Aquamom
Summer's brightest bright spot is back with Entourage, as the boys rev up for premiere of Vince's biggest premiere to date: James Cameron's Aquaman. Ugh, if only this wasn't a satire and it was the real premiere of Aquaman. Seriously, poor Orin of the Sea gets no breaks. His Smallville spin-off couldn't even make it on to the CW. Sigh. Tonight's episode was all about the premiere, and how important it would be. Important to Vince, because he wants his mom to be there. Important to Ari, because he and his fledling upstart Agency needs the opening numbers to be big. And important to Turtle and Drama, because tonight will be like shooting fish in the skank barrel. God, I miss this show. More after the jump.
This week's Entourage gave us a front row seat into the messy world of box office numbers. It's become a sport recently to predict how movies will do on their opening weekend. It's also become something of a precursor to the fate of a film and/or box office star. So you can see why Ari hasn't unleashed the Gold-Member on Mrs. Ari in a few weeks due to superstition. This is a big day for him, The Ari Gold Super Duper Talent Agency (maybe if I keep calling it that, the Entourage guys will change the name?) and the usually aloof Vince, who much like the Chenbot has become 
All good things must come to an end, right? Now, don't get your Aquaman underoos in a twist, Entourage isn't ending; if anything this show is hitting its stride in a big way. However, it seems like the ordered chaos that these boys have gotten used to is coming under attack, with their old friend Dom coming to visit from out East with a script in hand and not a bar of soap in sight. So will he be this fab four's meathead Yoko Ono? Only time will tell. In the meantime, let's see what kind of havoc he caused for Vince and his Aqualackies. 
What trouble will Dom get the boys into this week on Entourage. It's only been a week since Dom has infiltrated our favorite Holywood foursome, but he's already sparked talk about a certain shark that may or may not be in the process of being jumped. I don't think anything is that dire just yet, but Dom is certainly bringing out the worst in our guys, and it seems, in the writers. This week, in the wake of Aquaman's record breaking opening, Vince and Eric are ready to see some of those big offers that Ari was making them wait for until after the boffo box office was reported. So what will Vince Chase's next movie role be? And more importantly, how will Dom annoy Turtle and Drama, Jeopardize Eric and Vince and generally alienate the Entourage audience? Keep reading to find out. 
Let's first take a moment to thank God for the first Dom-free episode of Entourage in 3 weeks. I didn't realize just how much the big lug weighed down the dynamic of our boys until he was gone (best comment about Dom definitely comes from RealityMonkey: "Dom, the Yankees called. They want their stereotypical fan back"). But Dom wasn't the only problem Vince, Eric and Ari were facing: last week, the bombshell was dropped that Warner Bros. had greenlit the start date for the sequel to uber-successful Aquaman to begin on the same day as Vince's dream project, the Pablo Escobar biopic Medellin (sorry about the massive misspelling last week). What does this mean for Vinnie? Will he not get something he wants?!?! Oh no! But things aren't all messy start dates and contract disputes. Someone else is having a very nice upswing, and for once it's not Vince or Eric. Let's just say his name sounds a lot like Curdle. 
It used to be threesomes were a way for nice, drunk college girls to ride out their "Gay 'til May" pacts Senior Year of college and to get included in the latest addition of Girls Gone Wild: Herpes Edition. On Entourage the fun, wholesome MFF, you and your parents know and love, was in full force this week as nice girl Sloane and her nice guy boyfriend, Eric, took on a third in the boudoir, Sloane's old gal pal, bad girl Tori. This being a show about Hollywood however, that wasn't even the most important (albeit the sexier) 3some happening this week on Entourage. That crown belonged to the much more awkward PAS threesome - President of Warner Bros. Alan Gray, Agent Ari Gold and Star Vincent Chase duking it out over pride, shooting days and money after Vince was backstabbed and forced to drop out of Medellin, his dream project by the evil Alan Gray, who wanted to rush Aquaman 2 into production. So the question here really becomes, with Eric bedding two sapphic hotties and Vince taking on his tenacious agent and the duplicitous studio boss, who is the one who really got screwed?
This week's episode of Entourage deals with all kinds of reprecussions most notably from the Eric/Sloane/Tori ménage a trois. You see, Eric woke up all snuggle bunnies with Tori, and not with his girlfriend Sloane, post-threesome. To make matters worse due to Sloane's "rules" he wasn't able to fully, err, release his feelings towards Tori during the bangfest. So now Eric's heads are both filled with unfulfilled fantasies about the hot hot hotttt Tori. Oh poor guy, what is that, like the one fantasy these four guys have yet to fulfill? No tears will be shed for you and your limited FMF experience. But this isn't all that we explore in this ep. We also get a heaping dose of Mrs. Ari and the beginning of the resolution of Ari's firing from last season. Plus, Ms. Melinda Clarke shows up for a few so we can elevate this episode from lackluster to O.C.-tastic!
