueing started. Wow. If that's true than she looks damn good for being a queen in her late forties. Hell, I wasn't even around for that and I'm, um, 29. That's right, I was a very mature five years old when I moved to New York with $200 in my pocket. It was very "Olivia Twist." I should write a book someday. I'll call it 'Child Labor Laws; Who Needs 'Em,' or maybe 'Twunty finds herself crushed under the weight of lying about her age yet again.'
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Comments (10)
Oh my gawd, girl, you were reading my mind. The first thing that came out of my mouth when Ru chose Caca as a finalist in the voguing contest was to ask if Caca had sucked on the RuPeePee. Maybe that should have been my question for the producers! lol
I've been feeling bad for Shannel for a few weeks now. She was clearly being judged differently from the other girls. I understand that she is very well established in Vegas, but talent is talent. That was really unfair. There have been quite a few challenges that she should have won. I really felt for her when she so clearly couldn't take any more. Naturally, we don't get to see everything that is said, but I wished that she had said more than just that they didn't tell her that she is beautiful. I wish she would have flat out asked if she and Caca were being judged by the same criteria.
Great recap as usual, Twunty, and hope you feel better. Oh, and thanks for the shout out!
1 of 10 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on March 13, 2009 4:40 PM
I am worried for Nina at this point. In Episode 1 during the intro montage of the girls, they showed girls lipsyncing for their life. One of them is Nina in a red outfit. Then towards the end of the montage there is a clip of what looks like a music video with Bebe and Caca dressed in gray pit crew outfits dancing around in front of what looks like a road/race track. Are these the final two? Will Nina go in Episode 7? I am scared.
2 of 10 | Posted by bruintoo | Posted on March 13, 2009 5:28 PM
I thought ALL those pics looked like the fruit was floating in a uterus. The raspberries looked like giant freaking blood clots! Eeeeww.
I'm so annoyed that caca is still there. I understand though, why Shannel said enough (is enough is ehough). I just wish she had put a sock in it. Maybe she'd still be there, and caca would be gone. Of course, if she HAD stayed and the judges got rid of her over caca, I may have had a stroke.
I'm really hoping Nina wins this damned thing. I will cut a bitch if caca wins it all.
Not really. (maybe) :)
Thanks Twunty, for another awesome recap! Feel better soon!
SWAK, PottyMouth
3 of 10 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on March 13, 2009 5:59 PM
I knew what was coming prior to the episode, and I forwarned Twunty.
While I agree that Shannell probably shot herself in the foot and/or mouth, I don't blame her for being frustrated. But she's actually better off w/o the "title" as it is. From a friend it's come out that she's now a spokesperson for Chanel & she also is one of the ringmasters for LV's Cirque de Soliel.
But really... WHAT THE F*K was Ru thinking when she announced that Caca - CACA! - was a finalist for the Vogueing challenge. You know there's some ulterior motives going on there. But maybe that's part of the show. Since "conspiracy theories" are part of any reality show and 'Drag Race' is a parody, then maybe Ru felt there needed to be a made-up conspiracy. Cause let's face it - there's no way Caca can be a successor to Ru. Bebe - yes. Ongina - yes. Nina - maybe. Shannel - not really, she's too serious.
And how funny was it that SANTINO OF ALL PEOPLE caught Caca's terrible hem. ROFL! Talk about irony!
Hope you're feeling better Twunty!
4 of 10 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on March 14, 2009 1:35 PM
Oh, and I also forgot to say that I'm done watching the show on tv.
Twunty's recaps are soooo much better & more fun anyway.
5 of 10 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on March 14, 2009 1:37 PM
Darling Twunty,
You might not be feeling well, but your recap was awesome!! Seriously, funny stuff. I totally remember voguing, and the thought that it's now passe is bringing on an imminent mid-life crisis. Too depressing!!
Maybe it's denial, but I honestly don't believe that Ca-ca will win. Who knows maybe she'll twist her ankle and they'll have to bring back Shannel, sigh!! Or better yet, they'll pull the reality show stunt where the eliminated contestants get to judge the finalists. Heh-heh.
Anyhoo, I so wish I could send you chicken soup. Take care of yourself.
Hugs,
Yenta
6 of 10 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on March 15, 2009 6:00 AM
First of all, thank you so much for all the well wishes everbody, I am feeling better and it is finally Spring here in Northeastern Ohio. The warm weather has made me feel so much better.
On to your comments: Snootchy. I am in total agreement with you about Shannel being treated unfairly. It was depressing to see her so frustrated and let down, which leads me to hutchlover. I am so glad that Shannel has gotten those gigs you mention with Cirque de Soleil and Chanel! It's good to see that some big names recognise her talent, and thanks for the heads-up.
Bruintoo, I am just as scared as you are. If Nina goes next, I am going to have to root for Bebe and with my track record so far (abysmal, let's be honest here) that pretty much guarantees a Caca win.
PottyMouth, if you end up having to cut a bitch, I have a few names I would like to submit for your perusal. Hint: One of them starts with a C and ends in an A. Shocking, I know.
Yenta, oh girl. I volunteered my services at a Vogueing AIDS benefit in the early 90s and got to wait on her Madgesty (who is a total midget and refused to look at me when I took her order. She was sitting at a table with all the gay dancers that she took on her Vogue tour. They were young punks and supremely rude.) Guess who else were at the same benefit and tipped like kings while being complete gentlemen? RunDMC. And I love the idea of bringing back ousted contestants to judge, a la Survivor. That would be just GRAND. Imagine Caca's face!
So thanks for all your comments, I think we are in for a doozy of a ride tonight!
Big kiss, Twunty
7 of 10 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on March 16, 2009 9:16 AM
As promised, I didn't watch tonight. But I had a better reason....
I had to go celebrate because I GOT A GREAT JOB today!
Spring is in the air (72 degrees tomorrow), financial weight is off my shoulders, and hopefully fabulous Nina will take the title! That would just make my week more perfect.
8 of 10 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on March 16, 2009 7:39 PM
Man, now I not only have to watch all these shows, it's getting harder to keep up with my caps!!!! congrats on the job, Hutch, and glad you're feeling better, twunt!
I must say, I am having some deep anger about all this--I really didn't like Channel much in the beginning, but I truly felt bad for her, and they haven't exactly given her a platform to show her best strengths,in fact, I agree Twunt--3 f'in looks in one show, how long do they get to prep!
I hate caca most for her awful treatment of the wrestler girl, such a mean, nasty, hateful bitch. Her nose is like Michael Jackson size, and yet she shades it to a pointy toothpick!!! She just sucks (tho her syncing the song was pretty "felt") I also thought her looks were ok.
Go NIna!!! She's our last hope!
9 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 17, 2009 10:45 AM
I am so happy and releived for you, hutchlover. Go get 'em, girl!
Juddfan, did you watch the special behind the scenes footage they posted on Logo.com? Caca looked like she had a normal non- descript nose back in the day. I'll have to go back and take another look, though.
As for the finale, we will all have to wait until next week, unfortunately. It will be followed immediately by the reunion special so look for two recaps from me after the 23rd.
Now I have to get back to yard work. It is hotter than Shannel's ass and Jade's package combined out here! Loving it!
Oh, and Team Nina!!!
10 of 10 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on March 17, 2009 11:54 AM