REAL life. REAL fashion. REAL people. REAL cheap. Welcome to The Fashion Show!
If this picture doesn't sum up how REAL this all is, I'm at a complete loss.
As we all know, Harvey Weinstein wanted a million smacks or something per episode for Project Runway, so Bravo told him to suck it. These are tough times, after all. Instead of coughing up the dough, Bravo pulled five wrinkly dollars out of their pocket and called the producers of Groomer Has It to find another batch of bitches who can sew for the cameras. Groomer Has It, huh? Were the producers of the Snuggie infomercials booked, or what? I get trying to save money in 2009, but you gotta be careful what you skimp on. I bought lots of rolls of Ralph's brand toilet paper instead of Charmin to save a couple of bucks and guess what? I got poop on my hand.
From what I can tell in the opening, Isaac is the Tim Gunn. Not to be outdone in the pretty but can't speak English to save her ass department, Bravo has brought in one of the not Beyonce girls from Destiny's Child to play Heidi Klum. Isaac is known for his documentary Unzipped (hilarious), being bitchy about people on talk shows, and bringing high fashion to the common girl at Target. And by high I mean on drugs. Good ones.
This poor girl probably got her ass beat the first day she showed up to school in this outfit.
Kelly Not Beyonce Rowland is known for not being Beyonce. She looks damn good though, in a horsefaced not as pretty as Beyonce kinda way. Watching her struggle to read her cue cards is painful, and you know it took like ten takes because Isaac already looks like he wants to put her through a pane of glass.
I want to dislike this show, just because it would be easier that way being a PR fan and all, but I don't know if it is gonna be possible.
See?
You know Merlin's gonna be fabulous, cuz he's already being ripped off and it's just the opening credits.
Bitch, you're gonna need a cape to compete with Merlin, k? Have a seat.
Finally! A Mexican Jay!
Now let's meet the designers. You know how sometimes you see someone and you immediately know that they have talent and undeniable charisma? Kristin doesn't give me that feeling at all. She has Ellie May Clampett hair, a leather headband from some Indian reservation's idea of Claire's, and the same pink streak Alexis Grace got on American Idol when Simon told her people would only like her if she whored it up a bit.
She's only twenty three years old and already has her own company. It's called Organic Revolution. I tried to get info on it, but Google had nothing. Which means it must be huge. Organic clothes? I think that means cotton. Revolution! This girl wants to take us all back to a time before poly blends and pleather. She must be stopped.
James-Paul, pronounced James Pole (?) is an "experimental designer". I have my fingers crossed that he pulls some bunsen burners out of his bag. He specializes in "postcolonial" fashion. I looked up postcolonial on Wikipedia and the only word on the entire page was "DEEP". They were no help, so I turned to Pole to get his definition. Apparently, it means tights, bermuda shorts, shiny flowered scarves and platform flip-flops.
You have three mirrors and you still leave the house looking like that?
How...thinning.
Pole works for Vivienne Westwood and she's taught him never to compromise your vision when you're getting coffee at Starbucks for your boss. Merlin, the dude in the spandex and the cape, is next. He giggles and speaks in a thick Spangayish accent. He "never when to de school to learn de fashion." You don't say. He's so proud of his bright red hat with glued on plastic jewels and feathers that he jerks it off every day before work.
There's a pigeon on my windowsill watching this with a giant boner right now.
Lidia comes in, but only gets to say hi. She looks like Wednesday Addams all grown up and worn out. Reco is next. I have never seen Rico spelled like that before, but I've seen this queen before. On In Living Color's Men on Film.
Hated it!
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Comments (18)
I didn't hate it.
Look...PR is not on tv and it's not fair. I needed some kind of fix even if it's not primo and what I'm used to; it will do the trick.
Yes, tv is a drug for me.
Merlin annoyed the crap out of me. Good television/Schmood television. He grated on my nerves.
Biggest complaint--that we didn't get a lot of workroom time. Maybe they'll do that more when there are less people.
Best part--a team challenge that still had an individual aspect to it.
1 of 18 | Posted by silver | Posted on May 11, 2009 7:47 PM
oops, I forgot to add...
Best BEST part--flipit's recap! She should change her name to "not Beyonce"
2 of 18 | Posted by silver | Posted on May 11, 2009 7:48 PM
Does it feel like xmas, Flipit? Or your birthday? This show is just made for your snarktacular recaps. I could barely read through my laugh-induced tears. No, really, did you put a wish list in for this cast of characters?
I, too, miss PR and am willing to watch anything resembling it, so I don't mind the complete and utter rip off. And the fact that they've done it on the cheap just makes it that more snark-worthy.
With any luck, we'll get some cross-over action and our gang that can't sew straight will get to design clothes for the little "Groomer Has It" doggies.
I'll be hanging by a thread waiting for your next installment.
3 of 18 | Posted by xqzmoi | Posted on May 11, 2009 9:17 PM
And I thought your AI recaps were hilarious...I'll definitely be watching this show now, just to look forward to Flipit's recaps each week. (Sure, sure I realize I'm the only straight guy in the world watching this show...so shoot me.)
I miss Heidi Klum, because she's very pleasant to look at. Otherwise, this version of the format is definitely trashier -- they get points for that.
And there's no pretense: they state clearly that the final four will show off their lines at the 'final fashion show.' No Fashion Week for these boobs.
Hammer pants are all the rage among the white dreadlock smelly plump hippie navel ring teen chicks over here.