So things aren't all bad for Vince and the boys on Entourage. In surprising revearsal of fortune, Turtle's rapper Saigon is starting to blow up, and in this episode Drama is on his way to audition for an Ed Burns created pilot. Ari is on his way to becoming the biggest agency in town, finally settling his feud with old boss Terrence, for a cool $11 million bucks. And Eric? Sure he may have fallen in love with his girlfriend's best friend during a threesome, but well, read that sentece over again and you'll see that he just had a threesome. Hard to feel bad for the little hobbit, you know? Meanwhile, Vince is becoming a Hollywood leper of sorts. After getting fired from Aquaman 2 and losing his dream role in Medellion to Benicio Del Toro, he's on a slowly declining slope. But can someone so pretty , really REALLY be kept down for so long? Probably not. So as this episode starts things may be turning up. What is in story for Vince's career? For Drama's has-been-ness? For the Ari Gold Super Duper Talent Agency? Let's find out.
It was bound to happen sooner or later - after a summer filled with way too much TV (remember reruns?) and too much school, work & nonsense - I have fallen hopelessly behind on my recaps. These last few weeks several things converged causing a Perfect Storm of chaos in the usually laid back life of Umnata - the most pressing of which was a sudden relocation from the TVgasm satellite NYC office to its new and improved Long Island office. This in of itself wouldn't be enough to drag me away from multiple TVgasms, but the temporary loss of my DVR would and did! Don't worry Sherry is back (Sherry? My DVR's name - in honor of the Steve Perry song "Oh Sherry" - is that weird?) and better than ever. So I throw myself on the mercy of the gasm, it's readers and all five of my adoring fans (thanks Mom!!!). I'm here to say that now that I'm all squared away with my big move and caught up on Kyle XY (come on, I can't be the only one who is watching? Cricket.), I can jump back on this horse and TVgasm like I've never TVgasmed before! 
If getting paid $100,000 bucks to go to Vegas and judge a stripper contest is rock bottom, then someone please get me to the floor ASAP. I don't know if most normal humans can consider this as low as you can go, but it's looking pretty close for Vince on Entourage. After getting fired from Aquaman 2, missing out on dream project Medellin and pissing off half of the entertainment industry with his stunt at the Hollywood Foreign Press conference over the Technicolor revamp of Queens Blvd, you'd think that Vince would have to be pretty close to a Tom-Cruise-Ate-His-Baby's-Placenta-level meltdown, right? Ehh, not quite. Things might not be going exactly his way, but Vince isn't letting that ruin his easy, breezy beautiful Cover Girl lifestyle. Next stop: VEGAS BABY!
What better way to make us appreciate our Fab Four than to split them up for 30 minutes? It worked for the Backstreet Boys (Nick Carter, please, go away. Oh wait. You did.). And that's exactly what those geniuses over at Entourage did this week. Turtle and Drama went on a mission to find an MIA Saigon, Eric got duped into a meeting with the world's oldest man, and Vince licked his wounds about getting fired by doing quite a bit of licking with a tasty female for the day. And what's the one thing that this episode taught us? The boys need each other.
Rufio Sneakers! Public Masturbation! Downtrodden Old People! Pretty rad, right? Boy, do those Entourage guys know how to keep my interest. Keeping up with the split-them-up theme from last week, the guys separate again for most of this episode: Turtle and Vince (nice to see them spending some QT together) are on the hunt for the Holy Grail of sneakers, Eric is doing the studio pitch thing with Ari and Father Time, I mean, Bob, and Drama is finally shooting his big monologue for the Ed Burns pilot. The results? Another solid episode. And what more could we expect from: Rufio Sneakers! Public Masturbation! Downtrodden Old People! Seriously, why am I not running the marketing department over at HBO? 
So closes another season of Entourage. Sure, this recap is a little late, but you know what, this show is not so easy to recap. I thought 30 minutes of well-scripted Hollywood satire would be a breeze. Much like the Jewish stingray who mistook Steve Irwin for Mel Gibson, I couldn't have been more wrong (that one's for you EdHill). The show is so well-written and satirical that it's nearly impossible to wring anything out of it other than a recap for recap's sake. Sure a few Lloyd Gaysian jokes, Drama's a schmuck jokes and Eric's a Hobbit jokes make a tasty side salad of snark, but not the surf & turf of delight that SkeleHatcher and Nicolette Sheridan's testicles bring to the table when recapping Desperate Housewives. Oh well... I've made my bed, and now I lie in it, but like so many one night stands that seemingly won't end, the figurative girl from the bar has finally fallen back asleep, and I can sneak out the bathroom window (this is the season finale! No more recaps!). At least until she finds my wallet that I drunkenly left on the night stand and tracks me down because I've stolen her MetroCard and $20.00 out of her bag (see you in January when the show comes back!). Now let's see how this bitch's last bang of the night rates on Umnata's Ho scale (on to the recap)! Oh how I miss college (I'm old)...