The Rise & Fall of Ari Gold - 
by Umnata
So closes another season of Entourage. Sure, this recap is a little late, but you know what, this show is not so easy to recap. I thought 30 minutes of well-scripted Hollywood satire would be a breeze. Much like the Jewish stingray who mistook Steve Irwin for Mel Gibson, I couldn't have been more wrong (that one's for you EdHill). The show is so well-written and satirical that it's nearly impossible to wring anything out of it other than a recap for recap's sake. Sure a few Lloyd Gaysian jokes, Drama's a schmuck jokes and Eric's a Hobbit jokes make a tasty side salad of snark, but not the surf & turf of delight that SkeleHatcher and Nicolette Sheridan's testicles bring to the table when recapping Desperate Housewives. Oh well... I've made my bed, and now I lie in it, but like so many one night stands that seemingly won't end, the figurative girl from the bar has finally fallen back asleep, and I can sneak out the bathroom window (this is the season finale! No more recaps!). At least until she finds my wallet that I drunkenly left on the night stand and tracks me down because I've stolen her MetroCard and $20.00 out of her bag (see you in January when the show comes back!). Now let's see how this bitch's last bang of the night rates on Umnata's Ho scale (on to the recap)! Oh how I miss college (I'm old)...
Eric wakes up this morning, and he's acting surprised to see Vince standing over him, staring at him with those big, soulful eyes. I just don't buy this is the first time that has happened. Vince can't sleep because he's been up all night thinking about his strange feelings for Eric. Oh. And he thinks he should fire Ari.
Meanwhile, Ari wakes up in one of those cold, sweat panics that only television characters and coke addicts get when having a bad dream. He can sense it: He's getting fired today.
Back at the manse, Eric says the only relevant thing he's spouted all season. HIs reaction to Vince's quandry about Ari: "Put a bullet in him." There's been no love lost between Eric and Ari that's for sure, so I'm glad to see him ready to just cut ties without any remorse. Maybe you'll make it back to the Shire just yet, young Hobbit. It seems that since Ari's underhanded treatment of legendary producer, Bob Ryan, led to the ousting of Vince from The Ramones biopic, I Wanna Be Sedated, he was attached to, Vinnie finally has an opinion on something. And that something is the future of the Ari Goldmember in Vince's career. Turtle agrees with Eric, but Drama is the sole voice of reason, thinking they should look before they leap. He makes some analogy about Herpes that works about as well as my one night stand analogy above, so I didn't even try to follow it, but the gist was that they should check out what the other agents in town have to offer before they go firing Ari. Smart move Drama. What's not surprising is that Vince wants to just fire Ari and be done with it. Because he doesn't think. Because he's a moron. I hate Vince, almost as much as I hate, Eric.
At the office, Lloyd is intercepting calls from Vince (himself!) to Ari using excuses as varied as Ari having a wart to remove from his cock. I used that one to get out of writing this recap, but that B-Side, he's such a stickler. Ari knows the way back into Vince's vacant heart is to get studio head Alan Grey to put Vince back on the Ramones project. You see, Alan bought just to spite Vince after a falling out over Vince's proposed follow-up to Aquaman, the drug-laced Medellin, which Alan didn't think was an appropriate vehicle for the lead of his new huge franchise, the aforementioned, Aquaman. Get all that? No? Then you're probably not reading this recap in the first place.
Shockingly, Alan gets back to Ari saying that he'll meet with him at 10:30 am. Uh Oh! It's already 10:10 am! Good thing Ari's been working out cause he races across town to make the meeting on time.
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