I'm not sure why they insist that people do their own sewing on these shows. It would be a hell of a lot more realistic if they had an underlit backroom stuffed full of underpaid, underfed Chinese women.
Still, why didn't the team have Reeeeco do the sewing? He obviously is the only one who knows how. AND he lives in his parents' basement, just like the Entertainer. Maybe they're twins?
I like this bit at the end: "Winning and elimination decisions were made by the judges in consultation with the producers. Some elimination decisions were discussed with Bravo."
In other words, the fugly Spandex queen, the cute blonde with the big tits, and the drama-causing Banker Lady will all be around for a while.
The boring cannon fodder will be picked off, one by one.
Maybe these shows always show this disclaimer? Says it all though.
Okay, thanks for the breakfast reading! Time to slip into my spandex and get to work.
4 of 18 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 12, 2009 12:03 AM
OK, I was just wasting time browsing around Gasm looking for entertainment when, to my delight, I found this gem...being recapped by Flipit!!
I say proudly that I will ONLY watch this show for the the recaps! Plus, it couldn't be worse than last season's PR.
"The boring cannon fodder will be picked off, one by one."
You know I love myself some Flip, but I also laughed out loud at Itchy's little snippet!
Awesome recap, per usual.
5 of 18 | Posted by michigan | Posted on May 12, 2009 7:51 AM
Ok just wrote a long ass comment that got booted for a url,grr. So excited you're doing the recaps Flipit. NotB is my favorite new nickname. This is kind of like Project Runway de Telemundo! That place is so nasty Mexican Jay stepped out of the shower and a cockroach handed him a towel. With Merlin's crystal balls all over the furniture it is going to get gamey real quick. Why would they allow NotB to judge fashion? Just go to gofugyourself dot com and click on Solange for one of the most horrible complilations of fashion to ever hit the carpets. Thanks for the laughs Flipit.
6 of 18 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on May 12, 2009 8:13 AM
Poor NotB--she's just not, I did buy her CD tho, and it had about 3 good songs.
I missed tivo on this and got home in time for the runway . . . very chaotic jumping in there, and I could see right away the clunkers. Too bad the knock kneed tube skirt bald hawk guy had to suck so bad, coz he's literally in my town of North Hollywood (like LA couldn't have done) so I'da rooted for him . . . oh well.
Didn't love the show, even watching the beginning after, but I hope it will improve with less peeps to keep up with. all the nicknames help, Flip it, and at least we've got a new show to follow your recaps with after Idol bows--in two weeks!
Asininity is my new favorite word!!!! LOL!!!
7 of 18 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 12, 2009 10:30 AM
Flipit, this should have come with a NSFW caution because this recap was Hi-larious! People in the next office must think I'm smokin the good stuff because I'm giggling so much. "NotB"=comic genious! Shiela and Jenn in the unitard--classic. Didn't watch the show but can't imagine it was 1/10 as good as this recap! Nice job.
8 of 18 | Posted by willintherace | Posted on May 12, 2009 11:24 AM
I was waiting for someone to do a recap of this show and I'm glad it's you Flipit!
The funniest thing about this recap was all the NotB references. Poor Kelly actually poor anybody who was in Destiny's Child who isn't Beyonce. I'm now going to watch this show regularly just to keep up with these recaps.
9 of 18 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on May 12, 2009 12:26 PM
Thanks for the fabulous recap, Flipit!
10 of 18 | Posted by Laura K | Posted on May 12, 2009 12:40 PM
I watched it and then checked in here (with my fingers crossed) to see if someone was recapping it and it was Flipit! YAY! Now I have a reason to keep watching these fools. Excellent recap
11 of 18 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on May 12, 2009 1:39 PM
oops just found out NotB is Kelly Rowland, not Solange, my bad. I was just never a Destiny's Child fan.
12 of 18 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on May 12, 2009 3:25 PM
Isn't this Merlin guy the same douch-o that was on the Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency? The one that she made a huge deal about becasue he was a "couture" client...and he acted like a total wackjob prima ballerina?
13 of 18 | Posted by awonderland | Posted on May 12, 2009 7:43 PM
Don't I remember another NotB judging a week on RuPaul's Drag Race?
14 of 18 | Posted by silver | Posted on May 12, 2009 9:51 PM
silver,
yeah another NotB was judging a week on RuPaul's Drag Race - I swear if it's not Beyonce no one actually gives a damn. lol
15 of 18 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on May 13, 2009 2:31 AM
Flip, I finally saw the first episode. This is much more like the UK's Project Catwalk than Project Runway. Definitely enough train wrecks to keep it interesting. I couldn't believe how shitty their outfits turned out. For crying out loud! If you are going on a design/sewing competition show, shouldn't you learn even the very basics of sewing?
And to the commenter who was talking about the NotB girls' careers after Destiny's Child (can't be arsed to go look up the name), Kelly Rowland is actually pretty big here in the UK. I hear her songs quite a bit on BBC Radio 1. I don't think I have ever heard a non-DC song from Solange (the one who did the RuPaul show).
16 of 18 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 13, 2009 10:54 AM
Project Runway if EVERY contestant was Blaine or Suede?
I'm out.
17 of 18 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on May 14, 2009 9:00 AM
Could we have a Project Runway where every contestant was Austin Scarlett? *love*
18 of 18 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 14, 2009 9:19 AM